Parenting | BulgingButtons

November 4, 2015
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Making Adult Decisions – Thoughts on Navy ROTC

My son is seriously considering making a commitment to the United States Navy in exchange for a four year college scholarship. After graduation, he would give four years of full-time active duty service to the Navy as an officer. Of course he would have to be offered this scholarship, but after discussing his situation with the ROTC recruiter (test scores, GPA, extra-curricular activities, interests, etc.), it looks like he’s an excellent candidate.

I have to be honest, I have some mixed feelings about this whole situation.

There are many positives, not the least of which is a “free” college education. He would graduate with a guaranteed first job, and, if he wanted to, a ready-made career. If he wanted to try something else after his four year commitment, he would enter the civilian workforce with four years of practical experience and a military background, which (I think) would make him a desirable candidate for most companies.

Additionally, he would graduate from college with no little to no debt, and he would have a built-in support and accountability system in place wherever he ends up in college. No doubt about it, there are plenty of benefits to and ROTC scholarship.

But then there’s the flip side. The four years (or more, if he chooses) afterward. The Navy will decide where he will live and what work he will do. Our nation is not at peace. Do I really want my son in the military when men and women are dying in combat?

I absolutely support him in this endeavor, but I did tell him that I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about sharing him with the United States Navy. His answer? “It’s not your decision to make.” He didn’t say it in a mean or sarcastic way. He just said it matter-of-factly. The thing is, he’s absolutely right. This is his decision to make. He’s decided to apply for the scholarship, and I’m pretty sure he’ll get it. I know it can be a very good thing for him, but it’s still a little bittersweet for me to realize that he’s old enough and mature enough to be making these types of decisions.

November 2, 2015
by BulgingButtons 7 Comments

A Peanut Free Halloween?

Did you all see the teal pumpkins this year? I saw quite a few on my Facebook feed, but none in my neighborhood. Maybe the word got out too late, after all, I only heard about it on the news the day before Halloween.

For those that missed it, there has been a move toward handing out treats that children with allergies and other food issues can enjoy, such as stickers, pencils, and small toys. Homes that have such treats display a teal pumpkin. I think this is a lovely idea, and provides a nice way for children who have various food issues to participate fully.

That being said, I still take issue with the anonymous mom who plastered her neighborhood with flyers pressuring her neighbors to give out only peanut-free treats, and provided a list of alternatives, including carrots and raisins. No kid wants carrots or raisins for Halloween, allergies or not. Kids want candy, and Halloween is the one night a year when they have the ability to go around scavenging for it. Presumably they put at least some effort into a costume, and they put in the effort to go door to door. Their reward is the candy, or other treat.

Yes, I know that some kids have allergies, sometimes even severe enough to be life-threatening. Those kids can’t eat certain candies, that’s a given. So parents, here’s where you come in. Do what works for your child, within the context of the holiday. Does it mean that your child has to stay home? No! It may mean that you have to be extremely careful about sorting candy, or that you don’t accept any candies that you know are a problem for your child. Maybe it means that you trade out the part of the stash that’s no good for your child. You can make this work, without trying to shame everyone else into passing out carrots and raisins.

Last night we had that exact scenario. A boy of about ten came clomping up the driveway, very awkwardly, in his scuba fins. His costume was entirely homemade, and certainly took a great deal of time and effort. His sister and mother were right there with him, and he requested any candy that we might have with no nuts. We had something for him, and he was delighted. He was friendly, confident, and very carefully watched by his equally friendly mother. I’m sure that if we had no candy for him, there wouldn’t have been pouting or tears. This child knows he has an allergy, and he has to live with it. His mother is teaching him how.

I think that working with our kids to understand that sometimes things don’t work out exactly in their favor is doing them more of a service than trying to bully everyone around you into treating your child differently. I’m afraid that type of behavior can easily breed a victim mentality. Yes, people have different needs, but in the case of Halloween, those needs can be easily accommodated within the family.

The teal pumpkins are fine. They’re thoughtful and those families that provide something different should be thanked. I might even do it next year, but this year we gave out plain old candy, and lots of it. Halloween is about the fun, not about making a political statement. Yes, let your kids trick-or-treat, and then address the loot situation at home. I think flexible parents raise flexible kids who can learn to accept that fact that eating certain foods is a bad idea for them. In spite of it all, Halloween can still be a fun night for kids, even those with allergies.

October 29, 2015
by BulgingButtons 4 Comments

Throwback Thursday – College Applications

Since my son is in the throes of this momentous process, I thought I would take the opportunity to compare and contrast his experience with mine.

First off, I applied to colleges in the mid-1980’s, long before not only internet, but personal computers. Every application was paper, and had to be requested from the university (or just arrived in the mail unsolicited), Each one had to be filled out in ink, either by hand (frowned upon) or by typewriter. Of course if you made a mistake, it would show, even if you used correcting tape or fluid. Accuracy was important. So was lining up the printed lines on the application with your responses. It was easy to make even the most carefully thought out application appear haphazard and sloppy.

My son has the luxury of using the computer for his applications. His responses are neat and clean, and there’s a common application that many of the universities utilize, so he doesn’t have to input his data over and over. He can also word process his essays, then paste them into the appropriate fields depending on the school to which he’s applying. I can easily look over his work, and suggest minor edits that he’s likely to implement, since they don’t mean starting from scratch.

Just like Dad’s old typewriter, my friend from applications all the way through graduation.

When I did applications, letters of reference had to be handed to my teachers, along with pre-addressed, stamped envelopes. Each university expected the letter to be composed on its own form, no photo-copies allowed. Test score reports and transcripts were handled in much the same way.

My son, on the other hand, just needs to login to the test score company to request score reports, and there’s another website that handles his transcripts. His teachers are happy to provide letters of reference, since they keep a file and copy and paste it as many times as are necessary. The whole process is fast, easy, and painless. Well, pretty painless. There are still costs involved, but the time and stress that are saved are immeasurable.

I wish all of today’s resources had been around when I was applying to colleges. I would have tried for more scholarships, for one thing. I would have saved a ton of time, for another. I’m glad my son has these resources. Now to sit back and wait for the results.