Writing | BulgingButtons

February 19, 2015
by BulgingButtons 2 Comments

When Worlds Collide – Which Face Do I Show?

I write. Sometimes it comes easily to me and other times I struggle.

I blog. I don’t take it too seriously, and I allow myself to be totally real on the blog.

I teach. I take it very seriously and sometimes I get frustrated with the current state of education.

I parent. Sometimes it comes easily, and other times I struggle. Sometimes I take it seriously and other times I take it easy.

This week I have the privilege of attending a national writing conference for educators, and the bonus is that I’m attending it on a full scholarship. I feel honored to have been chosen for this award, and I’m excited to mingle with and learn from my fellow writers and educators. The question is, which face do I show today?

Am I the elementary school teacher who happens to teach summer writing workshops at the University? Am I the educator/writer who has been involved with the National Writing Project in various capacities for the past five years? Am I the world-famous blogger and author of BulgingButtons? Am I the aspiring Young Adult novelist who is working on revising her manuscript? Am I the author of articles that have been published both online and in print? Am I the brains behind Soaring Pig Press? Yes. I am. But how do I share any of that with people I meet? Especially when at heart I’m an introvert?

Conferences can be difficult for me. I love them because I always learn a lot, but I’m not naturally outgoing, so the in-between times can be a little awkward for me. I feel like I have an obligation both to myself and to the good people who provided my scholarship to not only take away from the conference, but to contribute to it as well. Each voice that joins the conversation potentially adds to the experience. Each point of view, each anecdote, each shred of advice or encouragement helps to build a valuable and comprehensive learning environment. I feel that I have to be part of that building process. I have to bring something to the table, so to speak.

No, I’m not expected to give a presentation, but I do expect to push myself out of my comfort zone and make some connections at this conference. I will introduce myself as a writer, educator, and blogger, and I will listen to others with an open mind and an open heart. I will learn and I will share what I’ve learned. I will happily accept encouragement, and I will freely share it with others. I feel sure that this conference will be a positive learning experience, and by walking in with that knowledge, it can’t help but be true, no matter which face I happen to be showing.

February 16, 2015
by BulgingButtons 6 Comments

I Won the Powerball!

Until last week I had never purchased a lottery ticket in my life.

Unless you count those scratch-off tickets. I’ve bought a few of those here and there.

Oh, and years ago I remember filling in a bunch of number bubbles, much like a standardized test. I guess that must have been a lottery ticket too, huh? So maybe I have bought a few lottery tickets over the years.

Until last week I had never won the lottery.

Nope, not true either. There was a scratch-off ticket in my Christmas stocking a while back that yielded a $14 prize.

In spite of all that, the fact remains, I won the Powerball!

Not the whole thing, mind you. You might have seen me on tv if I had. No, I just won a small (very very small) part of it. Still, the thing is, I won! I paid $2 for my ticket and I’m receiving more than that back. That, to me, is winning.

Now I know that winning the lottery isn’t a good retirement plan. It’s not the way to build your future. The odds are stacked so high against you that winning anything is a thrill. But here’s the thing, it’s just like the commercials say, you can’t win if you don’t play.

Even with my winning record, I’m not planning on becoming a lottery regular, but when there’s a big jackpot I just might throw my $2 into the ring. To me it all boils down to risk vs. reward. The risk-which can also be though of as cost (in this case $2) is small, and the reward (possibly millions of dollars) is great. Now factor in the odds (astronomical) and decide whether it’s worth it. Every once in a while, to me, it is.

So how does this apply to everyday life?

Well, let’s take the example of the college scholarship game. There are gazillions of them available (so it seems) but they each have their own criteria and rules. For each one that a student applies to, he has to weigh the cost (what is this requiring me to do? how much time will it take? will it take away from my studies or other responsibilities?) with the benefit (is this scholarship worth $500, $5,000, $50,000?) and the odds (is it open to just anyone? is it well publicized? how many winners are awarded?). In a perfect world a student would apply for all of them and receive several, but in the real world students have busy schedules.

Applying for scholarships can’t take away from writing history papers and completing chemistry projects and studying for calculus exams, not to mention preparing for the SAT and learning to drive and going to tennis practice. A balance needs to be struck. Still, to not try for any of them seems foolish.

The same goes for the world of writing. There are writing contests to enter and the world of publishing is like one giant lottery. What shall I write? For which audience? To whom shall I pitch? Just like with the Powerball, though, if you don’t play you can’t win. Nobody will read anything that is safely stored on my computer or tucked away on a memory stick. If I want to win (and winning is subjective, does it mean a guest blog post on a favorite blog? an article published in an e-zine? a deal with a publishing house? a best seller?) I have to go for it. I have to not only write, but submit!

Like so many other things in life, the ideas are simple, but the follow through is difficult.

If I want my son to complete and submit quality scholarship applications, the least I can do is put my money where my mouth is and complete and submit quality pieces of writing. If he can do it, so can I. Maybe we’ll both end up big winners.

January 1, 2015
by BulgingButtons 4 Comments

I’m Back! Happy 2015

It’s another New Year, and so it feels like a fresh start. It feels like a brand new clean sheet of paper waiting to be written on. At least that’s what I wish it felt like. The reality is slightly different.

The reality is that my house stinks like pork ramen that my teenager apparently made in the middle of the night, and there’s the remains of a partly finished bottle of champagne on the counter along with two dirty flutes and some cracker crumbs and leftover crunch-n-munch in a bowl, and there are clothes in the dryer waiting to be folded and put away, and there’s over a week’s worth of mail to be read and sorted, and bills to be paid, and suitcases to be unpacked, and yes, still boxes from the move back in July to be dealt with. Oh. My. Gawd.

Throw in the fact that the heat isn’t working properly and that we currently have no power to the master bathroom, and all of a sudden the New Year is feeling sort of overwhelming. In fact, I don’t think I have six square feet of space anywhere in this house where I feel like everything is as it should be, even if I disregard the cold factor.

I wanted to start 2015 with a bang. I wanted to refocus and reenergize. I wanted to make it the BEST. YEAR. EVER. But here it is, not even 9 am and I realizing that maybe that goal is just a little too lofty. I need to readjust. So here’s what I’m going for instead. I’m going to do the best I can. And some days maybe even not that. I’m going to focus on the small victories, like the fact that just this morning I managed to get all my music into my new phone. Man the learning curve on that thing is steep!

I’m going to celebrate each time the dishwasher gets emptied. I’m going to feel satisfaction every time laundry is completed. I’m going to congratulate myself each time I lace up my sneakers and go for a walk. I’m going to rejoice in the love of my family. I’m going to focus on living in the moment while still keeping an eye to the future. It’s coming up quickly. We’re already halfway through my son’s junior year of high school, and once he finishes there will be huge changes for all of us. This is both exciting and terrifying, but I know we’ll get through it.

In the meantime I will keep writing, I will keep reading, I will keep teaching, I will keep living and loving and learning and trying to see the world through a positive lens. I will keep moving ahead, one step at a time. For my first step, I will clean up the kitchen. It may not be much, but it’s a start.