BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl

Scatterbrained

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Is it just me, or is anyone else having trouble focusing lately?

I came on the computer to view a video for an online course I’m taking. Great. The link is in my email. Fine. I view the video, download the materials that go with it, and find myself deep into a different document shared by my employer. Well, that wasn’t too much of a jump, but I shake myself off, close up that document, and head back to my original task.

Now, with the video watched and the download complete (along with searching for a binder, and some page protectors, and refilling the printer paper), I’m ready to post on the accompanying Facebook group. But wait, that’s interesting… twenty minutes later, I’m back in my email, following a link to renew a subscription I’ve held for the past year (and didn’t get as much out of as I should have – my fault, not theirs). But hold on, the links that are supposed to be live aren’t. Reload. Nope. Restart. And that’s where we are now.

Also, somewhere along the way I managed to check on my voter registration, and see that while I’m registered, the update to my party affiliation hasn’t been recorded. So now I have to go change my registration. But where? The website tells me WHEN I need to update, but not where. I’ll go back to that. And I’m also supposed to email someone about a financial transaction. But who? More email digging, which is likely to end in more distractions.

I feel like this is how my brain operates lately. Either I have a million things half-going, or I barely manage to do anything at all. I’m like a computer with 57 windows open at once, or just a blank screen with a flashing cursor, not sure what to do. I blame not having a regular routine, although my dog – bless her- makes sure I’m up early every morning to face the day. Of course she’s napping now, but hey, she deserves it.

The uncertainty of the times is disorienting. I know I’m not the only one. I know many people have much worse circumstances than I do. I’m not complaining, just noting and reflecting. I’m worried about the start of the school year, and what it will mean to kids, families, and teachers and staff. There are so many unknowns, and so many really awful potential outcomes that I sometimes choose to shut myself off from the outside world. I can only digest so many news conferences and graphs and testimonials per day. This pandemic is an awful thing. I don’t understand how that can’t be a universally agreed upon truth. I worry about the world outside my door, but even as I say that, I plan to stay inside for as long as possible. Now, what was I doing again?

Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the grown up son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

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