Not bad for a fat girl

Sucked in to My Own Little World


I hardly know how to begin.tumblr_mbjyno3zyM1r5h04to1_500_large

I’ve written the first sentence and deleted it at least four times.

I’m ashamed. Embarrassed. Filled with doubts and fears.

Doubts that any of my dear readers are still around after I’ve more or less abandoned you. Afraid that I’ve damaged my own reputation by disappearing.

The flip side of that, of course, is the realization that there probably aren’t too many people (if any) who have actually noticed that the blog has gone quiet.

Oh sure, my personal Facebook friends are probably relieved that they haven’t had to scroll past my announcements over the past several days, but in terms of actually missing my ramblings, I don’t think there’s anyone out there who has been wondering what I’ve been up to. Still, I’m going to enlighten you.where have you been

Not much.

Naturally that’s not entirely true, but not much that’s particularly earth shattering.

I’ve been drawing into myself, and I don’t necessarily think that’s entirely a bad thing. I’ve been taking care of myself, eating well, and keeping up with my visits to the nutritionist. In fact I’m down almost twenty pounds over the last six weeks.

I’ve also been crazy busy at work, well until last Friday when my fall break began. There were report cards to prepare and parent-teacher conferences to hold and post-break lessons to plan, so it was a rough week. Still, it ended several days ago, so I suppose I could have gotten off Pinterest, closed the book I’m reading (Wild, by Cheryl Strayed), and started writing. Obviously I didn’t.

What I’ve done instead is immerse myself in the world of a high school student who is preparing to apply to college. It seems that our home life has become dominated by talk of SAT’s and college fairs, common apps and scholarship opportunities. Essays are being composed and websites are being scoured. We’re having lots of conversations about making choices and setting priorities. Today my son decided on the five universities he would like to apply to. I think he’s made good choices based on his interests, talents, disposition, and career goals. I’m proud of him. Any one of those five institutions will help him to achieve his goals, and I think he would be a good candidate for all of them.

Frankly, I’ve been having a little trouble with this phase of his life. His high school experience is completely different from mine. He doesn’t go to parties, he doesn’t drive, and I always know where he is. I’m grateful that he’s a much better behaved kid than I ever was, but I think it will make the inevitable separation that much more difficult. Frankly my parents were probably relieved when it was time for me to go away to college. I dread it with my son, but I know he’ll be ready. At least I hope he will. Still, it’s not going to be easy.

Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the grown up son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

6 thoughts on “Sucked in to My Own Little World

  1. Sometimes drawing into ourselves can be beneficial. If you need a break from the world (or as much of one as you can get) it’s definitely a good idea! Good for your son! Sounds a bit like me and my high school experience lol.

    • I know, we really all have to take care of ourselves in order to be any good to anyone else, but sometimes there’s guilt involved with those decisions! Thanks for chiming in. 🙂

  2. welcome back and everyone in their own time ) beth

  3. I for one, missed you 🙂 Glad you were focusing on yourself for a bit and huge congrats on the weight loss! Give yourself a pat on the back from me. You are now in the thick of the college process. I found it so daunting, having twins going through it at the same time, but when it’s done, the feelings completely change. I thought I would be ready to send my boys off and it was quite difficult. One, more than the other for the reasons you list. He was more of home body. You will miss him, he will miss you, but you will get through it. Make sure to have great friends that you can cry to when needed. One more than, I despise when people tell me “You prepared them for this, or some stupid bird analogy, but maybe it will help you to feel better… Welcome Back!!

  4. Jean, you always say exactly the right thing. I can’t imagine sending two at once, especially since they are following sister’s footsteps. Going from three at home to none must ache. Thank you for the encouragement, xoxo to you!

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