Not bad for a fat girl

And Now This…


Well hello. Long time, no see.

My apologies.

I could give you a list of excuses, but let’s just not do that, ok?

Frankly, I haven’t had the writing mojo lately. I haven’t had much mojo at all lately, if I’m really honest. My house is a mess, my body is worse, and my get up and go got up and went. And then I went to the doctor.

You see, I’ve had a difficult year. Nothing bad has happened. Not. One. Thing.

My son is fine, my sweetheart is fine, even the dog is fine. Thank goodness.

My work was rewarding, my class was one of the finest I’ve ever taught, and I enjoyed the way our team organized our teaching this year. Even our new administrator surpassed my expectations, so all the work boxes were checked.

So, what then?

What’s been holding me back? Zapping my energy and motivation?

I’m not sure, but I think that having my son go off to college was a little harder for me than I anticipated. Silly, really. He was in the next suburb. The one where I work. I saw him about once a week. And there were nice things about having an adult only home, like no dirty socks in the family room, and no dirty dishes all over the house. But in truth, I didn’t adjust very well.

If I’m totally honest, I think I was a little depressed, and since old habits are hard to break, I went back to my favorite method of self-medicating, food. So. Much. Food. And not the good kind, either, At least not usually.

And then, somehow, I managed to miss my bloodwork. And I missed it again. And again. Until the doctor’s office refused to authorize my medication and I had to go in. I did. And it wasn’t good.

My healthcare provider (who happens to be a PA, and a damn good one) called our appointment my “Come to Jesus” meeting, and he laid it on the line for me. Damn. So now, again, I have to start over. Have to. No choice. No excuses. Sad or lonely or whatever, too bad. I have to get this done.

I don’t want to weigh what I weigh.

I don’t want to become an insulin dependent diabetic.

I don’t want to have to buy two airline seats.

I don’t want to have low back pain from just walking around.

I don’t want to have to pay a premium for clothes that fit and look nice.

I don’t want to take so many pills a day.

I don’t want to huff and puff when I exert myself.

I don’t want to hold back my sweetheart or my son.

I don’t want to be embarrassed to be in family pictures.

I don’t want my mother to worry about me.

I don’t want to shorten my life.

I don’t want to be stared at.

I don’t want to feel less than.

I don’t want to feel incapable.

So yes, I HAVE to. So I will. Again.

It’s time. Time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get going. I have some positive steps already in place and more planned. Writing more is one of them. Accountability, baby. So if you’ll indulge me (and so many of you have, over and over), here we go again.

I know I’m not alone. I know we all have challenges we face, and things that we ought to do, but find difficult. I hope you’ll join me in trying to refocus on what’s important, so we can all improve our quality of life, for ourselves, and for our loved ones.


Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the grown up son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

12 thoughts on “And Now This…

  1. You know you can do it! I’m in the process of losing some weight as well. It’s a constant struggle and so easy to blame my schedule…..but, really, it’s just me not doing what I need to do. Time to buckle down, lose the weight and get the new skort that I want as a reward.

  2. I’ll be waiting for your next post. Cheering you on and sending you love.

  3. I so relate! i’m starting over too. I’ll be checking in…want to read more!

    • It’s the all or nothing thinking that can really trip us up. Glad to have you along for the ride, Kelly. For now you need to be kind to yourself and get some well earned rest.

  4. I send power and hugs that you will reach your goal… I’m sure you can, I never thought it is possible for me , nothing worked, every new trick/idea/plan was welcomed as the “real mc coy” but discarded after some days, but suddenly it happened…

  5. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ <3! Me too! I just lost 25 pounds on Weight Watchers, had to stop, and now it's coming back.

  6. I am so sorry you’ve had such a set back. The new thinking now is to eat a low carbohydrate high hat diet. It’s a lifestyle change and so easy to follow. I have maintained my weight after losing 12kg for two years. I very rarely eat carbs and don’t miss them at all. Take a look at this website http://paleopower.co.za/banting-meal-plan/ OR http://www.goodhousekeeping.co.za/health/banting-for-beginners/
    It really is worth considering. I know dozens of people who struggled with every diet under the sun, lost weight and gained it back – but with this eating plan they have had delicious food to eat, no hunger and have not been tempted to go off it. It helps diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease etc. Many South Africans are following the Banting Life Style whether they need to lose weight or not. All report improved health. Try it.

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