BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Too Many Shoes?

I’m trying to simplify my life, but I have an event to go to this weekend, and I found the prefect dress for it. The only problem is that it’s navy blue and white.

“Why is that a problem?” you ask (of course if you’re a woman you already know). Yep. Shoes.

shopping-1.jpgWhat shoes to wear? I don’t have any navy blue or white shoes. I don’t even have a neutral shoe. Black. Black. And black. Oh, and some magenta ones I should really get rid of, because they hurt.

I wear a wide width (yeah, I know, no surprise) so shoe shopping is about as much fun as any other type of clothing shopping, which is to say not very fun at all. In fact, the dress came to me in the mail, hand-picked by my Dia & Co stylist. Now that, I like.

Anyway, cute dress, no shoes. That sums up my outfit, except that I need to wear shoes. In fact I need shoes (and outfits) for several events this weekend:shopping.jpg

  1. Religious service followed by semi-casual dinner
  2. More formal religious service followed by luncheon
  3. Dinner and PARTAY!!!
  4. Casual brunch

So you see, going barefoot just wouldn’t work. I needed shoes.

I finally sucked it up and went shoe shopping. Oh, that is NOT fun. Not for me anyway. I went to five stores and came up with three pairs of shoes. Why three? 165449_6_1400x1400.jpgWell, one of them had a BOGO deal going on, and I was having trouble deciding, so for ten dollars more I splurged. Now I own two pairs of brown sandals (either pair will work, trust me) and a pair of light blue flats (which will also work, I swear). Now to try on the dress with all three and figure out which ones will get the spotlight. Then I’ll build some outfits around the others, because really, those shoes deserve to be worn.


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Bra Update

So a word to the wise, when you buy a bra spend a little time getting to know it. Walk around in it. Pick things up in it. Sit down in it. See how you like it.

Maybe, just maybe, it feels pretty good for the first thirty or so minutes, but after that, not so good. Maybe, just maybe, you should keep the tags ON your new purchase and plan to spend a weekend morning in said device before fully committing.

I’m just saying, three minutes in the fitting room is probably not enough time to make a decision that can affect your well being as much as wearing a bra that hurts. There, I said it, it hurts!

Why? Because I sat down. Yes, my crime was sitting. I’m fat, dammit, and when fat people sit stuff gets all squished around and in my case that means that the underwire got forced into my ribs. Ow, ow, ow.

So yes, the bra makes the boobs look pretty darn good for 50, but it’s going to hang out in my closet most of the time. Special occasions, though, look out. Who needs all those ribs, anyway?


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Oh Those Boots

The temperature has finally dipped below 80º (please don’t throw things at me), so it’s time to take out my favorite black boots. I’ve been waiting to wear these for several months, but I just can’t quite do it when it’s hot as Hades outside. Cooler temps call for different clothes, and those clothes call for boots.

I actually have two pairs of black boots, tall and short. They’re both low-heeled and surprisingly comfortable. The short ones are my favorites. They have three buckles on the outside and make me feel like a badass. I call them my motorcycle boots. I have never actually been on a motorcycle, but that’s beside the point. They also remind me of Star Trek inspired fashion. I don’t know why, but I’m pretty sure Lt. Uhura would dig these boots. Captain Kirk might too, I don’t know.

The tall boots are the same kind that everyone else has, the sort of equestrian inspired type, but mine are awesome because they actually fit my fat calves. They’re from Lane Bryant, as are the short ones, so they’re made for a bigger woman. Thank goodness. They’re super cute with leggings (well, so are the short ones) and even skirts.

I do actually have one other pair of boots, but I never wear them. Why? Because they’re hiking boots and when would I hike? I mean, sure, I live in possibly the most inviting place in the world to hike, and the rugged terrain makes the boots really handy should I actually want to hit a trail, but, no, I don’t use them. I should though, I can see that.

I used to wear boots all the time, with purpose. The pair I brought with me to the Valley of the Sun were a well worn pair of Timberlands. They were warm and sturdy and had seen their share of cold weather. Once I moved away from the land of ice and snow I never wore them again.

I also had a pair of L.L. Bean boots, the kind with the brown rubber bottoms and leather on top. They were okay from the point of view that I was a very preppy girl at the time and they were very preppy boots (I’m pretty sure they were even featured in the Preppy Handbook), but they just weren’t warm enough. Rubber, people, think about it.

As a little kid I had crappy boots. This was long before Moon Boots were invented. I remember that we called these awful boots “shoe-boots” because you wore them instead of a shoe, rather than over one. They were some sort of nasty brown plastic-y material with a fuzzy lining and a zipper that wouldn’t always work right. Before that, it was rubber boots worn right over the shoes. You would have to stick your feet in bread bags first, though, so they would slide in and out of the boots. Mine were red.

Naturally, as I got older I resisted the crappy boots and hadn’t yet discovered the “cool” L.L. Bean boots, so I eschewed boots all together. I would wear sneakers and even clogs in the snow. What an idiot. I remember the snow getting into the clogs over and over and forming ice patties under my heels as I walked to school. Like I said, a complete idiot.

I did actually have boots in junior high school, but I didn’t want to wear them in the snow because I didn’t want to ruin the leather. I had a pair of sweet Thom McAn stacked heel round toed boots, that I bought (well, that my Mom bought) simply because my best friend had them. They were ugly. Later on I upgraded to a pair of equally brown, also stacked heel cowgirl boots that were only marginally less ugly. What was I thinking?

That was before my foray into New Wave. Yeah, I didn’t really foray very far, but I did have a pair of tan “elf” boots. Nobody called them that. Just me. I’m a dork. In my defense, though, I don’t think I ever said it out loud.

Later on, I bought myself a really nice pair of Nine West cowgirl boots, low heel, butter soft leather, and a leather strap around the ankle with a silver circle holding it together. No zipper either, real boots. I loved those boots and wore them for years. *Sigh*

My other favorite pair, and really the last pair that mattered until now, were my “witch” boots. Again, my term. I may have said this one out loud. I was in college by this point, and I was a foreign exchange student in England. It was the late eighties, and my wardrobe consisted of genie pants, long pencil skirts, and oversized sweaters. Of course I needed these plain black lace up booties (again, no zipper, I was a purist). Those boots took me all over England, across to Belgium, Switzerland, and Italy, and then over to Portugal. I was undercover in those boots, I didn’t look like an American, and since I was traveling alone, that’s the way I wanted it.  I kind of wish I had a pair just like them today.

I hope you enjoy my favorite Karaoke song, “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'” by Nancy Sinatra. Fabulous boots, a fabulous song, and check out those backup dancers, wow!