BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Being With Myself

Well hello there. It’s been a while, and I have so much to say. So much that I find myself tongue-tied. Where to even begin?

I’m sure you all want to hear about my battle with strep throat, and how it sucker punched me. I’m equally sure you want to know that the medication I took for it didn’t exactly agree with me on all levels. I’ll leave it there for now, and let your active imagination fill in the blanks. Or better yet, don’t.

Then there was the epic trip to The Big Easy. Yes, it deserves all of those capital letters. New Orleans is like no other place on earth, and what better way to experience it than with seven like-minded female friends in a rented house near the French Quarter. I walked, I laughed, I danced, I drank, I ate, I slept, I sang, I played. I loved that trip, and I cherish the memories we made together. Yes, even the memory of paddling in circles in our defective kayak, but that’s another tale for another time.

Of course there has been the ongoing struggle with college applications and scholarships. There are so many t’s to cross and i’s to dot that it can make you crazy. The good news is that it forced me to do my taxes early, so I don’t have that hanging over my head. The bad news is that it never seems to end. Son is still waiting to hear back from three schools, and the waiting is hard on him. Ok, I confess, I don’t like it much either.

I guess what I’m trying to share with you, in a not so organized manner, is that life has been pulling at me lately, and I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed by all of its demands, both positive and negative. I’m in need of a brain break, one that doesn’t involve jazz music, or packing suitcases, or riding in a car with an inexperienced teen driver (did I mention that part? no?). One that doesn’t shoehorn in quick visits with out-of-town relatives and 30 parent-teacher conferences and trying to find time to really enjoy spending time with my mother. I know it sounds selfish to come back from a trip and ask for a break, but I need it. One where there aren’t piles of ungraded papers to greet me upon my return.

In the immortal words of Fergie, “I need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity…”

 

 


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Growing Up

My son is in the throes of the whole transition from high school to college process, and by that I mean he’s scrambling to apply for scholarships while simultaneously working on finishing his IB high school diploma. He’s also waiting to hear whether he’s been accepted to three more universities and from there it will be time to make some decisions. It feels like it’s all happening so fast, yet parts of it (the waiting) feel like slow motion. Still, I think he’s ready (more or less). I’m the one who isn’t quite prepared for what’s coming.

The amazing thing about this kid is that he’s pretty sure he knows exactly what he wants to do. Whether he does it or something completely different isn’t really the point, just the idea that he knows what he wants is mind-blowing to me. I didn’t know what I wanted when I was seventeen, and I’m not entirely sure I know what I want today. Yes, I’m a teacher, and I love teaching, but will I teach forever? And in the same capacity that I do now? Or will I move on to become some type of coach or trainer or workshop provider or something different altogether?

I’m also a writer, but what exactly does that mean? Will BulgingButtons go viral? Hit the big time? Will I become a features writer? Will my pearls of wisdom translate into magazine articles, guest blog spots, short stories, or more? Will the manuscript I penned a while back turn into something? A best seller, even?

When I envision my future, I’m not clear on what I picture. I picture contentment, financial security, and my loving family. Those are the things that I desperately want in the future, but the means to achieving and maintaining them are less clear. I often wish I had the clarity of my teenage son. I know he lacks wisdom, but he makes up for it in enthusiasm. He’s young enough to not care about what he doesn’t know. He doesn’t worry about obstacles, and therefore he doesn’t put any in his own way. I’m the opposite. I’m usually my own worst enemy when it comes to success. I understand this intellectually, but I’m not sure how to combat it, practically.

Maybe I just need to finally make the vision board I’ve been thinking about for so long. I suppose the main reason I haven’t done it yet is that, like I said, my vision isn’t quite clear. It may become clearer as I get to work, though. I know there are certain images I want to include, such as a peaceful writing nook, a stack of books, and my happy family. I think I’ll throw in a stack of money (gotta pay the bills, right?), some healthy foods, and some workout gear too. They say if you can see it, you can be it, so why not?

I think tomorrow I’ll get out the glue stick and start going to town on this project. I love arts and crafts, and this project has been calling my name for a long time. It’s time to get it done and start inviting more success into my life.

 


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When Christmas Isn’t Really Christmas

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Shopping is done. Wrapping is in progress. Dinner is made. Baking is partially done.

It’s December 12, what’s going on? Well, Christmas is coming early to our house. This year our schedules are a little wonky, with some out of town stuff going on and three people with three different schedules trying to work together. I’m okay with it.

Maybe it would bother me if Christmas were about faith for me, but it’s not. I’m a secular Christmas celebrator, so the actual date is far less important to me than the people and traditions involved.

The decorations are in place, the eggnog is chilling, and the Christmas music is playing. I think we’re just about ready, even if we are early. Somehow it seems like it will make the season last just a bit longer, but I’m not sure.

This is kind of new territory for me, so we’ll see how it goes. Whatever happens, I’m pretty sure Santa will be stopping by later tonight, or at least sending someone from his team. I’m pretty sure it will be as magical as always, and I’m pretty sure Christmas isn’t defined by a twenty-four hour period, but more by a feeling. Merry Christmas to all of you, whether you celebrate on December 25, or some other day, or not at all.