BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Food Obsessed? Ask Yourself These Questions

skinny-healthyIf you’ve been with me for a while, you may recall that I’ve been working with a nutritionist since August. I got off to a great start, and lost ten pounds fairly quickly. Then the next ten came off, and I was delighted. After that, however, I hit a snag. I went to my hometown and celebrated a happy occasion with my family. I stayed with my mother and spent the entire weekend going from one event to another, with delicious food at every turn.

Now I didn’t pig out at those events. I ate sensibly (for the most part) and didn’t imbibe (too) much, so I was still seatbelt-extender free on the trip home. That came as a relief. The trip, however, seemed to be something of a turning point for me, and not in a good way.

From that point on, (it’s been two weeks) I just haven’t felt the same motivation to eat well and take good care of myself. I haven’t thrown in the towel completely, but my motivation has definitely taken a hit. Halloween was the tipping point. I don’t even know how many fun-sized candies I ate, along with some chips and dip and a delicious helping of Frito pie for dessert. Yeah. It was that bad.

Well, I visited the nutritionist, and asked to skip the scale. She agreed, and we chatted. I told her I felt stuck. I told her my motivation was waning. I told her I was not being successful. Her question to me?  WHY? 

Why what? Why was all of this happening? Why was I feeling this way? Or did I need to think about bigger questions? Yeah, I thought so. So I started asking myself the WHY questions.

WHY would I want to sabotage the work that I’ve done to get healthier?

WHY do I feel like it’s more difficult to eat a nutritious meal than one that is full of fat?

WHY is it that behaviors that were easy to do in August now feel difficult to do in November?

WHY don’t I accept the responsibility I have to take good care of myself?

WHY would I want to continue living in an unfit body rather than one that functions better?

WHY does my heart rebel agains what my head knows is the right thing to do? Or is it my mouth that rebels?

WHY am I so obsessed with food and eating in the first place?

My nutritionist feels strongly that if I take the time to dig through these questions and uncover some of their answers, I will have more success in my quest to improve my health though improving my body.  I imagine she’s right.tumblr_me8cl09qP41qfhcbno1_500

Until I do that difficult and scary work, though, I’m recommitting to making better choices, planning ahead, and avoiding some of the food traps that I know trip me up. The leftover Halloween candy is leaving the house tomorrow, and a menu plan is being developed for the rest of the week. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

Oh, and the scale that I asked not to go on at the beginning of the appointment? Well, by the end of the session I was ready to face the music. I took a breath, stepped on, and was astonished. I hadn’t gained an ounce, in fact I had actually lost a little bit. The relief was overwhelming. I hadn’t sabotaged myself completely after all. The work I’d been doing hadn’t been completely undone. I was so happy I left the appointment laughing.

I dodged a bullet this time, but I know I won’t be so lucky in the future. It’s time to step up my game.


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The Evils of Mini Pumpkin Pies

I had to buy them. I was on my way to writing group, and I needed to bring a dessert. A quick stop at the grocery store was my best option, so I flew through the door in search of something sweet, easy to eat, and appealing. Near the front of the store I found them. A tray of mini pumpkin pies. Yes!

Not the real ones, but a reasonable representation.

Not the real ones, but a reasonable representation.

They actually looked more like mini pecan pies, since they had a nut topping, but the package assured me they were pumpkin. I bought them. I would have bought them if they’d been pecan too. I hurried off to my group, and put out my offering.

By the end of the evening, there were still quite a few little pies left. Not everyone likes pumpkin. There wasn’t a big crowd. Some people (um, like me) are trying to watch what they eat. No worries, I just put the top back on the package and brought them home. Big mistake.

I managed to resist their Siren Song this morning (how, I don’t know), and I even took the dog around the block for a walk. Yay me! But then, after work, things changed. I changed. I reverted to my old habits, and snarfed down several of those little monsters. I don’t know what crack is like (and yes, I realize I’m dating myself and I don’t care), but these little tiny pies must rival its appeal.

Long story short, the little bastards got me. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say I got them. The real kicker? They aren’t even all that good. I mean, if I’m going to sabotage my good intentions, I should at least do it with something wonderful, not a stinking’ mini pumpkin pie (or two, or three). Now, hopefully you’ll still feel a little compassion, or even empathy for poor little ‘ole me. Yes, I messed up, but I can learn from my experiences, especially the ones where I do things wrong. Maybe next time I’ll just leave the leftovers behind.


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One Week Down (not quite) and a Million Weeks to Go

Hello my dear readers. I’m sure you’ve been waiting on the edge of your seats to find out all about the visit I paid to the nutritionist last week. Well, here it is in a nutshell: it didn’t suck. I expected it to, and I was pleasantly surprised.

Some reasons why it didn’t suck:

  1. She was nice.
  2. She asked me what I like.
  3. She DID NOT make me hop on the scale first thing.
  4. She DID NOT make me ban anything from my diet.
  5. She asked me where my motivation was on a 1-10 scale and was fine with my completely honest 7.
  6. She DID NOT ask me to keep a food diary.
  7. She showed me specific numbers from my most recent blood work and explained how my diet affects those numbers.
  8. She DID NOT treat me like an idiot.
  9. She took her time explaining things to me and answering my questions.
  10. She was nice.

Honestly, I knew some of what she shared but I learned some new things too. I came away armed with some strategies that are totally do-able and somehow that 7 has ticked over to at least an 8. And yes, I did get on the scale before I left, because I wanted a starting point. I made a follow-up appointment too, and so far, so good. I have a feeling that appointment will go well.