September 14, 2013
by BulgingButtons 4 Comments

Daily Passion Prompt 9: Jumping Self Imposed Hurdles

TODAY’S QUESTION:

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE KEEPING YOU FROM LIVING YOUR PASSION?

I think of obstacles as hurdles. They’re in your way, but they’re not insurmountable. In fact, you really don’t even have to go over them in all cases. Sometimes you can simply knock them down or go around them. Now brick walls are a different story. Those need to be scaled or demolished, which is a similar concept, but on a much grander scale.

Fortunately for me, I don’t have any brick walls in my way. To me, the brick walls in life are things like substance abuse issues, lack of a basic education, mental or physical illness, poverty, fear from living in an abusive situation, and loneliness. Some of those may be overcome with tools, support, and determination, but others may not. I’m thankful that none of those situations apply to my life at this time. If I’m fortunate, they never will.

The type of obstacles I face are largely the self-imposed ones. A quick run-down includes:

1. indecision

2. being uninformed

3. inertia

4. fear of change

Let’s examine these one at a time. Indecision is probably the biggest issue for me. I’m indecisive about what living my passion means or looks like. I’m not sure how to achieve a goal that I have yet to firmly define. I am passionate about writing, and would love to take my writing beyond my beloved blog, but I’m not certain in what direction I wish to go. I don’t have a Harry Potter or a Fifty Shades of Grey series in me, this I know. I have to figure out exactly what it is that I DO have in me.

The second issue is that I’m uninformed about how exactly this whole writing/publishing thing works. This is entirely my own fault. I know authors, I’m part of writing groups, and I have resources. I need to spend more time learning and less time making excuses, which brings me to the next point, inertia.

It is far easier to do what you already know than to change things up. I’ve lived this too many times to count. I’ve spent years in jobs that took life out of me, and I’ve given far too much of myself to relationships that gave me little in return. Why? Inertia. Change is difficult. It’s physics, really. Newton’s law. A body at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. Something like that. I can’t spend the rest of my life waiting for outside forces to intervene, though. If it’s to be, I have to make it happen, whatever “IT” happens to ends up being.

It’s all well and good to put out the rallying cry, but in the end I think the main reason for emotional inertia, Newton aside, is fear. After all, I’m only human. I know what I know and I know how to navigate the life I currently lead. I’m happy. I enjoy my work and my students and colleagues. I feel happy and productive and content that I’m making a contribution to the greater good. I’m generally satisfied with the compensation I receive for that work. Overall, things are pretty good. So why mess with a good thing?

I’m not afraid of failure. I’m not jumping off a cliff. Failure in a writing or publishing endeavor won’t leave me crumpled on a canyon floor. It won’t take food off my family’s table or turn us out into the street. It’s not failure that concerns me, it’s, dare I say it, success. What would that look like? What would that feel like? Would I leave my current situation? Would I be a pretender? Would I fool the general public, or at least a tiny slice of it, into believing whatever it is I’m selling? Because as an author, you really are selling. You’re selling your story and your point of view and your voice. Am I up to that task? I just don’t know yet. And I’m just not sure how I ought to proceed. Damn, there’s that indecision again.

September 11, 2013
by BulgingButtons 3 Comments

Talking So Much I’m Losing My Voice

So here’s my latest conundrum: I’ve been writing these daily passion prompt pieces, and publishing something new every day. So, you may ask, why is that a conundrum? ( I just love the word conundrum, how exciting to get to write it three times in three sentences!) Well, here’s the issue. As I respond to these questions, I focus on what the prompt is asking me. This is fine. It’s even a good thing. After all, that’s the whole point of having prompts. But as I focus on these prompts, they tend to take me away from the things on which I really want to focus.

I’m here to get my act together. I’m here to get healthy and fit and try to have a little fun along the way. I’m here to write and blog and publish and learn how to cultivate an audience and focus my thoughts (I know… Not my strong suit). I like challenges, and so far I’m seven days into a thirty-nine day challenge. I know I can complete the challenge. I can produce thirty-nine responses to questions designed to help me lead a better and more fulfilling life. And I want to do it. I want to start something and successfully finish it. Not that I’m a slacker. I’m not. But I’m starting to question whether I should keep writing these daily passion prompts. I’m starting to wonder if they’re actually diluting the quality of my writing and taking me away from the reasons I started blogging to begin with.

What I really want to write about now is my first boxing lesson. The problem is, the more I write the less I feel like anyone is reading. I fear I’m becoming white noise. Background music. Something that always just sort of buzzes around, but you feel like you can’t keep up with it, so you stop even trying. I don’t want that. I want to write pieces that are fresh and real. I want them to be full of humor or raw emotion or pain or triumph. I think maybe I need to stop talking so much or I’ll lose not only my audience, but my own true voice.

September 10, 2013
by BulgingButtons Leave a comment

Daily Passion Prompt 6: What I Want to be When I Grow Up

TODAY’S QUESTION

How do your friends, family, or coworkers finish the following sentence when they’re talking about you?

“You should be a _______”

Oddly I’ve never been told that I would make a fantastic deep sea fisherman. Nobody has ever suggested a career in stucco removal or bee keeping. I have yet to meet anyone who sees in me a talent for tightrope walking or bear wrestling. I do, however, keep hearing that I should write.

I do write. You’re reading it. I hear often that I’m a fairly decent writer, and sometimes people actually enjoy reading what I have to say. It’s occasionally thought provoking or amusing or enlightening (ok, maybe that one’s a stretch). But I’m told that I should “really” write. I’m not exactly certain what that means.

Do they think I should chuck my career and hole up in a cabin in the woods to produce the great American novel? I don’t think I’m a novelist. Or should I be writing reams of educational theory? Maybe something more practical like teachers’ guides would be up my alley. Or perhaps I could author a craft book of some sort. Quilting, anyone? Or scrapbooking? Of course I could just expound upon my life and times with a rockin memoir.

In spite of all these great ideas, I suppose it might be wise to start with somewhat smaller aspirations. Maybe getting a magazine or journal article published would be a good place to begin.

I know many authors. Some of them are extremely prolific, others are more like one hit wonders. Some of them are academics, laboring under a publish or perish doctrine and others are dabblers in the arts who feel the need to chronicle their ” journey.” Why not me? I can do this. I can write.

I could create an alternate world inhabited by imaginary characters that you just have to know more about. Or I could document and publish a book about my current educational endeavors. Or maybe poetry would be the correct venue for my self-expression? I’m just not sure.

Right now, while I try to figure it all out, I’ll stick to blogging. My mental gymnastics and hops from one train of thought to another don’t seem to be an issue here, so this is the perfect venue for me to try to get in touch with my inner author while I write, write, write. Stay tuned, and keep reading. I may publish something “real” yet.