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Not bad for a fat girl

Monthly Archives: December 2014


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Leave the Elf Mommies Alone

In recent years a most polarizing phenomenon has swept this nation. It seems fairly innocent at first, but I assure you it is not. When you spend a few minutes thinking about it, you may begin to ask yourself some interesting moral questions. Then, when you read what others think about it, you may find yourself swayed by one camp or the other.

This trend dividing our nation? Why, the Elf on a Shelf, of course.1506007_10152987829068854_3392069320071825295_n

This little guy (or gal) didn’t exist until fairly recently, but he (for the sake of simplicity I’m going with a male elf) has certainly hit the big time. I can honestly say I’m glad I was unaware of him when my son was little, because I would have had to take sides.

What’s at stake? Well, a fair amount. There are elf do-ers, elf wannabes, and elf avoiders. Some of those avoiders are vehemently anti-elf, for a variety of reasons.

For the uninitiated (where have you been?) here’s the story, as I understand it. One of Santa’s little elves goes to live with a family during the Christmas season and while he’s there he spies on the kids of the house to make sure they’re being good. He regularly flies up to the North Pole to report on those kids. He also routinely gets into trouble while he’s visiting, usually when everyone else is sleeping..

Said elf is a creepy looking little guy who is easily pose-able and gets moved around the house and often into various crazy situations.

Now aside from the unpleasant fact that harboring a spying elf seems a lot like being forced to house an opposing army, it can end up being a lot of fun. IF it’s something you want to do. IF it’s something your kids would enjoy. IF you feel like you have the time, energy, and creativity. And if you do, why not?

Honestly, I don’t think I would have been an elf mommy if they had been around when my son was little, but who knows? Maybe I would have been swept up in it. Maybe my son would have asked why none of Santa’s elves came to live with us. Maybe I would have been intrigued by the whole mischief element. Maybe.

All I know is that it’s a good thing that Pinterest didn’t exist back then either. I was having enough feelings of inadequacy just watching HGTV every now and again, I didn’t need to be bomarded by images of everyone else’s perfect worlds.

I think that’s where some of the elf hate comes in. Oh sure, it’s kind of creepy that grownups are setting up mischief scenarios involving their elves while their kids are asleep, but so what? I think the so what is that those who aren’t doing it don’t want to feel badly about not doing it.

Holidays are crazy times. We hold on to old traditions, evaluate new ones, and decide which ones we want to adopt. The elf is a fun tradition for many families, and a collosal pain in the neck for others. If that’s the case for you, don’t do it. Elves fly away. Maybe yours was needed elsewhere. Maybe your child can behave without a doll checking up on her.

Many parents are irritated that they are being made to feel like they don’t do enough for their children because they don’t stay up half the night staging an elf kitchen disaster.a0a3e37aed14b36baea31d8a0d0a376a They forget to move the elf and wait until the kid is in the bathroom. To those parents, I say, don’t sweat it. Pack it up, put it away, and let the children know they have reached a new milestone, the time in their lives when they are expected to make good choices because they’re the correct ones, not because Santa has spies.

Opting out is perfectly okay. You are not the Joneses (or maybe you are, but you just don’t want to do it). No worries. Your kid will bounce back.

But what about the flip side? What about the parents (typically mommies from what I can tell) that obsess over the antics of these little elves? Is there really anything so awful about that? They’re expressing their creativity in a way that’s meant to delight their child (is it bad to guess that they only have one?). I like to think they are creative and quirky and fun. I’m not talking about the parents who try to scare their kids with threats of “No Christmas” or other such nonsense, I’m talking about the ones who are taking this whole little elf theme and having fun with it, dreaming up clever new scenarios for the elves to charm their kids. Are these bad people? I submit that they are not.

The mommies who are having fun with the elf thing are NOT doing it to irritate you. They are not secretly thinking that if only you did the elf thing, you would be a better parent and your child would have more success in the future. Well, maybe they’re thinking some of that, but who cares? You shouldn’t. It doesn’t affect you. It isn’t about you. It’s about them having fun and sharing the fun with others. If you feel bad about it that’s your issue, not theirs.

