Not bad for a fat girl


Welcome to 2016 and Back to Reality

champagne2Another new year. Another holiday season draws to a close. Another time for reflection and another call to action. At least that’s how it usually feels with a brand new year. This year, however, I’m not sure I’m quite feeling it.

At least the call to action, part.

You see, I was doing so well, but then the holidays hit and I learned that I’m losing my nutritionist. I’m sad about that. It reminds me of the time I was doing so well on Jenny Craig (way back in my twenties) until my “consultant” left for a new job. The new person just wasn’t the same, and I lost interest.

Then there was the wonderful chiropractor I lost. Say what you will about chiropractic, but I could walk in with a pounding headache and walk out feeling like a million bucks. He was terrific, and I appreciated both his technique and his personality. I was sad the day he told me he was relocating, and I’ve never found anyone who could match his skill. I’ve given up trying.

I realize I’m being a big baby about this, but I want to keep working with her. I felt empowered and successful and after each visit with her. I felt as though I could carry on the struggle of losing weight in a safe and sane way.

I know that the changes I make in my life have to be made by ME, for ME. I get it. But it’s so nice to feel like I have someone in my corner cheering me on and believing in me.

I have to shake off my boo hoo attitude, drop my holiday mode (lobster, champagne, fudge…) and get on with it. I can do this, even if I have to do it alone.


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How I’ve Missed You

My poor dear little blog, you’ve been so neglected.

I could tell you that it’s because it’s holiday time, and there are so many other things I feel I have to do, but I don’t think that watching holiday movies is a good excuse.

I could tell you that it’s because it’s the end of the semester at school and I have to wrap up the grading and projects and all the other things that go along with this time of year, but really that’s kind of an excuse too.

I think I may be neglecting you because I’m just tired.

I’m tired from work.

I’m tired from the stress of my kid applying to colleges (but hey, he’s been accepted to TWO universities, so it’s not bad news).

I’m tired from preparing for a trip. Ok, not really. I tend to be a last minute kind of a gal, in case you hadn’t noticed.

I think what I’m really tired from is the diminished level of care I’ve been giving myself. I’ve allowed my old habits to start creeping back in, a bit at a time. Some Christmas cookies here, a glass of spiked eggnog there, a bit of fudge, a glass of wine… it all adds up, and it’s added up. Not to worry, though, because I had an appointment with my nutritionist on the calendar. I knew she would help me get back on track. Except that it didn’t quite work out that way.

You see, this lovely woman who has been so instrumental in helping me lose weight and become healthier has had a surprise thrown her way. She will be leaving the medical group where she’s been working, and she’s not sure of her next move.

I’m sad for her, but she has a wonderful attitude. She’s framing it as an opportunity for growth. I admire that. But it still sucks. It sucks for her to have to look for work, especially at this time of year, and it sucks for me, because frankly I really like working with her. She comes from a place of wisdom and no judgment, and I find that so helpful.

Our paths may cross again. I hope so. In the meantime I wish her well. Now to get off my tush and start taking care of business once again, with or without her help.


Food Obsessed? Ask Yourself These Questions

skinny-healthyIf you’ve been with me for a while, you may recall that I’ve been working with a nutritionist since August. I got off to a great start, and lost ten pounds fairly quickly. Then the next ten came off, and I was delighted. After that, however, I hit a snag. I went to my hometown and celebrated a happy occasion with my family. I stayed with my mother and spent the entire weekend going from one event to another, with delicious food at every turn.

Now I didn’t pig out at those events. I ate sensibly (for the most part) and didn’t imbibe (too) much, so I was still seatbelt-extender free on the trip home. That came as a relief. The trip, however, seemed to be something of a turning point for me, and not in a good way.

From that point on, (it’s been two weeks) I just haven’t felt the same motivation to eat well and take good care of myself. I haven’t thrown in the towel completely, but my motivation has definitely taken a hit. Halloween was the tipping point. I don’t even know how many fun-sized candies I ate, along with some chips and dip and a delicious helping of Frito pie for dessert. Yeah. It was that bad.

Well, I visited the nutritionist, and asked to skip the scale. She agreed, and we chatted. I told her I felt stuck. I told her my motivation was waning. I told her I was not being successful. Her question to me?  WHY? 

Why what? Why was all of this happening? Why was I feeling this way? Or did I need to think about bigger questions? Yeah, I thought so. So I started asking myself the WHY questions.

WHY would I want to sabotage the work that I’ve done to get healthier?

WHY do I feel like it’s more difficult to eat a nutritious meal than one that is full of fat?

WHY is it that behaviors that were easy to do in August now feel difficult to do in November?

WHY don’t I accept the responsibility I have to take good care of myself?

WHY would I want to continue living in an unfit body rather than one that functions better?

WHY does my heart rebel agains what my head knows is the right thing to do? Or is it my mouth that rebels?

WHY am I so obsessed with food and eating in the first place?

My nutritionist feels strongly that if I take the time to dig through these questions and uncover some of their answers, I will have more success in my quest to improve my health though improving my body.  I imagine she’s right.tumblr_me8cl09qP41qfhcbno1_500

Until I do that difficult and scary work, though, I’m recommitting to making better choices, planning ahead, and avoiding some of the food traps that I know trip me up. The leftover Halloween candy is leaving the house tomorrow, and a menu plan is being developed for the rest of the week. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

Oh, and the scale that I asked not to go on at the beginning of the appointment? Well, by the end of the session I was ready to face the music. I took a breath, stepped on, and was astonished. I hadn’t gained an ounce, in fact I had actually lost a little bit. The relief was overwhelming. I hadn’t sabotaged myself completely after all. The work I’d been doing hadn’t been completely undone. I was so happy I left the appointment laughing.

I dodged a bullet this time, but I know I won’t be so lucky in the future. It’s time to step up my game.