Well, here I am once again. I was challenged by a friend, who is a far more prolific writer than I am, to at least write a blog post. Well, E. here it is, in all its awkward glory. Why awkward? Because I feel like a stranger here, in my very own blog. Things look different. Things work in different ways. Even the login process was different. Not bad. Easy, in fact. But still, different.

From the very beginning, in June of 2013, this blog has been all about me, me, me. Me as a parent, as an educator, as a friend, as a partner, and as a daughter and sister. More than all of those versions of me, though, this blog has been a record of the ups and downs of my never-ending quest for the healthiest version of me. My weight has fluctuated, as has my motivation. Currently my weight is on a downward trajectory, with the help of medication, an app, and a food delivery service. Oh, and orders from my doctor. Can’t forget those. Is it pricey? You bet, but like the L’Oreal commercials say, “I’m worth it.”

I’m at a weight that I reached about 2 years ago, wearing the smallest clothes in my closet, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it did 2 years ago. That time around I felt like I was powerful, strong, in charge. I was a warrior going to battle. Then I ran out of steam. Time passed, things changed, and some of the fifty plus pounds I shed made their way back onto my frame. Those pounds are gone again, but so is my warrior persona. Now I’m mostly just resigned. I suppose I look better, and there are definitely some things that are easier to do (like flying, my favorite), and really my labs have never been better (at least not in the last couple of decades). Still, I’m just not feeling it this time around.

I might have a little bit of imposter syndrome. I’m using medication, which makes the weight loss so much easier. Is that cheating? Do I get to feel the same kind of triumph? If we were talking about anyone else, I would say, “Of course!” but I don’t generally give myself the same kind of grace that I give to others. Maybe it’s a little bit of the perfectionist in me. I know I have a long way to go to get this body to its peak of health, and frankly it seems unrealistic to think that I will ever reach an “ideal” weight, but I’m still out here trying. So there you have it, and now you’re thinking, no wonder she hasn’t written anything in over a year. Of course blogging is like so many other things, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Hopefully I can remember that when it comes to the healthy habits I’m trying to cultivate.