BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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The Guaranteed Cure for Hiccups

Many years ago I learned the cure for hiccups. I feel that it’s my civic responsibility to share it with you, dear readers, in an attempt to improve the quality of your lives.

Before I do, though, I want to stress to you the importance of performing this cure correctly. untitled2-copy1_2You see, if you mess it up you’ll end up with a spill on the floor, and the possibility of water up your nose. You’re bound to end up sputtering, and the hiccups will most likely get worse. Consider yourself warned.

At the first sign of hiccups, slow down your breathing. Sometimes (granted not often) you can nip them in the bud with this calming technique.

If not, then it’s time for a glass of water and the ultimate hiccup cure.

I know what you’re thinking, “there’s nothing revolutionary about this… drink water…but it doesn’t work.”

Well it does if you do it my way.

You need a fairly large glass of water (maybe ten to twelve ounces) with no ice. Now your job is to drink the water from the far side of the glass.

What? Is that possible?

Why yes, it is. Of course in order to be successful, you need to bend over and lean way down in order for the glass to tip enough for the water to come out of the glass and into your mouth. Your head will actually be upside down at this point.

Drink as much of the water as you can without stopping (or spilling).

Slowly stand back up, and voila! The hiccups should be gone.

This technique takes a little practice, so you might want to try it before you actually have a case of hiccups, that way you’ll be prepared. And maybe try it over a towel, in case you spill.

I promise, it works. It looks weird, and the possibility exists that a bartender might think you should be cut off, but if you have the hiccups and want them gone, do it. Just tell them I said so.


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Making Adult Decisions – Thoughts on Navy ROTC

My son is seriously considering making a commitment to the United States Navy in exchange for a four year college scholarship. After graduation, he would give four years of full-time active duty service to the Navy as an officer. Of course he would have to be offered this scholarship, but after discussing his situation with the ROTC recruiter (test scores, GPA, extra-curricular activities, interests, etc.), it looks like he’s an excellent candidate.

I have to be honest, I have some mixed feelings about this whole situation.Seal_of_the_United_States_Department_of_the_Navy.svg

There are many positives, not the least of which is a “free” college education. He would graduate with a guaranteed first job, and, if he wanted to, a ready-made career. If he wanted to try something else after his four year commitment, he would enter the civilian workforce with four years of practical experience and a military background, which (I think) would make him a desirable candidate for most companies.

Additionally, he would graduate from college with no little to no debt, and he would have a built-in support and accountability system in place wherever he ends up in college. No doubt about it, there are plenty of benefits to and ROTC scholarship.

But then there’s the flip side. The four years (or more, if he chooses) afterward. The Navy will decide where he will live and what work he will do. Our nation is not at peace. Do I really want my son in the military when men and women are dying in combat?

I absolutely support him in this endeavor, but I did tell him that I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about sharing him with the United States Navy. His answer? “It’s not your decision to make.” He didn’t say it in a mean or sarcastic way. He just said it matter-of-factly. The thing is, he’s absolutely right. This is his decision to make. He’s decided to apply for the scholarship, and I’m pretty sure he’ll get it. I know it can be a very good thing for him, but it’s still a little bittersweet for me to realize that he’s old enough and mature enough to be making these types of decisions.


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Food Obsessed? Ask Yourself These Questions

skinny-healthyIf you’ve been with me for a while, you may recall that I’ve been working with a nutritionist since August. I got off to a great start, and lost ten pounds fairly quickly. Then the next ten came off, and I was delighted. After that, however, I hit a snag. I went to my hometown and celebrated a happy occasion with my family. I stayed with my mother and spent the entire weekend going from one event to another, with delicious food at every turn.

Now I didn’t pig out at those events. I ate sensibly (for the most part) and didn’t imbibe (too) much, so I was still seatbelt-extender free on the trip home. That came as a relief. The trip, however, seemed to be something of a turning point for me, and not in a good way.

From that point on, (it’s been two weeks) I just haven’t felt the same motivation to eat well and take good care of myself. I haven’t thrown in the towel completely, but my motivation has definitely taken a hit. Halloween was the tipping point. I don’t even know how many fun-sized candies I ate, along with some chips and dip and a delicious helping of Frito pie for dessert. Yeah. It was that bad.

Well, I visited the nutritionist, and asked to skip the scale. She agreed, and we chatted. I told her I felt stuck. I told her my motivation was waning. I told her I was not being successful. Her question to me?  WHY? 

Why what? Why was all of this happening? Why was I feeling this way? Or did I need to think about bigger questions? Yeah, I thought so. So I started asking myself the WHY questions.

WHY would I want to sabotage the work that I’ve done to get healthier?

WHY do I feel like it’s more difficult to eat a nutritious meal than one that is full of fat?

WHY is it that behaviors that were easy to do in August now feel difficult to do in November?

WHY don’t I accept the responsibility I have to take good care of myself?

WHY would I want to continue living in an unfit body rather than one that functions better?

WHY does my heart rebel agains what my head knows is the right thing to do? Or is it my mouth that rebels?

WHY am I so obsessed with food and eating in the first place?

My nutritionist feels strongly that if I take the time to dig through these questions and uncover some of their answers, I will have more success in my quest to improve my health though improving my body.  I imagine she’s right.tumblr_me8cl09qP41qfhcbno1_500

Until I do that difficult and scary work, though, I’m recommitting to making better choices, planning ahead, and avoiding some of the food traps that I know trip me up. The leftover Halloween candy is leaving the house tomorrow, and a menu plan is being developed for the rest of the week. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

Oh, and the scale that I asked not to go on at the beginning of the appointment? Well, by the end of the session I was ready to face the music. I took a breath, stepped on, and was astonished. I hadn’t gained an ounce, in fact I had actually lost a little bit. The relief was overwhelming. I hadn’t sabotaged myself completely after all. The work I’d been doing hadn’t been completely undone. I was so happy I left the appointment laughing.

I dodged a bullet this time, but I know I won’t be so lucky in the future. It’s time to step up my game.