Family | BulgingButtons

August 2, 2014
by BulgingButtons 15 Comments

Ten Essential Back to School Supplies That Money Can’t Buy

What supplies does my child need for school? I heard this question over and over the other evening during Meet the Teacher night at my school. It’s a legitimate question. School is starting next week, and needless to say, parents want their kids to be prepared. They are ready to head off to the mega-discount store or the office supply store or the drug store to do some serious damage.

They are bracing themselves for the cost of all those new notebooks and colored pencils and glue sticks and dry erase markers. They know what’s coming and they want to get it over with. I hear them. I’m a parent too.

That’s why I don’t have a long list to hand them. That’s why I don’t require size “x” notebooks and brand “y” crayons. In fact I don’t require those items at all. For most of my career I taught in a high poverty school where we were forbidden from asking parents to supply anything for their children. Anything. I learned how to take what little budget I had and make it stretch. Yes, I spent my own money. Yes, I gathered freebies. Yes, I shopped the back to school sales like a fiend. But my students had everything they needed and their parents never had to give it a second thought.

I’m in a different situation now, and most of my families are ready, willing, and able to outfit their kids with brand new items each time a new school year rolls around. I’m happy that those kids are being raised in homes where back to school items are considered a necessity rather than a luxury. The thing is, most of it isn’t actually necessary.

From my years of collecting, I still have a fairly decent stash of scissors, pencils, correcting pens, paper, and rulers. Last year I received tons of cleaning wipes, so we’re good with those. Our PTA reimburses us for some of our supplies, so I was able to get some nice new name plates and some bulletin board items, as well as notebooks and folders. The PTA also gifts us with various items throughout the year, which is wonderful. So far they have passed out white board markers and new electric pencil sharpeners. I also have a good supply of colored pencils, markers, and crayons, but most of the kids bring their own anyway. They also bring a pencil pouch of some sort, which is great for organization, but not necessary. I’ll give them a ziploc bag if they don’t have a pouch. The only thing they really need is a backpack for taking their items to and from school.

Most parents are relieved to hear that they don’t have to go on a shopping trip. Many go anyway and donate the items to the classroom for general use. There are always generous folks who bring in tissues and hand sanitizer and wipes and give freely of their time and talents. We are blessed with abundance. I want the children to understand this. I want them to know that while we have much, we don’t truly need most of it in order to learn.

These are the real back to school supplies that I would love each child to bring each day.

1. A strong sense of self. I see too many children who lack confidence, and others who are overly sure of themselves without really understanding who they are or what their true talents are.

2. A well fed body. We feed kids at school, both breakfast and lunch. If you are unable to provide good food for your child please take advantage of our food services program. Also, please make sure that your elementary schooler isn’t bringing sugary drinks and chips to school for her breakfast or Hot Cheetos and Oreos for his lunch.

3. A rested and exercised body. Too often kids are tired in school because they don’t go to bed. Please create and enforce a reasonable bedtime. If your child isn’t sleeping well think about unplugging him, checking what she’s eating and drinking, and making sure that you are all getting some exercise. Children in particular need to MOVE!

4. Knowledge that someone at home cares. Kids need to know that you not only care about them, but about what they’re doing and how they’re progressing. They need to know that you’ll be proud of them when they do well and you’ll be concerned about them when they struggle. They also need to know that you’ll be disappointed in them when they make poor choices.

5. Time to do what they need to do. Kids are frequently scheduled very tightly. They have scouts, music lessons, sports, religious instruction, and more. Often they are not only participating in their own activities, but sitting through siblings’ activities too. They rush around all over town and get home late. They don’t have time to study their science or complete their math homework or write their paragraph. They end up stressed out and behind. Too much is too much. I don’t give a lot of homework, but what I do give I expect to be done well. Please allow your child the ability to do that.

6. A sense of humor. Kids are funny. Life is funny. The ability to find humor in everyday life can be cultivated. Lighten up a little and let your kid do the same. Childhood is short. Yes, education is important, but so is having fun. Let’s have a good time with this learning thing, I guarantee you it will be more effective that way.

7. The ability to stick to a task. Human nature makes us want to avoid that which is difficult, hence, I am still extremely overweight. Success comes when we overcome that desire and stick to a task that we may not particularly enjoy. We have a generation of children who are being raised in a digital world, and they spend a lot of time looking at screens that give them instant feedback and constantly changing images and sounds. Many of these same kids have difficulty reading for ten minutes or writing for five minutes. If a math problem is difficult they often declare defeat within one minute. Literally. Often children get stuck, they get bored, and they get restless. They want to quit and do something else. The problem is that all of life isn’t about being entertained, and in order to be productive citizens, they will need to learn to stick to tasks and see them through. This takes practice. Lots of it.

