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Keep on Dancing

 

So Mr. Google and I have been seeing a lot of each other lately, as I try to figure out some of the cool features he has to offer. Why a he? No idea. Moving on.

As I was sorting through photographs (on Google Photos) I came across a cool feature that probably everyone else in the world already knows about. Google sorted my pictures by events or objects, like boats, castles, graduation, etc. Well, the category that immediately caught my eye was dancing.

I clicked over to that group and was greeted by not only photos, but some short videos I had taken. I got to see my son dance around with intensity at his summer camp performances (I think choreography is a talent of his). It was fun to watch him “Bernie” with his friends and totally get into it.

I also took a trip down memory lane to watch my niece Whip and Nay-nay (I don’t have a clue how to spell that one and frankly don’t care enough to find out). She was a little smidge of a kid at her oldest brother’s Bar Mitzvah. In a few months she’s having her own Bat Mitzvah. She’s grown up a lot.

And then there was my brother and his wife. It was a short clip, but it was lovely to see the two of them enjoying themselves surrounded by family and friends. Finally, and maybe best of all, was the clip of my son dancing with his grandmother. She has about two dance moves and they both involve pumping her fists at her sides at though she’s running. It’s awkward, but she loves to dance, and he loves her, so there you go. It’s sweet, and I’m glad I got to see it today.

It’s funny how something unexpected can transport you to another place and time. I wasn’t expecting to think about any of those events today, but there they are. I’m grateful for photos and videos. I know many people take them but never look at them. I look at them. I like to remember. I also like to dance.

 


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Feeling Better Already

I’m not sure if it was the two-week vacation or the plan that my health care provider and I put into place, or maybe a combination of the two, but I’m feeling so much better. My outlook has improved, my energy has increased, and in general things are looking up. Not that they were awful before; they weren’t. But wow, I really do feel better. In fact I feel more like myself.

I also feel like I’m ready to start taking care of myself again. I’ve been moving more, which actually feels pretty good. Additionally, my house is full of fresh fruits and vegetables, and I’m enjoying them. Moderation is the word of the day, although it’s been a bugaboo for me in the past.

I’m pretty sure there’s something messed up with the pleasure sensors in my brain. It seems that when they’re activated they completely override the the satiation function. It works like this:

me: Yum, this is delicious. I’ll just have a bit.65190869-stock-vector-fat-glutton-ginger-cat-with-empty-bowl-on-white-background-vector-illustration.jpg

also me: This is SO good. KEEP EATING.

me: Well, maybe just a little more.

also me: DON’T STOP. THERE’S PLENTY.

me: I’m full. I need to stop eating this.

also me: Are you kidding? This is TOO GOOD. DON’T STOP.

me: I ate it all. I feel awful. Why do I do this?

also me: But it was SO GOOD.

See how that works? It’s counterproductive, to say the least. At the moment, though, it seems to be in check. I mean, who’s going to go nuts over plums?

Anyway, tomorrow it’s back to school for teachers, and the beginning of a brand new school year. It’s a perfect time for a fresh start, so here I am, ready to go.

Enjoy your summer, or what’s left of it, and imagine me and my kiddos back in school (it’s so early!!!)

 


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I’m Okay, But What Does Depression Really Look Like?

There’s been so much talk about mental health in general and depression specifically recently that I’m questioning what depression really looks like. I know some general information about depression, like that it has nothing to do with how fabulous your life seems to be from the outside. Cruel, isn’t it? You can work hard, do your best, love and be loved, and yet still be depressed. An outsider might envy your life, when in reality you are struggling just to get through the day.

I’m not struggling to get through my days, thank goodness. My life is pretty great, in fact. I have a terrific kid, a loving relationship, great family, good friends, a career I enjoy, a comfortable home, I’m well educated, I have interests and connections, and yet…

94923.original-6151.jpgSomething just feels kind of off. I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I know I should. I haven’t been exercising. I’ve been eating terribly. I’ve been feeling sort of detatched, if that makes any sense. I have time on my hands and I feel like I’m just wasting it. I’m tired for no reason. I’m achy. I’m taking my medications, so I don’t think it’s my body. Is it my mind? Am I depressed? Why would I be? But something isn’t right.

When I think of depression I think of someone who is overwhelmingly sad. That’s not me. I think of someone who has difficulty functioning. That’s not me. But then again it wasn’t some of the well-known people who recently died by suicide. NO. I am not suicidal. I am simply out of sorts, and I don’t like it. I’m usually pretty chill, with a side of optimism, but recently I’ve been more “meh.” I’d like to shake that off, and get back to feeling like myself. Maybe I just need to exercise more, I do know it helps a person’s outlook. But maybe there’s something more. I’m just not sure.

Tomorrow I have my annual check up. It should be super-fun. This, of course, is sarcasm. I don’t enjoy my check up, and I don’t know many people who do. This one will be particularly bad, because I know I haven’t taken care of myself the way I should have. I’m supposed to be losing weight, but I’m certain I’ve gained. I imagine I’ll get scolded for that. UGH. I think I better talk to my provider about my state of mind. Maybe he can help. Talking about it is a step in the right direction, anyway, at least I think it is. Wish me luck.