BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl

Mirror, Mirror, Go Away

5 Comments

My new home has a rather large master bathroom complete with a walk-in closet. It’s quite posh, really. It also features many mirrors. At least it seems that way. And these mirrors are hung at all sorts of angles from one another, creating something of a fun house effect. Or maybe house is horrors is closer to the truth. At least for me.

As I walk through the bathroom, I can’t help but view my entire body from angles that were previously unknown to me.

Picasso's Girl Before a Mirror

Picasso’s Girl Before a Mirror

Last night I caught sight of my full profile, and I stopped. I looked. I saw what everyone else sees all the time. You see, my body doesn’t carry weight the way most bodies do. I carry the majority of my extra weight in my belly, and it sticks way out. I am bigger front to back than side to side. When I look in the mirror I think I know what I look like, but I rarely catch a side view. Now I have one available all the time. Oh goody.

I stood there and gathered up as much of the belly fat as I could and took stock. There’s a lot. Then I let go and looked back in the mirror. I imagined what my body would look like if much of that belly were gone. Yes, there would still be plenty of jiggle to the thighs, and the back fat would still be in place. Yes, the beefy arms would still exist along with the double chin, but I would look pretty darn good. Not photoshop good, mind you, but fit and trim. That body could shop in a department that doesn’t have any sizes with the letter X in them. It would be nice, but it won’t happen by itself.

Those mirrors aren’t going away. They will remain in place to either encourage me or taunt me, as I see fit. It’s up to me to approach them with self love, not loathing. Too many of us hate our bodies, but our bodies deserve our care and tenderness, not our hateful thoughts. Regardless of the body I’m in, I will care for it and thank it for all the wonderful things it can do. And when I’m feeling really motivated, I’ll take it out for a spin, just to make sure all the parts are still working.

 

 

 

Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the teenage son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

5 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror, Go Away

  1. Great inspiration! I have a hard time avoiding the self-loathing part. On the day of my daughter’s wedding this past weekend, I stepped out of the hotel shower and was faced with that huge, huge hotel bathroom mirror. It wasn’t a happy moment!

  2. This is uncanny timing. Yesterday I had ti break down and buy something to wear for a gig. I went to my favorite old haunt Lord and Taylor, because it’s that time of year when it’s almost like a garage sale. I got 3 pieces marked down from $300 to $75. Add I was in the dressing room I saw my backside. I knew I’d put on 42 lbs over the winter, but I hadn’t really seen it. It occurred to me that because I’ve been to broke to shop for clothes, I stopped looking.
    I love this post! You are so right! Shame never gets anyone anywhere except deeper into the well. When I lost 50 lbs (mostly through exercise) a couple years ago, I embraced my body. That’s what allowed me to get moving. I saw my current state as being part of my past and made it such.

    Here’s to you, your new life and you’re new home! I’m as certain that it will ask come together for you, justc as I’m certain it will come together for me! Truly!!

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