8. A sense of empathy. Children who are able to put themselves in another’s shoes are much nicer people to be around, so in the long run this wonderful trait is not only beneficial to others, but to the child him or herself. These children are sought out, because they make others feel good, and they do it in a way that isn’t manipulative or goal oriented.

9. An understanding that everyone has something to offer. When we are able to see each person’s contribution and to understand our own strengths, we come together as a strong and productive group.

10. A love of life. Some people are dealt a difficult hand. Homes break. Parents die. People hurt you. Kids get sick. Many bad things can happen, and sadly many of my students already know this first hand. Those who have a love of life bounce back far more quickly. Instill that love of life into your child. Find and share beauty with him. Let her know how much she is loved. Spend time together. Talk to him or her. Share quiet moments and well as silly ones. Celebrate each day. What a gift that would be for your child.

So yes, parents, pack up the backpacks with the newly sharpened number two pencils and the three ring binders with the latest pop stars on them, but don’t just fill the backpacks, fill your children’s hearts and spirits too. Let them know how mighty they are and how proud you are to be their parent. Let them know how you expect them to be their best and do their best, but also let them know it’s okay if they mess up because you’ll love them anyway. Let them know that school isn’t always easy and it isn’t always fun, but it is a gift and they will come to appreciate it as they grow up. Most of all, let them know that you love them, always let them know that you love them.

July 18, 2014
by BulgingButtons 8 Comments

Curse This Blessing

Tomorrow my niece will have her Bat Mitzvah. She will get up in front of the congregation and friends and family from near and far and she will read from the Torah. It is a Jewish rite of passage and she is well prepared for it. She will do great.

I, on the other hand, will bomb.

I never had a Bat Mitzvah. I was raised in the same synagogue where she will have her ceremony, and while it is a beautiful house of worship, it’s also quite large. As a kid her age I was quite shy. I begged my parents not to make me do it, and they agreed. I still don’t entirely understand that decision, but I’m happy with it. As a result, I never had to go up there and recite Hebrew in front of all those people. I dodged a bullet. Or so I thought.

A few nights ago my brother mentioned that he would like me and my mother to recite two prayers during the service. One is recited before reading the Torah, and the other is recited after. I’ve heard both of these prayers many many times during my life, but could I tell you the exact words? Did I mention that they’re in Hebrew? Gulp.

My brother told me not to worry, they have a laminated card right up there on the pulpit so you can’t mess up. The words are written in english syllables. Sort of. And the tune… well, let’s just say it’s a kind of sing-song chant thing. I should know it. But I don’t.

My internet access has been somewhat limited, so it wasn’t until tonight that I was able to hunt around on youtube to find these prayers. Finally, a Jan Lieberman, a cantor from Florida, had what I needed. I know most of it, but there’s still one line that’s tricky. The sounds she makes and the english letters on the laminated card don’t seem to match up in my brain, so I’m still a little stuck on that part. Add to that the fact that my mother is completely tone deaf, and I don’t have a great voice to begin with, and I think we’re in trouble.

The good news is that I’ve got the first prayer down. The further good news is that the second prayer is only about 15 seconds long on the youtube video. It will be fine, I have all night to listen to it. Besides, nobody will be paying attention to me anyway, it’s my niece’s day, and she will be perfect.

July 10, 2014
by BulgingButtons 4 Comments

Daily Prompt: Can’t Stand Me, or There’s More Than Meets the Eye

What do you find more unbearable: watching a video of yourself, or listening to a recording of your voice? Why?

When I was a young student teacher part of my training required me to videotape and critique one of my lessons. Apart from the complex logistics of borrowing the appropriate equipment (no cell phones in those days), I regard this exercise as one of the most irritating, yet ultimately helpful experiences in my training. Still, I hated it.

You see, I was fat. I’ve been fat to greater or lesser degrees since roughly puberty. In seventh grade home economics class the teacher measured each of us so that we would use the correct size pattern for garment construction. It was all very sensible, and not done to make anyone feel embarrassed or awkward, but c’mon, we were in seventh grade!

