BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Scatterbrained

Is it just me, or is anyone else having trouble focusing lately?

I came on the computer to view a video for an online course I’m taking. Great. The link is in my email. Fine. I view the video, download the materials that go with it, and find myself deep into a different document shared by my employer. Well, that wasn’t too much of a jump, but I shake myself off, close up that document, and head back to my original task.

Now, with the video watched and the download complete (along with searching for a binder, and some page protectors, and refilling the printer paper), I’m ready to post on the accompanying Facebook group. But wait, that’s interesting… twenty minutes later, I’m back in my email, following a link to renew a subscription I’ve held for the past year (and didn’t get as much out of as I should have – my fault, not theirs). But hold on, the links that are supposed to be live aren’t. Reload. Nope. Restart. And that’s where we are now.

Also, somewhere along the way I managed to check on my voter registration, and see that while I’m registered, the update to my party affiliation hasn’t been recorded. So now I have to go change my registration. But where? The website tells me WHEN I need to update, but not where. I’ll go back to that. And I’m also supposed to email someone about a financial transaction. But who? More email digging, which is likely to end in more distractions.

I feel like this is how my brain operates lately. Either I have a million things half-going, or I barely manage to do anything at all. I’m like a computer with 57 windows open at once, or just a blank screen with a flashing cursor, not sure what to do. I blame not having a regular routine, although my dog – bless her- makes sure I’m up early every morning to face the day. Of course she’s napping now, but hey, she deserves it.

The uncertainty of the times is disorienting. I know I’m not the only one. I know many people have much worse circumstances than I do. I’m not complaining, just noting and reflecting. I’m worried about the start of the school year, and what it will mean to kids, families, and teachers and staff. There are so many unknowns, and so many really awful potential outcomes that I sometimes choose to shut myself off from the outside world. I can only digest so many news conferences and graphs and testimonials per day. This pandemic is an awful thing. I don’t understand how that can’t be a universally agreed upon truth. I worry about the world outside my door, but even as I say that, I plan to stay inside for as long as possible. Now, what was I doing again?


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Confessions of a Cooped Up Teacher 4

Day 18: April 8, 2020

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Walking the dog. Walking her again. And again. And again.

Hours at the dining room table, covered in papers, notebooks, sticky notes, and tech.

Bleary-eyed from wearing glasses for so many hours of the day. Remind me to get my eyes examined. After.

Cooking from the freezer and the pantry. Weighing the urge to pick up groceries against the fear of picking up the virus, and deciding to stay home. To stay safe.

Learning to use Zoom, then not using Zoom. Learning to use Google Meet, then learning how to get rid of that echo. That horrible echo. Learning how to conduct online meetings with nine year olds who are just happy to see one another, and hopefully me.

Learning to sleep through the night in spite of my increased anxiety. Learning to avoid napping in the afternoon as an escape (which in turn messes up the sleeping at night).

Trial and error creating masks. Wearing my mask. Making one for my sweetheart and my son and his roommate and my aunt… Being productive. Helping. At least in a small way.

Appreciating nail technicians. Pedicures are so much more than the polish. I always tip them well, it’s a job I would not want, but I will tip more when I go back. After.

Thinking about everything I see and read in terms of social distancing. Starting to get anxious on those dog walks. Even while wearing my mask.

Appreciating my home. Knowing I have it easy. Appreciating the safety and space and comfort it provides. Appreciating my job and my sense of purpose. Appreciating others who are doing far more and making do with far less.

Waiting. Waiting for this thing to wrap up. For it to stop taking lives. For it to stop interfering with lives. For it to stop ruining lives. Waiting for it to end. Waiting to see the world come alive again.

 


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Confessions of a Cooped Up Teacher

Day One: March 16, 2020

I don’t want to stay home, and yet I want nothing more than to stay home.

I’ve been home for a week. It was spring break, and five glorious days off school were mine! No big plans for me, just some work and some r & r and some time with Mom, doing the mother daughter things: lunch, shopping, movies. The week started off just fine. Yes, there was some rain, but that only made staying in doing nothing that much better. Then it cleared up some, and Mom & I got together and did our thing. It was great. That was last Saturday. On Tuesday we got together again, this time we went to the movies. We had a terrific time and planned to get together again on Thursday. Then all hell broke loose.

1200px-Pandemiclogo.svgWatching the news and reading articles left me with a sense of dread and doom. I did not want to be a part of that, so I switched off my social media and got off my behind. My sweetheart and I did some grocery shopping, made sure we had tp, and planned to lay low. I called Mom to see how she was doing and if she needed anything. She was fine, and said she did not need a thing. Then I told her our plans Thursday were going to have to be delayed. I was not willing to take my eighty-something year old mother into a crowded place just so we could have a nice lunch. She was disappointed, but claimed to understand my reasoning. I think she was just trying to be agreeable.

Since then schools have been shut down in several states, my own included. It was a weight off my chest when the announcement was made last Thursday that our district would close. The entire state is now closed at least until March 27, but between you and me I don’t think schools will be ready to reopen that soon. I keep getting snippets of information, like everyone else. One friend in New York has told me what her district is doing, another friend, who has a daughter in Seattle, has shared some of her experiences. Getting these first and secondhand accounts is powerful. These are REAL people, not alarmists.

Each day I recommit to staying away from people, but it’s so difficult. When my 21 year old called me and asked if we could go to the grocery store together (clearly he was low on funds) I, of course, said yes. And when my brother, mother, and niece asked me to join them for a family St. Patrick’s meal, well, I said yes to that too. But that’s it. I’m not going anywhere after that. Unless I have to.

As of right now, I don’t really know what I have to do. I’ve been gathering some resources for teachers and parents, but honestly, there’s simply too much to sort through. I’m so grateful to all the children’s presses, publishers, authors, bookstores, and curriculum websites. You’ve been so generous with your time and resources. The only issue is that there’s SO much that it’s overwhelming, even for someone like me, who is familiar with much of it (unlike parents). How are we going to pare this down to its most impactful elements and share it equally? How are we going to reach and engage our students when we’re all living in a shared state of disbelief?

I’m sure some guidance will be forthcoming, at least in regard to work. For now I’m grateful that my loved ones are all healthy, and we have what we need. I hope you can say the same.