BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl

Category Archives: Parenting


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My Fifteen Minutes of Fame

A while back I wrote a back-to-school blogpost that was later modified and run by Scary Mommy. Scary Mommy is a huge website full of content for moms who may sometimes feel like they’re hanging on by the skin of their teeth. I can relate.

Well, that article generated quite a buzz, and it ended up being shared several times, on several different websites internationally. It was particularly popular in Greece, for some reason. I’m not really sure why, and I wouldn’t even know whom to ask.

The reason I bring it up is that someone visited the blog recently through the Scary Mommy link. Hooray! I was able to see what they saw, and came across my author page along with the article. I was so glad, because I thought I lost that link forever.

In case you’re interested, here it is: 10 Back to School Supplies Money Can’t Buy . I know it’s the wrong time of year, but what do you think? The article generated a huge positive response, but there were a few angry comments saying I had no business telling people what to do. My intent was never to scold or come across as all knowing. I know parenting is difficult. I also know, from years of experience working with hundreds (thousands?) of kids that so often what they need most from their parents are things money can’t buy.

It was nice to see that old article again. It reminded me of my fifteen minutes in the spotlight, and it gave me hope that maybe somewhere somebody was taking my words to heart and spending a little extra time loving on their kids.


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Thank Goodness for the Arts

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A middle school writer with her nature art inspired writing.

I’m fortunate that I work in a school district where the arts are appreciated and celebrated. We’re an elementary district with students from early childhood through eighth grade. We still have music teachers in our schools; general music for the younger students, and choir, band, and orchestra for the older ones.

Art is alive in our district too, but to a lesser extent in most of the schools. Many of our students don’t have a very strong start in life, and as a result they begin school missing some important skills and experiences. Unfortunately these children spend a great deal of time trying to “catch up” to their peers, and as a result sometimes the fun things (like art) get pushed aside, especially when the pressure of testing is added to the situation.

It’s a pity, really, since the arts are where so many children shine. They have the opportunity to express themselves in ways that are different than the typical classroom setting, and for kids with language delays, learning disabilities, limited English proficiency, behavioral challenges, and more, they are a saving grace.

The arts allow kids to approach the world from their own plane, wherever that may be. They can sing out, dance, paint, draw, mold, model, and manipulate their world in a way that makes sense to them. They are a release and a gift.

Our fourth grade students have been given that gift again this year, as they participate in an original musical conceived, written, and directed by our very talented music teacher. He even made the giant glow-in-the-dark puppets that take the stage and raised funds for the black lights that make the whole show pop. Oh, and he wrote all the music too, as well as taught every lyric to the entire fourth grade. Whew!

Our kids are lucky. They will perform for their friends and families and they will keep the individual puppets that they each created and will use in the show. They are growing up with the arts as an important part of their lives. Too many children are not. Too many schools are throwing out the arts. Too many families shun the arts in favor of less enriching activities. I get it, as parents we’re tired, and helping kids write songs and put on skits and dress up as various characters takes time and energy that we have precious little of. It’s worth it, though. The arts promote creative thinking and problem solving, and they help to increase communication skills, as well as promoting a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Let’s take some time to share the arts with a child. Drama, poetry, ceramics, painting, dance: whatever you enjoy can be enjoyed with a child. I would encourage you to share your talents and interests with some special young person in your life. You will both benefit.


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My Empty Nest

Urban birds nest isolated on white.

I didn’t want to write about it. Writing makes me think, and this is something that is painful to think about. Okay, so maybe that seems melodramatic, but it’s how I feel. The little boy that I raised is no longer a little boy, and he’s no longer here. What’s worse is that little boy will never return. Ouch.

I know he’s a young man now and he’s where he is supposed to be.

I know he has a good head on his shoulders and I trust him to make good decisions, at least most of the time.

I know that this separation is not only normal, but desirable. He’s supposed to move on. I get it. But it still stings.

The other day I was packing my lunch for work and it dawned on me that I couldn’t recall the last time I packed him a lunch. He’s eighteen, a freshman in college, and quite self-sufficient. When did that happen? When was the last time I made him a sandwich, placed it in a ziplock bag in a lunch box, added raisins, carrots, and a granola bar, then a juice box and ice pack to combat the Arizona heat? Did he enjoy those lunches? Did he prefer strawberries or apple slices? Wheat thins or triscuits? Why can’t I remember?

Why can’t I remember the last time I read him a bedtime story or tucked him in? Why can’t I remember the last time I brushed his teeth or gave him a bath? I did all of those things hundreds and hundreds of times, but I don’t know when I stopped doing them. Why didn’t I pay closer attention? Now he’s gone, and it’s never going to be quite the same.

If getting divorced and ending up in a joint custody situation has had any upside, it’s this: at least I know how to survive without him. Those first few years were hell. Every time he was away from home was absolutely heart wrenching to me. When you have children and a marriage ends, joint custody is the norm, unless there’s a problem with one of the parents. In our case I had my son most of the time, but his father saw him weekly and kept him every other weekend. It was important that their relationship remained as intact as possible, given the circumstances.

My head understood this and supported it completely, but my heart was wounded deeply. I felt cheated out of my right to have my child by my side. How could I mother him if he wasn’t there? I hated it, but learned to live with it. That adjustment has been a life saver now.  I learned to trust that he was okay when he was away, and that if he needed me he had the means and opportunity to reach out to me. That hasn’t changed. I’m here if he needs me, but I’m confident that he’s okay.

Still, there are times I want that little kid back. The one I sang to at night, the one who made mini-golf courses in his bedroom and left his socks all over the house. I miss that kid, and I always will, but the young man he’s become is pretty great too, so I choose to focus on the here and now, and look toward the future.