My waist measurement was a full three inches greater than most of the other girls. Well, two and a half, but it felt like three. It was, gasp, twenty-nine and a half inches. Most of the girls were in the twenty-five to twenty-seven inch range. In retrospect most of them hadn’t hit puberty yet, either, but my twelve-year-old brain didn’t take that into consideration. It also didn’t take the fact that I was taller than most of them into account either. I just felt big and fat. I wish the me today could have talked to the twelve-year-old me.

The me now might not have as many weight issues if that were the case. I could comfort that little girl and explain to her that everyone develops at their own pace, and try to convince her that she was just fine. Maybe I could ease her worries just a bit. Then I would encourage her to keep riding her bike and swimming and playing basketball and volleyball and soccer, even if she wasn’t the best. Maybe she would have developed the confidence to stay active instead of shrinking toward the sidelines.

Unfortunately, my mother was of no help at all. I’m adopted and by the time I was twelve I was way bigger than my mom ever would be. I towered over her, and outweighed her by a considerable margin. She’s barely over 5 feet tall and was under 100 pounds when she married. She didn’t have a clue what it was like to feel big and awkward. In fact she didn’t have much of a clue about puberty at all. I had to ask for a training bra at age 10. Talk about humiliating. I tried hinting, but it didn’t work. Unlike other little girls of 10, I really needed one.

Going through junior high and high school I was always on the bigger side, but not so big that I couldn’t shop in the regular stores. That would come later. I always loved to eat, and as I got older much of my social life involved going out for food. I grew up in the cold Northeast, and that’s what people do for 9 months of the year or so. Then the weather gets better and we have picnics and barbeques all summer. Oh, and we drink. Hey, it’s cold outside!

Sure enough the freshman 15 found me, along with a little extra. Then I graduated, got a job, moved in with my boyfriend, and really got comfortable. Stretchy pants became my friends, and the extra pounds didn’t seem to matter so much. Big sweaters were in style and life was good.

Then came graduate school and student teaching. I needed clothes. Real clothes. Suits. Nothing fit. I had to move up to the plus size department. It was humiliating, especially since my tiny mother was the one taking me shopping for my professional wardrobe. She’s never been easy to shop with. It was awful, but I did come away with some really lovely pieces. Thank you Liz Claiborne and Jones of New York for making beautiful clothing for plus size women, even way back then when everyone else was putting all the fat women in pastel polyester.

Off I went to my student teaching gig, doing quite a good job of it, thank you very much. Then came the videotape assignment. Ugh. I did NOT want to do it. Of course I had seen myself in the mirror, millions of times. But pictures somehow were different, they made me look bigger than I thought I was. They still do. And video? Well that’s a hundred times worse. Now not only will I see all sides of me, but I’ll have to listen to the silly things I say, and watch the awkward way I move. No thanks. I wasn’t looking at it from the standpoint of how it could help me assess my teaching practice at all. I was too wrapped up in my own self concept of my physical attributes to move into the realm of what the assignment could do for me. I was fixated on what it would do TO me. Stupid girl.

Still, it was required, so I sucked it up and did it. I soon forgot the camera and just taught the lesson. Afterwards I avoided watching the video for a couple of days, but I had to watch it to critique it, and the assignment was coming due. I couldn’t put it off forever. I put the tape in, prepared for the worst. The first minute I spent cringing as I went through a mental checklist. Hair? Not bad. I like those earrings. My voice is loud enough, but not too loud. That jacket really does look nice with that skirt, but ugh, I walk like a linebacker.

Soon I ran out of things to fixate on, so I began to actually pay attention to the teaching. Hey, that was a good point I made. Uh oh, I rushed through that part of the directions, no wonder the students got confused when they got to that part of the assignment. Oh no, I never saw her raised hand as I was teaching. Hey, those two have been passing notes! I didn’t see that during the lesson. Great job having all the materials in place before hand, distributing everything went very quickly and smoothly. And so on. Once I stopped worrying about the silly stuff like my hair and my weight, I could focus on the important stuff, like how to best reach my students and where to hone my skills. It was an eye opening experience, one that my professor included for a very good reason.

I still don’t love seeing myself on video, but I no longer cringe at the thought. I am valuable. I have a place in this world. Ok, maybe I take up a little more space than most people, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be in the picture. I contribute to my family, to my workplace, and to my students lives. I have a voice and I use it. If it occasionally ends up in video, so be it. Maybe I will reach someone who needs to hear my message, or even just see me being happy with who I am. After all, isn’t that our ultimate goal? To live in a way that makes us happy and satisfied with who we are and what we have to offer the world? I think it is.