Body shape | BulgingButtons

(Originally published July 1, 2013)

Here are a few random and not so random thoughts of why being fat is a sucky thing. A lot of them are totally obvious, but there might be a few on here that you’ve never heard anyone say or maybe you haven’t even thought about them. In no particular order, I give you lots of reasons why being fat sucks.

1. Huffing and puffing with no intent to blow anyone’s house down.

2. The look you get at the doctor’s office when you head for the scale, even if, as in my case, all the staff are amazing and kind. Even if you don’t get the look from them, you imagine it in your head.

3. Getting in and out of your boyfriend’s Mustang is a chore.

4. Overheating and then feeling like a sweaty pig.

5. Having trouble keeping all your nooks and crannies clean and fresh.

6. Actually worrying about whether wall mounted commodes are fastened securely enough.

7. Never being able to use the tray table on the airplane because it forms a downward angle as it rests against your belly.

8. Speaking of airplane, living in fear of the seatbelt extender. I haven’t had to use one yet, but the last flight I took gave me a good scare.

9. Sitting very carefully or choosing to stand if furniture doesn’t seem to be sturdy enough.

10. People stare at you and are mean sometimes. They are.

11. Stuff is too small for you. All kinds of stuff that you might not expect, like boots that don’t fit over your calves or watches that have straps that are too short.

12. Trimming your toenails is like an Olympic event. Even tying shoes can be a real challenge.

13. People who care about you give you all sorts of well meaning advice and even give you newspaper clippings just to remind you about how dangerous and awful it is to be fat.

14. You take medications for things that you wouldn’t need to deal with if you weren’t hauling around all the extra weight.

15. Buying clothes. ‘Nuff said.

16. Not being able to ride all the rides at the carnival or amusement park.

17. Not being able to go horseback riding (but really, did you ever see Bonanza? Hoss was bigger than I am!).

18. Not being able to reach the top of the trail when hiking.

19. Feeling overwhelmed and “less than” when in fact I’m “more than.”

20. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to be kind and good to myself.

Feel free to add your own, after all the more we can keep these in mind, the more likely we’ll be to banish them forever!

Swings (Photo credit: brettchisum)

Today I wore jeans to work. It’s Friday, and it’s ok to wear them where I work, in fact many of my colleagues wear jeans regularly. For me, it’s more of a special occasion kind of thing.

I was actually excited to wear them, since a few months back I had surgery that totally shifted my bulk around. After my surgery, even my biggest pants were a no go. I could only fit into elastic waists, which, like any fat girl, I already owned. I was less than thrilled with this prospect, but until the end of June I just accepted it. After all, the surgery was early in March, and it took a while to recover. In fact it took a long while. Longer than I expected.

During that recovery period I started to feel really discouraged. Sure, the surgery fixed the original problem, but now I had a gaping surgical wound (ew, I know), a new weird body shape (to replace the old, weird body shape), and limited ability to do even simple tasks. I was fortunate though; I was surrounded by people who genuinely cared about me. A dear friend (who happens to be a nurse) was actually excited about assisting me with my wound care, and my other friends at work insisted on aiding me with all sorts of tasks. They barely let me lift a finger. The children I taught were sweet and cooperative too, making my job as easy as possible.

Eventually, I healed, but it was June before I finally got fed up. I was physically able to move more, and I had the time to devote to finally repairing more than just a belly scar. This blog was born, and I shouted to the world that it was time for me to move forward.

At the start of this process I could hardly button my biggest jeans. They are in the banner picture. Yes, that is really me. Well, today I wore those jeans to work. And it was awful.

You see, those jeans just don’t fit me. They have become too large. They sag and droop and all day long I felt like they were in danger of plummeting to my ankles. I was adjusting them and hiking them up all day long. Down they would droop again, hems dragging across the floor. They had turned into a great big annoyance. I couldn’t wait to get home and take them off. They dropped right to the floor, to be quickly and happily replaced by their next size smaller counterpart. Ok, maybe they squeeze a little more at the waist than I would like, but they don’t sag, droop, or fall down. I think next Friday they may make their work debut.