BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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So Much for Early Boarding

Tomorrow I get to fly again. As many of you know, flying isn’t my favorite thing, due 99% to my size. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and downright embarrassing. Yet, I fly several times a year, because time is valuable too. Besides, who really wants to drive cross country a couple of times a year?

So, there’s an airline whose fares are typically lower than others, and it flies pretty much wherever I want to go. It also has a credit card that allows me to earn points toward my flights. For those reasons, I usually use said airline. Well, this particular airline doesn’t assign seats, just boarding groups based on when you check in (you can check in 24 hours in advance of your flight). Travelers, you know who I’m talking about.

Well, the airline came up with a plan to allow folks to get an earlier check in position by paying an extra fee. At first it was $12. Okay, for me it was worth it, especially if I was traveling with a companion. Finding two seats together once the plane starts filling up is tough. Then the fee went up. Now it’s $25 and I still pay it. Why? Because I’m fat.

If I can get on a little sooner, I can be sure to get a seatbelt extender with little drama. No flight attendant will tell me she/he has to track one down and then deliver it to me. Then I can slide into a window seat (where I can squish myself into the corner for the duration of the flight) as unobtrusively as possible. I can also avoid the looks of dread from people who see me coming and think to themselves, “God, I hope she doesn’t sit next to me.”

Well, today it happened. I checked in to my flight, after paying the extra fee, and I’m in the B group. NOOOOO. That means after all the A group and family boarding I will finally get my chance. And I’m in the middle of the B group at that. So much for my $25 buying me some peace of mind. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I checked in exactly twenty-four hours before my flight.

So, wish me luck tomorrow. Hopefully I get a window seat. Hopefully there’s a seatbelt extender readily available (or available at all… perish the thought!). Hopefully I’ll get a seat mate who is skinny and not sick and doesn’t put her bare feet on the seat (that was my last flight…ew) and is just generally kind (and maybe not too talkative). Hopefully we have a smooth flight, otherwise those five hours are going to be torture.

And Airlines, don’t mess with the early check-in stuff. If you don’t have anymore available, don’t sell them. I wish I had my $25 back.

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It’s Travel Season Again

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Look at all that room! Ah, the good old days of air travel.

I’m packing up to hit the road again, and I’m kind of dreading it. Maybe because I’m not hitting the road at all, I’m hitting the skies. Hello seatbelt extender, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but we’re going to get cozy over the next couple of weeks. Six flights in all. Yuck. At least two of them feature my sweetheart, and two feature my son, and the final two feature a colleague, so I won’t be shoehorned between total strangers, but still…

Time to grin and bear it. If I have a good attitude, it will make it so much less unpleasant. Here’s to a positive attitude, and safe travels for all. Buckle up!


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Why Being Fat Sucks – Round Two

(Another one from the archives. Enjoy, or cringe…)

Seriously, it’s no fun. Here’s the next installment in the being fat sucks series (see part one here).

 

1. Socks dig into your legs.

2. Your bra side panels sometimes get sucked into the caverns created by your back fat.

3. You have to strategically plan your path through a crowded room.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

4. You bump into every single person along the aisle of the airplane as you walk by.

5. What looks cute on your friends looks absurd on you.

6. Getting out of bed is literally the first challenge of the day.

7. You learn to avoid mirrors, thus failing to notice spinach in your teeth and other ugly details.

8. Your seatbelt never sits quite right so you’re always adjusting it.

9. You worry about riding in other people’s cars, also because of the seatbelt issue.

10. Zip-lining? Forget it.

11. You actually read the weight limits on ladders before you step on them.

12. You avoid folding chairs like the plague (and keep your own super duty chair in the car, just in case).

13. You imagine you would kill the poor mule if you were to sign up for the mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

14. Your feet hurt.

15. You get winded far too quickly.

16. You avoid being in pictures, even of events that you want to remember. When you are in pictures, you dislike what you see.

17. Clothes generally either feel tight or sloppy.

18. Even purse straps seem too small.

19. You feel like servers judge your order in restaurants.

20. The sides of chairs leave marks in your legs when you get up.