In short:

1. The elf is kind of creepy

2. Having him in your home is sort of like harboring the enemy during wartime

3. If you don’t want to do it, don’t

4. If you’re already doing it but don’t like it, stop

5. If other people are enjoying it, leave them alone

That’s it. Regardless of whether Santa’s elves are watching you or not, be nice. Today, tomorrow, always.


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Feeling Pretty Popular

 

facebook-add-as-friend1I was never the popular girl in school. I wasn’t unpopular either, at least I don’t think so. I always had friends and I didn’t worry about being part of an “in” crowd. In fact the only “in” crowd I was really aware of were a couple of girls a few years younger than me who decided that they enjoyed being bottle blondes. Whatever.

I had fun in school. I liked high school, in spite of a few difficult times. Overall, it was a blast, and I made great friends who I still keep in touch with.

That’s saying a lot, for me. I’m not great at keeping in touch. Weird for someone who enjoys writing, but true. I’m not big on making phone calls, and writing letters has pretty much gone the way of the dinosaur for me, which is too bad. I used to write lots of them, and receive them too. That’s ancient history now. Now it’s all about social media.

Through the modern miracle of Facebook I still keep in touch with friends from as far back as kindergarten and yes, even nursery school. I don’t have oodles of Facebook friends, but I like the ones I have. I don’t add new ones often, since at heart I’m pretty much an introvert, so I don’t collect friends as easily as someone more extraverted might. That’s why I was so surprised last weekend to receive not one, not two, not three, but four friend requests. My mind was blown.

Let me explain. None of those four individuals know each other. One lives in New Jersey, one in Texas, and two in Arizona. I know them from completely different parts of my life, and I had only seen one of them within the past week, but I don’t think we said more than “hello” on that occasion, simply due to circumstances.

Why any of these people thought to themselves that they should hear more from me is beyond my imagination, but I’m glad they did. These are people I like, and would like to be in closer contact with. Now that we’re “friends” that will be easier. I’ve already gotten caught up with one of them through pictures and “chatted” with another via messages. What a treat.

Whatever the reason, I’m glad I was on their minds over the last few days. It’s been a treat to reconnect, and an unexpected surprise. When someone reaches out to you, it makes you feel as though you count, and everyone wants to count. Thanks to my four “new” friends more making me count.

 

 


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Repost: Use Your Words

This is a repost from last year. I think the message bears repeating.

 

“Sticks and Stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Surely you’ve heard this phrase before, maybe it was one you used yourself as a child when some horrible bully called you names like fatty, Godzilla, or, my personal bane, Pillsbury Dough Girl. Fine, you thought, call me names, but Karma’s a bitch and she’ll get you. Ok, you probably weren’t thinking that at all, since you probably had no clue what Karma was. Also, if you’re anything like me, you probably didn’t have a very thick skin when you were a kid. the-pillsbury-doughboy-new2My whole life my brother has told me I’m too sensitive. This is the brother who has zero recollection of ever calling me “fatty” but it’s ok, we’re good now.

The thing is, words do hurt. To this day a careless word from someone close to me can be cutting. I try to let it slide, I try to look at the big picture and know that these people who sometimes hurt me with their words don’t mean to, but even now that’s difficult for me. Do I have low self esteem? Is the pope Catholic? Of course I do. I’m a fat girl. That doesn’t make me a pitiful creature unable to function, but I do get my feeling hurt a little too easily.

Here’s my rallying cry. Let’s try to use our words for good and not evil. Let’s try to build one another up rather than tear each other down. The internet is a big wide world, let’s choose our messages carefully because they don’t go away. Lofty goal, I know. I put as much crap out into cyberspace as the next person, but I hope to at least offer some messages of encouragement and hope to others. I challenge you to be mindful of the words you choose, as a careless comment can have a lasting negative impact. We teach kids, “use your words,” but maybe we need to add in the word, “kindly.”