BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Still in the Hospital

This surgery thing is no joke. Recovery is brutal. At least it is for my sweetheart. It’s amazing how many things have to be in alignment for the human body to function properly. The hospital staff is testament to all those moving parts.

There are the doctors, of course, who diagnose and perform surgery and order medications and monitor recovery, but they’re just a part of the much bigger community that makes up the team of people providing care and services at the hospital.

The nurses are the ones on the front lines. They’re with the patients the most, taking care of everything from pillow position to administering medication to providing support for hallway walks. They take vitals, assist with bathrooming, clean wounds, and keep patients spirits up. They are amazing.

Then there are the nurse’s aides, the phlebotomists, the physical therapists, the nutritionists, the patient transport specialists, the patient care coordinators, the cleaners, the volunteers, and all the other people whom I’m forgetting but who also do a great job. The hospital never closes. It never slows down. It ticks on like a clock, constantly there working for the people who need its care. I’m so grateful to all the people who make it happen.

My guy is still in the hospital. His body has taken a beating, but with this incredible team of people on his side he’s getting stronger day by day. As much as I appreciate and admire the people at the hospital, I hope that soon we can say goodbye to them for good.


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I’m Okay, But What Does Depression Really Look Like?

There’s been so much talk about mental health in general and depression specifically recently that I’m questioning what depression really looks like. I know some general information about depression, like that it has nothing to do with how fabulous your life seems to be from the outside. Cruel, isn’t it? You can work hard, do your best, love and be loved, and yet still be depressed. An outsider might envy your life, when in reality you are struggling just to get through the day.

I’m not struggling to get through my days, thank goodness. My life is pretty great, in fact. I have a terrific kid, a loving relationship, great family, good friends, a career I enjoy, a comfortable home, I’m well educated, I have interests and connections, and yet…

94923.original-6151.jpgSomething just feels kind of off. I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I know I should. I haven’t been exercising. I’ve been eating terribly. I’ve been feeling sort of detatched, if that makes any sense. I have time on my hands and I feel like I’m just wasting it. I’m tired for no reason. I’m achy. I’m taking my medications, so I don’t think it’s my body. Is it my mind? Am I depressed? Why would I be? But something isn’t right.

When I think of depression I think of someone who is overwhelmingly sad. That’s not me. I think of someone who has difficulty functioning. That’s not me. But then again it wasn’t some of the well-known people who recently died by suicide. NO. I am not suicidal. I am simply out of sorts, and I don’t like it. I’m usually pretty chill, with a side of optimism, but recently I’ve been more “meh.” I’d like to shake that off, and get back to feeling like myself. Maybe I just need to exercise more, I do know it helps a person’s outlook. But maybe there’s something more. I’m just not sure.

Tomorrow I have my annual check up. It should be super-fun. This, of course, is sarcasm. I don’t enjoy my check up, and I don’t know many people who do. This one will be particularly bad, because I know I haven’t taken care of myself the way I should have. I’m supposed to be losing weight, but I’m certain I’ve gained. I imagine I’ll get scolded for that. UGH. I think I better talk to my provider about my state of mind. Maybe he can help. Talking about it is a step in the right direction, anyway, at least I think it is. Wish me luck.