BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Can You Go Back?

I attended my high school reunion over the weekend. We do this ritual every ten years or so, and I haven’t missed one yet. I was sorry that some of my classmates couldn’t attend due to distance and schedules and the general nuts and bolts of life, but that’s to be expected. It doesn’t diminish the event for me if every friend I’ve ever had can’t be there. In fact, there were more than enough people there for me to try to figure out who’s who.hs1

I have to tell you, overall my classmates look pretty darn good to me. As a group they have aged well. Sure, there are a few exceptions but overall they don’t look a whole lot different than they did way back when, except that now they look like adults. Well, most of them. I swear there are two or three who got stuck in some soft of funky time warp thing.

I’ve been thinking about the weekend and all the people I saw, and what struck me was how much positive energy I felt with that group. It makes sense, doesn’t it? The people who are feeling pretty good about life, and don’t mind spending the time and energy it takes to get to the reunion (even if they live around the corner) are the ones who show up. The ones who are struggling stay at home. Those who hated high school or who hate people in general can’t be bothered to come to this event. That’s okay. I’m not saying high school is the be all, end all. Quite the opposite. In fact, I was struck by how little of the conversation had anything to do with high school at all. Time and again I caught up with people and learned what their lives are like now. There have been triumphs and tragedies, but nobody seemed to dwell in the past.

I was glad to see that. I think of the old Bruce Springsteen song, “Glory Days” and feel relieved that I’m part of a group that isn’t living that depressing reality. Our best days are not behind us. Our best days are everyday. Can you go back? Certainly, as long as you continue to simultaneously go forward.


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Alone, At Last

Being alone is a strange thing. We are welcomed into the world with at least our mother near us, and for those of us born in hospitals, many other people as well. We spend much of our early years in the company of others, aside from our sleeping hours, and for many infants and young children, those hours are spent with others too.

When my son was about four he pointed out to me that it wasn’t fair that he had to sleep alone when his dad and I got to sleep together. I wasn’t a family bed proponent, and I still contend that none of use would have ever gotten a decent night’s sleep had he been with us, but he made a point. Why do the most vulnerable among us sleep alone? glacier-national-park---robert-glusic----photodisc-na008587We humans are generally pretty social beings, even the anti-social among us. Complete solitude gets old quickly, even in the most beautiful of surroundings.

My sweetheart used to work for the park service. He had many lonely nights and solitary days in some of the most beautiful country on the planet, but alone is alone. When there’s nobody to share the experience with, it somehow loses some of its meaning. Certainly I would prefer isolation in the beauty of nature, provided I was safe, than in a solitary holding cell, but even solitude in comfortable surroundings would become a burden after a short while.

I’m not talking about that kind of alone. I don’t mean the alone that seeps into your bones and leaves you cold and hungry; the kind of alone that stretches in front of you without an end in sight. I’ve never known that kind of alone. I hope I never do. That kind of alone frightens me. I’m not afraid to be with myself, in fact I think I’m pretty good company, it’s just that I’m afraid to never have anyone to share experiences with. I’m afraid I would stagnate and begin to rot from the inside out.

The kind of alone I’m talking about is a break. A short separation from those I love dearly. After three days cooped up in close quarters with limited diversions, I’m glad that today we’re back to a somewhat normal schedule. After dropping my son off at his volunteer work, I ran a few errands and returned home to an entirely peaceful house. As I released the dog from her kennel I looked around and felt a sense of peace settle over me. She and I have a few hours before anyone returns home, and we’re going to make it count. DSC00002She has already begun her work on a new nap, and I’ve taken to the keyboard. We are both using our talents in ways that we find satisfying. We are sharing the afternoon in companionable silence, aside from the occasional passing comment. We are alone, together.

I don’t feel the need to do the laundry or vacuum or make the beds. I’m okay with letting things slide a little bit today. Today I need to recharge my battery. Tomorrow it’s a trip to the dentist, then a long overdue lunch date with a friend. After that the laundry can have its turn, but not today. Today it can sit in the hamper and just be still. I have peace and quiet to catch up on, and I’m going to make it count.


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Friday Freakout and Happy Blogday to BulgingButtons

first_birthday_cake_recipeMovers are scheduled to arrive in 25 hours. As I look around I wonder how we’ll make it happen, but I know that we will. The good news is that I don’t HAVE to be completely out of here until Monday, so after they take the big stuff I can still finish up any odds and ends on Sunday. Still, I WANT to be done on Saturday. Um, I mean tomorrow. Right now it just seems a little unlikely, but if I keep breathing maybe it will all come together.

Oh, and BulgingButtons is officially ONE YEAR OLD! Happy Birthday Blog! I’ve decided that a Blogday is something to celebrate, even if only by eating a Weight Watchers raspberry ice cream bar for breakfast (only 2 points). tumblr_l2d66aIow71qa27rco1_1280See, in my mind celebrations still equals food. Old habits and mindsets are hard to break. Maybe we should celebrate with a splash in the pool or a bike ride around the neighborhood? That would be more in keeping with the original BulgingButtons mission, I think.

As of this morning BulgingButtons has 999 followers. Perhaps the 1,000th follow will be our blogday present? That would be wonderful. Even better than a raspberry ice cream bar. Really.

Have a fabulous Friday and party like a rock star in honor of one year of BulgingButtons. If you have any whiz bang moving tips to make my life calmer, easier, or less crazy feel free to share. I always learn so much from you. Of course if you have any moving horror stories, feel free to share those too (I’m afraid they’re all too common). We will all read them and nod slowly or stifle a giggle, or gasp appropriately, and we will commiserate with you. Then we will secretly thank the powers that be that it happened to you and not us. No offense, of course. So bring on those moving stories,  I will try not to let them scare me too badly.