parenting | BulgingButtons

March 14, 2015
by BulgingButtons 2 Comments

The SAT and Me (Actually my Kid, but it Didn’t Rhyme)

In a few hours my son will wake up and sharpen a few Number 2 pencils, then go off to take his SAT. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this particular phenomenon, the SAT is the Scholastic Aptitude Test, and in the U.S. it’s the biggie for college (or university) acceptance.

In addition to scrutinizing students’ academic records and reviewing their extracurricular activities, schools also look at their test scores to decide little things like whether or not to accept them and/or offer them various types of financial aid. Naturally the better a student scores, the more opportunities are likely to become available to him.

Realistically, in this country there are so many colleges and universities that virtually any student willing to fork over tuition money should be able to find a spot somewhere. The application process, including the whole SAT (or, in some cases, ACT – a similar test) exercise is really just to sort potential students into various tiers. Top universities want top students, so these exams are supposed to give them some feedback on who those top prospects might be. I get it. It still stresses me out a little.

Honestly, I think I get a little more worried about these types of things than my son does. I suppose it’s because I can see cause and effect relationships that can result from scoring well or not-so-well. To him it’s just another test, another hurdle he has to jump over in his high school career. I don’t know that he sees it as any more or less important than any other test. I mean I know that we’ve had conversations about it, but truthfully I don’t think they really made much impact. He’s had a lot on his mind, and this is just another thing on the list. Frankly, I think he’d rather skip it, but he knows it’s required, so he’ll do it.

It isn’t that I don’t think he’ll do well. I do. He’s bright and retains information really well. He has good test taking strategies, and good time management skills, and he’s been preparing. He knows the format of the test, and he has the ability to do well, if the practice sessions are any indication. He’s also a good test taker, meaning that he doesn’t get overly anxious. He’ll be just fine.

Over the years I’ve worked part-time administering standardized tests such as the SAT and I’ve seen thousands of students take them. Some come in nervously chewing on their pencils, others come in as though they’ve been up all night partying. There are flirty girls, nervously giggling, and beefy guys who look uncomfortable in a large lecture hall, and kids like my son. Kids who are regular nice high school kids trying to do their best so they can keep as many options open for their futures as possible. Kids who work hard and study, but also have other interests. Kids who want to do well, not only for themselves, but also to make their families proud. I always root for those kids. I always think those are the kids who are going to make a difference. I’m rooting for those kids today, but one of them is getting a little more of my support than usual. Show them what you’ve got, son.

February 18, 2015
by BulgingButtons Leave a comment

More About Money

As you may already know, I’m a Powerball success story. I’m also the mother of a high school student with not only the aspirations, but the ability, to attend a “good” college. Unfortunately my lottery winnings are hardly substantial enough to foot the bill for his upcoming college education, so I’m researching alternate sources of funding.

I’ve begun by focusing on one particular book. I came upon it quite accidentally, there in the row of SAT prep books, smaller than the giant workbooks, but still a commanding presence on the shelf. It’s a guide to college scholarships. It has a fancy title, and a whole lot of tips and advice. I’ve been working my way through this book, and taking the author’s information to heart. After all, he went to Harvard practically for free, he must know something.

I’ve also recently finished reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. The good news is, I’m well on my way with his baby steps. He explains them in a nutshell here. After reading this book, I’m more determined than ever to seek out sources of college funding other than loans. The two books together, along with the power of the internet, have led me down a path where I can guide my son to apply for certain scholarship opportunities. I do the “heavy lifting” of tracking down scholarships for which he qualifies, then I create a word document with everything he needs to know about the scholarship. For example, many of them require essays. I copy in the prompt, along with the specific directions and deadlines, then highlight the due date and word counts. My son takes it from there. At least in theory. So far he hasn’t written any, but in fairness this system just started, and he has school and tennis team and the SAT to think about too.

I’m hopeful that with a structured approach, and a year and a half in which to do it, he can attain a fair number of scholarships, as well as secure a spot at a fine college or university with a program of study that he finds engaging. At the moment he wants to study chemical engineering. He chose this field when he was ten, and he’s researched what it takes to become one. I think he’d be good at it. I’m not sure where this particular interest developed, but I’m glad it did. “My son the engineer,” has a nice ring to it, and it’s a field where he can be intellectually challenged and make a positive impact, not to mention make a decent living.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, though. My son the high school student still has a way to go, and it’s up to me to help him get there. Although facing this next chapter of his life is bittersweet for me, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

December 10, 2014
by BulgingButtons 6 Comments

Leave the Elf Mommies Alone

In recent years a most polarizing phenomenon has swept this nation. It seems fairly innocent at first, but I assure you it is not. When you spend a few minutes thinking about it, you may begin to ask yourself some interesting moral questions. Then, when you read what others think about it, you may find yourself swayed by one camp or the other.

