If you’ve been with me for a while, you may recall that I’ve been working with a nutritionist since August. I got off to a great start, and lost ten pounds fairly quickly. Then the next ten came off, and I was delighted. After that, however, I hit a snag. I went to my hometown and celebrated a happy occasion with my family. I stayed with my mother and spent the entire weekend going from one event to another, with delicious food at every turn.
Now I didn’t pig out at those events. I ate sensibly (for the most part) and didn’t imbibe (too) much, so I was still seatbelt-extender free on the trip home. That came as a relief. The trip, however, seemed to be something of a turning point for me, and not in a good way.
From that point on, (it’s been two weeks) I just haven’t felt the same motivation to eat well and take good care of myself. I haven’t thrown in the towel completely, but my motivation has definitely taken a hit. Halloween was the tipping point. I don’t even know how many fun-sized candies I ate, along with some chips and dip and a delicious helping of Frito pie for dessert. Yeah. It was that bad.
Well, I visited the nutritionist, and asked to skip the scale. She agreed, and we chatted. I told her I felt stuck. I told her my motivation was waning. I told her I was not being successful. Her question to me? WHY?
Why what? Why was all of this happening? Why was I feeling this way? Or did I need to think about bigger questions? Yeah, I thought so. So I started asking myself the WHY questions.
WHY would I want to sabotage the work that I’ve done to get healthier?
WHY do I feel like it’s more difficult to eat a nutritious meal than one that is full of fat?
WHY is it that behaviors that were easy to do in August now feel difficult to do in November?
WHY don’t I accept the responsibility I have to take good care of myself?
WHY would I want to continue living in an unfit body rather than one that functions better?
WHY does my heart rebel agains what my head knows is the right thing to do? Or is it my mouth that rebels?
WHY am I so obsessed with food and eating in the first place?
My nutritionist feels strongly that if I take the time to dig through these questions and uncover some of their answers, I will have more success in my quest to improve my health though improving my body. I imagine she’s right.
Until I do that difficult and scary work, though, I’m recommitting to making better choices, planning ahead, and avoiding some of the food traps that I know trip me up. The leftover Halloween candy is leaving the house tomorrow, and a menu plan is being developed for the rest of the week. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.
Oh, and the scale that I asked not to go on at the beginning of the appointment? Well, by the end of the session I was ready to face the music. I took a breath, stepped on, and was astonished. I hadn’t gained an ounce, in fact I had actually lost a little bit. The relief was overwhelming. I hadn’t sabotaged myself completely after all. The work I’d been doing hadn’t been completely undone. I was so happy I left the appointment laughing.
I dodged a bullet this time, but I know I won’t be so lucky in the future. It’s time to step up my game.