BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Cold Snap

1425064638828Buffalo, New York is famous for the Blizzard of ’77, a huge January storm that practically shut down the city for several days. I remember how eerie it was to accompany my father to visit his hospital patients, driving through deserted streets as a result of the driving ban. Physicians visiting patients were exempt.

Although I was only ten years old, I was starting to develop a case of cabin fever, so I begged to go with him. Before we pulled out of the driveway, my father loaded the car with blankets and a box of Bit-o-Honey candy bars, just in case. It was by no means the first time that city was hit with nasty winter weather, though.

In the winter of 1975, a freak ice storm wrecked havoc on our community, damaging power lines and cutting off heat to thousands of homes. On our street, the odd numbered houses lost power while the even numbers stayed connected. It was not a good week to live at number 199.

Not my street, but you get the idea.

Not my street, but you get the idea.

The first night was the worst. Everything outside was in a deep freeze, and the temperature in our Depression-era house kept plunging. All winter long, our golden retriever Pucci slept on my bed protecting me from the chill of the uninsulated outside wall. With the power out, however, even Pucci’s heat couldn’t keep me warm. Not only did I have my Oma’s featherbed from Germany on top of my Hudson Bay blanket, I was wearing long underwear and a ski jacket, along with down mittens and a green and gold striped woolen cap to bed. Oh, and a nightgown and socks, three pairs to be exact. I looked something like a cross between a deranged Pippi Longstocking and a nine-year-old bag lady lost in the Arctic.

Somehow we got through the night, but the situation in the morning wasn’t much better. Cereal, milk, and fruit were fine for breakfast, but there was no power for cooking, and driving anywhere was out of the question.

My father made a fire in the living room, but it really didn’t give off that much heat, unless you were sitting practically on the hearth. I soon grew restless, and I imagine I drove my mother nuts. She made a quick call, then threw some things in a bag for me and took my mittened hand as we slipped and slid across the street and down the block to my classmate’s warm house. She left me there for three days, until our power was restored.

I guess my older brother handled the cold better, because he got to stay home with my parents, but at least I was warm. Still, I was relieved to finally go home and sleep in my own bed, minus my ridiculous ski attire


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The Guaranteed Cure for Hiccups

Many years ago I learned the cure for hiccups. I feel that it’s my civic responsibility to share it with you, dear readers, in an attempt to improve the quality of your lives.

Before I do, though, I want to stress to you the importance of performing this cure correctly. untitled2-copy1_2You see, if you mess it up you’ll end up with a spill on the floor, and the possibility of water up your nose. You’re bound to end up sputtering, and the hiccups will most likely get worse. Consider yourself warned.

At the first sign of hiccups, slow down your breathing. Sometimes (granted not often) you can nip them in the bud with this calming technique.

If not, then it’s time for a glass of water and the ultimate hiccup cure.

I know what you’re thinking, “there’s nothing revolutionary about this… drink water…but it doesn’t work.”

Well it does if you do it my way.

You need a fairly large glass of water (maybe ten to twelve ounces) with no ice. Now your job is to drink the water from the far side of the glass.

What? Is that possible?

Why yes, it is. Of course in order to be successful, you need to bend over and lean way down in order for the glass to tip enough for the water to come out of the glass and into your mouth. Your head will actually be upside down at this point.

Drink as much of the water as you can without stopping (or spilling).

Slowly stand back up, and voila! The hiccups should be gone.

This technique takes a little practice, so you might want to try it before you actually have a case of hiccups, that way you’ll be prepared. And maybe try it over a towel, in case you spill.

I promise, it works. It looks weird, and the possibility exists that a bartender might think you should be cut off, but if you have the hiccups and want them gone, do it. Just tell them I said so.


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Making Adult Decisions – Thoughts on Navy ROTC

My son is seriously considering making a commitment to the United States Navy in exchange for a four year college scholarship. After graduation, he would give four years of full-time active duty service to the Navy as an officer. Of course he would have to be offered this scholarship, but after discussing his situation with the ROTC recruiter (test scores, GPA, extra-curricular activities, interests, etc.), it looks like he’s an excellent candidate.

I have to be honest, I have some mixed feelings about this whole situation.Seal_of_the_United_States_Department_of_the_Navy.svg

There are many positives, not the least of which is a “free” college education. He would graduate with a guaranteed first job, and, if he wanted to, a ready-made career. If he wanted to try something else after his four year commitment, he would enter the civilian workforce with four years of practical experience and a military background, which (I think) would make him a desirable candidate for most companies.

Additionally, he would graduate from college with no little to no debt, and he would have a built-in support and accountability system in place wherever he ends up in college. No doubt about it, there are plenty of benefits to and ROTC scholarship.

But then there’s the flip side. The four years (or more, if he chooses) afterward. The Navy will decide where he will live and what work he will do. Our nation is not at peace. Do I really want my son in the military when men and women are dying in combat?

I absolutely support him in this endeavor, but I did tell him that I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about sharing him with the United States Navy. His answer? “It’s not your decision to make.” He didn’t say it in a mean or sarcastic way. He just said it matter-of-factly. The thing is, he’s absolutely right. This is his decision to make. He’s decided to apply for the scholarship, and I’m pretty sure he’ll get it. I know it can be a very good thing for him, but it’s still a little bittersweet for me to realize that he’s old enough and mature enough to be making these types of decisions.