This trend dividing our nation? Why, the Elf on a Shelf, of course.

This little guy (or gal) didn’t exist until fairly recently, but he (for the sake of simplicity I’m going with a male elf) has certainly hit the big time. I can honestly say I’m glad I was unaware of him when my son was little, because I would have had to take sides.

What’s at stake? Well, a fair amount. There are elf do-ers, elf wannabes, and elf avoiders. Some of those avoiders are vehemently anti-elf, for a variety of reasons.

For the uninitiated (where have you been?) here’s the story, as I understand it. One of Santa’s little elves goes to live with a family during the Christmas season and while he’s there he spies on the kids of the house to make sure they’re being good. He regularly flies up to the North Pole to report on those kids. He also routinely gets into trouble while he’s visiting, usually when everyone else is sleeping..

Said elf is a creepy looking little guy who is easily pose-able and gets moved around the house and often into various crazy situations.

Now aside from the unpleasant fact that harboring a spying elf seems a lot like being forced to house an opposing army, it can end up being a lot of fun. IF it’s something you want to do. IF it’s something your kids would enjoy. IF you feel like you have the time, energy, and creativity. And if you do, why not?

Honestly, I don’t think I would have been an elf mommy if they had been around when my son was little, but who knows? Maybe I would have been swept up in it. Maybe my son would have asked why none of Santa’s elves came to live with us. Maybe I would have been intrigued by the whole mischief element. Maybe.

All I know is that it’s a good thing that Pinterest didn’t exist back then either. I was having enough feelings of inadequacy just watching HGTV every now and again, I didn’t need to be bomarded by images of everyone else’s perfect worlds.

I think that’s where some of the elf hate comes in. Oh sure, it’s kind of creepy that grownups are setting up mischief scenarios involving their elves while their kids are asleep, but so what? I think the so what is that those who aren’t doing it don’t want to feel badly about not doing it.

Holidays are crazy times. We hold on to old traditions, evaluate new ones, and decide which ones we want to adopt. The elf is a fun tradition for many families, and a collosal pain in the neck for others. If that’s the case for you, don’t do it. Elves fly away. Maybe yours was needed elsewhere. Maybe your child can behave without a doll checking up on her.

Many parents are irritated that they are being made to feel like they don’t do enough for their children because they don’t stay up half the night staging an elf kitchen disaster. They forget to move the elf and wait until the kid is in the bathroom. To those parents, I say, don’t sweat it. Pack it up, put it away, and let the children know they have reached a new milestone, the time in their lives when they are expected to make good choices because they’re the correct ones, not because Santa has spies.

Opting out is perfectly okay. You are not the Joneses (or maybe you are, but you just don’t want to do it). No worries. Your kid will bounce back.

But what about the flip side? What about the parents (typically mommies from what I can tell) that obsess over the antics of these little elves? Is there really anything so awful about that? They’re expressing their creativity in a way that’s meant to delight their child (is it bad to guess that they only have one?). I like to think they are creative and quirky and fun. I’m not talking about the parents who try to scare their kids with threats of “No Christmas” or other such nonsense, I’m talking about the ones who are taking this whole little elf theme and having fun with it, dreaming up clever new scenarios for the elves to charm their kids. Are these bad people? I submit that they are not.

The mommies who are having fun with the elf thing are NOT doing it to irritate you. They are not secretly thinking that if only you did the elf thing, you would be a better parent and your child would have more success in the future. Well, maybe they’re thinking some of that, but who cares? You shouldn’t. It doesn’t affect you. It isn’t about you. It’s about them having fun and sharing the fun with others. If you feel bad about it that’s your issue, not theirs.

In short:

1. The elf is kind of creepy

2. Having him in your home is sort of like harboring the enemy during wartime

3. If you don’t want to do it, don’t

4. If you’re already doing it but don’t like it, stop

5. If other people are enjoying it, leave them alone

That’s it. Regardless of whether Santa’s elves are watching you or not, be nice. Today, tomorrow, always.