shopping | BulgingButtons

September 13, 2013
by BulgingButtons 8 Comments

Getting my Fight On

The other night I finally got my first boxing lesson. It’s been in the works since July, when I bought my fabulous pink boxing gloves. I was informed that we needed a few other items before we could begin. No problem. Contact pads and kick pad purchased, jump rope unearthed. Check, check, and check. I was ready and willing. At last, we found a time to begin.

The lesson was held on the back patio. It’s a very small patio, so a lounge chair had to be temporarily relocated. Furniture moved. Check. Ok, at last! Now I get to hit!

Uh, no. Not yet.

First I had to jump rope. Yes, really. Do you have any idea how much I weigh? A lot! It takes a tremendous amount of effort to get this bulk free from gravity’s pull, even for a moment. Then there’s the whole coordination thing. I’m not so great at that. I have jumped rope before, but I don’t remember it being so difficult. I would get 4 or 5 jumps in a row, then miss. My longest streak was 14. That’s pitiful.

Not only do I suck at jumping rope, jumping rope causes me to suck. Suck wind, that is. Wowie zowie. It’s way harder than I remember, and I was huffing and puffing like crazy. It was way harder than swimming or walking the treadmill. My trainer actually began to feel sorry for my uncoordinated butt and just had me jump, sans rope.

Eventually, mercifully, the jumping portion of the workout ended. I could have thrown in the towel right there, but I was told to get the gloves on, so how could I quit?

Once they were on, I was given a lesson on posture. Then I was taught how to jab and hit. You know what? I really like it. I like the motion and the sound and the contact. I like feeling the energy move through my body, then exit through my fist.

My lesson didn’t last long, but after the jumping torture it was incredibly fun. Take a note, I actually liked this form of exercise.

The big surprise, however, was yet to be revealed. It was two days later that I discovered muscles in parts of my torso that I thought were so deeply covered in fat that they would never function again. That discomfort reminded me (with every move) that I really did do something good. It wasn’t all a dream.

September 3, 2013
by BulgingButtons 3 Comments

Feeling a Little Less Wobbly

Remember that scene in Shallow Hal where Rosemary ends up on the floor of the ice cream shop because her chair breaks? You don’t? You didn’t see it? That’s ok. Rosemary is extremely obese, but Hal can’t see it because he’s under a spell that allows him to see people through the lens of their inner beauty. In other words, he sees Gwyneth Paltrow while the rest of the world sees her in a fat suit. While they are on a date, her chair gives way and she ends up on the floor. It’s a common fat person nightmare.

It’s a nightmare that until yesterday I was in danger of living. You see, we had these extremely cheap-o chairs around our kitchen table. They were the Swedish assemble it yourself and save type, and they served us well for about a year. After that, they started to wobble. All of them, not just mine. Tightening screws didn’t seem to help, so we got used to sitting in chairs that were a little wonky. Then one morning about two weeks ago, it happened. Mine shifted. It was like an amusement park ride, only it wasn’t amusing. All of a sudden I started listing to one side. My cat like reflexes steadied me, but I was shaken. A screw had broken, and the whole thing now resembled something Salvador Dali might have designed.

Now the good news is that there are three of us who use chairs in our household and four chairs. A shift was made, and we carried on. However, I couldn’t get the image of Rosemary on the floor out of my mind. It was only a matter of time with these wonky chairs. I was just too much for them.

Yesterday I decided that enough was enough. My errands took me to a warehouse store, where they had exactly what I wanted. They were sturdy, inexpensive, and similar in style to the old chairs. We brought them home, set them up, and I’ve been sitting pretty ever since. One less fat person thing to worry about. Now I can comfortably sit at the kitchen table and catch up on my work that I’ve put aside in favor of blogging. What a relief.

August 24, 2013
by BulgingButtons 1 Comment

No Whales Allowed

My sweetheart is not a swimmer. He never learned how growing up, and he’s just not that comfortable in the water. I, on the other hand, am a fish. Or, according to a major swimsuit manufacturer, perhaps a whale.

Here’s what happened. My sweetie was perusing a website looking for a suit. He knows I love the water, and I spend a fair amount of time in our backyard pool. On hot summer days he’ll sit out with me and bake as I enjoy the lovely feeling of being surrounded by soothing cooling water. I urge him to come in, but his response has always been that he can’t because he doesn’t have a swim suit. Uh huh.

http://www.jacketflap.com/megablog/index.asp?tagid=1393&tag=editors

From There’s a Whale in my Swimming Pool

He has gone to this website before. He has chosen his swim suit. He has said he will order it. He has not. Anyway, he was there again today and saw that they advertised plus sized suits for women. Being the wonderful man he is, he thought there might be a nice one for me.

From the other room he asked what size I wore. I didn’t know what sizing system this manufacturer used so I couldn’t give him an answer. Some go by dress sizes, some follow the 2X, 3X, etc. model, and some go by bust size. I joined him at the computer and we clicked on their sizing chart.

Okay, here we go. According to them a 14 is XL, a 16 is 2XL and an 18 is 3XL. Only a very few styles were offered in the 3XL (which, in the normal world is usually a 22-24). Hmmmm. It seems to me that while they are offering a few extended sizes the promise of plus sizes is merely a tease.

There is a whole world of fat women out there longing for quality products that fit. I just can’t quite figure out why manufacturers don’t want our business. Guess I’ll keep getting my Catalina swimsuits. They always fit and they are inexpensive. And the best part about them? They never make me feel like a whale!