BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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And Now This…

Well hello. Long time, no see.

My apologies.

I could give you a list of excuses, but let’s just not do that, ok?

Frankly, I haven’t had the writing mojo lately. I haven’t had much mojo at all lately, if I’m really honest. My house is a mess, my body is worse, and my get up and go got up and went. And then I went to the doctor.

You see, I’ve had a difficult year. Nothing bad has happened. Not. One. Thing.

My son is fine, my sweetheart is fine, even the dog is fine. Thank goodness.

My work was rewarding, my class was one of the finest I’ve ever taught, and I enjoyed the way our team organized our teaching this year. Even our new administrator surpassed my expectations, so all the work boxes were checked.

So, what then?

What’s been holding me back? Zapping my energy and motivation?

I’m not sure, but I think that having my son go off to college was a little harder for me than I anticipated. Silly, really. He was in the next suburb. The one where I work. I saw him about once a week. And there were nice things about having an adult only home, like no dirty socks in the family room, and no dirty dishes all over the house. But in truth, I didn’t adjust very well.

If I’m totally honest, I think I was a little depressed, and since old habits are hard to break, I went back to my favorite method of self-medicating, food. So. Much. Food. And not the good kind, either, At least not usually.

And then, somehow, I managed to miss my bloodwork. And I missed it again. And again. Until the doctor’s office refused to authorize my medication and I had to go in. I did. And it wasn’t good.

My healthcare provider (who happens to be a PA, and a damn good one) called our appointment my “Come to Jesus” meeting, and he laid it on the line for me. Damn. So now, again, I have to start over. Have to. No choice. No excuses. Sad or lonely or whatever, too bad. I have to get this done.

I don’t want to weigh what I weigh.

I don’t want to become an insulin dependent diabetic.

I don’t want to have to buy two airline seats.

I don’t want to have low back pain from just walking around.

I don’t want to have to pay a premium for clothes that fit and look nice.

I don’t want to take so many pills a day.

I don’t want to huff and puff when I exert myself.

I don’t want to hold back my sweetheart or my son.

I don’t want to be embarrassed to be in family pictures.

I don’t want my mother to worry about me.

I don’t want to shorten my life.

I don’t want to be stared at.

I don’t want to feel less than.

I don’t want to feel incapable.

So yes, I HAVE to. So I will. Again.

It’s time. Time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get going. I have some positive steps already in place and more planned. Writing more is one of them. Accountability, baby. So if you’ll indulge me (and so many of you have, over and over), here we go again.

I know I’m not alone. I know we all have challenges we face, and things that we ought to do, but find difficult. I hope you’ll join me in trying to refocus on what’s important, so we can all improve our quality of life, for ourselves, and for our loved ones.

 


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Welcome to the Tiniest Month Challenge

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February is so short it seems like it begins and ends in a flash.

What better month for a challenge, then?

So here’s my challenge to myself, and by extension to all of you:

Pick something and stick with it. Every. Day.

At least for this tiny month of February.

Some ideas that have rattled around my brain:

  • hit my Fitbit steps goal everyday
  • take time to read for pleasure
  • eat vegetables
  • mindfully give a compliment
  • write
  • avoid social media
  • stay out of Starbucks
  • call Mom

We all have things that we “should” do that we neglect. Since this is such a short month why not pick one and stick to it? It’s only 28 days, after all.

In an ideal world I would do ALL of the things on my above list everyday, but I don’t. I’m going to pick ONE and stick with it, but what to pick?

I see my ideas in roughly 3 categories: mental health, physical health, and social connectedness (which, really, is a part of staying mentally healthy I suppose). For me, physical health is the most urgent of those needs at the moment. To that end I choose the first goal: to reach my steps goal each day.

I would love to have company on my tiniest month challenge. If you’re interested please comment with your tiny month goal, and don’t worry if the month has already begun, you can start anytime you want!


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My Heart is Full (and so is my Belly)

Today I had the pleasure of spending time with my sweetheart and my boy. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each other’s company. Later on, the boy and I spent time with my mom. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each other’s company.

I love these people. I love being with them and making and sharing memories with them. They make me feel whole.f23a21bf6b6a130f6e833aa884adb412.jpg

I think I’m ready to start trying to take better care of myself again. I think.

When my heart feels full I don’t usually try to feed my belly as much. We’ll see. The timing, of course, couldn’t be worse, but hey, that’s how I roll.

I hope your hearts are full too, and that your bellies aren’t getting overly filled. Funny how the brain knows that food can never replace human contact and connection, yet we sometimes use it that way anyway. Human nature is a funny thing.