BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Runaway Roxy

I had the great pleasure of meeting an adorable older gal named Roxy recently. Roxy is a lovely steel grey miniature poodle with a sprinkling of white fur around her mouth, giving her a distinguished look.

The divine Miss Roxy came from our next door neighbors’ yard while we were all out festooning our properties with Christmas lights. I knew she wasn’t their dog, but they had company so I though she belonged to one of their guests. Well, Roxy kept on moving through our yard sniffing this and that and generally ignoring everyone.

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A Roxy look-alike

By the time we determined that she didn’t belong to any of us, she was on her way to the next yard. She wasn’t rushing, exactly, but she wasn’t holding still either. We grabbed some of Lila’s treats and tried to coax her, but she was having none of that.

I didn’t want to run up to her, because I was afraid she would bolt, and then she might end up in the street and who knows what could become of her. She had a collar and tag, so we knew she was someone’s pet. At last I caught up to her and was able to scoop her up.

Lucky for me, she was friendly, but I was taking a chance. I was a little leery about getting to her tag, a dog bite is nothing to trifle with, but she allowed me to check it out so I called the number on her tag. No answer. I called the second number, also no answer.

We put her on the leash, where she walked like she owned the block. I figured the best thing to do was start walking back in the direction from where she came. Maybe she would lead me to her home. It was only at that point that I wondered what I would do with her if we didn’t find her home. Gulp.

It turned out that I didn’t need to worry. As soon as we got to the next block, the folks working on the lights on the corner house greeted her with enthusiasm. Between all the in and out while working on the house, they had lost track of little Roxy, and Roxy decided to take herself on an adventure.

I’m glad Roxy’s story had a happy ending. It all goes to prove that my sweetheart is right, given the chance, most dogs will head for the hills, even if they don’t know where the hills are.


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Bra Update

So a word to the wise, when you buy a bra spend a little time getting to know it. Walk around in it. Pick things up in it. Sit down in it. See how you like it.

Maybe, just maybe, it feels pretty good for the first thirty or so minutes, but after that, not so good. Maybe, just maybe, you should keep the tags ON your new purchase and plan to spend a weekend morning in said device before fully committing.

I’m just saying, three minutes in the fitting room is probably not enough time to make a decision that can affect your well being as much as wearing a bra that hurts. There, I said it, it hurts!

Why? Because I sat down. Yes, my crime was sitting. I’m fat, dammit, and when fat people sit stuff gets all squished around and in my case that means that the underwire got forced into my ribs. Ow, ow, ow.

So yes, the bra makes the boobs look pretty darn good for 50, but it’s going to hang out in my closet most of the time. Special occasions, though, look out. Who needs all those ribs, anyway?


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So THAT’s How My Bra Should Fit

I’m a believer in comfort. It’s difficult enough moving through life in this oversized body, putting uncomfortable clothing on it would be asking too much.

As a result of my commitment to comfort I swore off underwire bras many years ago. Why? Well, they hurt. Who needs that in her life? Not this gal. As a result I found a line of bras at Lane Bryant that has no underwire and actually comes in my size. Hooray! I bought them. Lots of them. Tan, pale pink, hot pink with polka dots, grey, black, and cobalt blue. Multiples of some of them, even. I was happy.

Then, I decided I needed some new underwear. It happens. The elastic stretches out, the seams fray, they’ve run their course. Off to Lane Bryant I went, because no matter what other underwear I try, the hipsters from Lane Bryant are my go-to undies. Oh, and they have to be cotton, please and thank you.

Well, as I was collecting various pairs of undies, the bras caught my eye. It had been a while since I bought one, and it was probably about time. The clerk noticed me checking them out and asked me my size. I hemmed and hawed a bit, because I really couldn’t remember. That’s when she asked me about doing a fitting. Uh, okay.

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You will not be surprised to know that these are not images of me.

She did her magic (not really, just a couple of quick measurements) and suggested a size and a couple of styles. Off I went to try them on, and immediately I was amazed that everything seemed to sit at a new, higher elevation. Still, it didn’t feel quite right, so I took the opportunity to ask the clerk (a different one) who was helping the lady next to me with her bra, for some additional help.

She determined that the size was right, but the style was wrong. She brought me something else, and voilà! I was amazed. I looked good! And it even had underwires. So apparently they only hurt if your bra doesn’t fit correctly. Who knew?

I’m now the proud owner of new underwear and bras, what an exciting time in my life! Thank you Lane Bryant for making things that fit me, and thank you to the ladies in the store for helping me find the right fit.