BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Eighty-one Pounds Gone, and Eating Cinnamon Bears for Dinner

So if you read my last post (half a year ago) you know that I’ve been taking weight loss medication, and lo and behold, it’s working! All those things about being fat that average sized people don’t think about are starting to become standard for me. I’m by no means skinny, and I don’t aspire to be, but there’s significantly less of me than there used to be.

Recently we had Thanksgiving here in the U.S. of A., and I was lucky enough to score a visit from my boy (grown up man) who lives in another state. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and when he looked at me for the first time he was a little bit thrown for a loop. He actually told me that it’s going to take him some time to get used to the way I look now. I weigh less now than I have at any point during his lifetime, so I can see where he’s coming from.

Honestly, I don’t want to stay on this medication forever, partly because I don’t enjoy giving myself shots, partly because gagging when I brush my teeth is unpleasant, and partly because who knows what the long term effects of this medication are. Oh, and the cost. There’s that factor too. But for right now, and the foreseeable future, I’m sticking with it (see what I did there? stick, like needle? pretty clever, right?).

My sweetheart doesn’t love the idea of me being on this medicine for an extended period of time. He’s convinced that I’ve “learned better habits and can continue making those better decisions.” Right. Like having cinnamon bears for dinner. Yes, I’m eating considerably less, but still not always the best choices. I try, but some days I really just don’t want to. Yes, I occasionally get cravings, even with the medicine, but FAR less often or intensely than without it. I haven’t learned better habits, I’ve always known what they are. It’s not knowledge that’s the issue, it’s putting it into practice, and that’s where I have struggled all my adult life.


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Another Monday Do Over

id-like-do-overMonday again.

That means a new week, which in turn means a new start.

I get to start over with my students, and yet again tackle the daunting mountain of paperwork that their education seems to require. I get to laugh with them, lead them, and help them learn.

I get to start again with my colleagues, producing and sharing lessons so that all of our students can learn in ways that are meaningful and helpful to them. I get to explore different ways to share ideas with our students, and I have the opportunity to learn from the experts around me.

I get to start again with my family, sharing my life and my home with them with love and grace. I get to choose how I communicate with them, and what to focus on. I get to set the tone in my home.

I get to start again with my goals and dreams. Will I write this week? Will I sew? Will I make my home more beautiful? Will I lavish attention on my beloved dog? Where will the week take me?

I get to start over with myself. Will I care for myself this week? Will I nurture and love myself? Will I feed myself correctly and push myself to make good decisions, even if they aren’t my preferred choices?

I feel so fortunate that it’s Monday, and that I get a do-over. I hope I use it wisely.


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Please Pass Me a Tangerine (or is it a Clementine?)

tangerines-resized-600This challenge thing is pretty awesome. I’ve been issuing challenges to myself, and, oddly, not only have I accepted them, I’ve also been successful with them. Go figure.

Today it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I was starting to experience a shift in my mindset. I found myself reaching for a tangerine as a snack (or clementine… what’s the difference? anyone?) and I thought to myself that I was actually shifting my thought patterns.

The old me would have deemed a tangerine (or clementine) too much of a hassle to eat. After all, you have to peel it. The current me finds that line of thinking absurd. It’s not more difficult than opening a package of chips. Ok, well, maybe slightly more effort is involved, but really, it’s not much. Besides, the tangerine (or clementine) is so darn sweet and delicious.

Sweet. That’s my big issue. I’m pretty much a sugar junkie. I have to stay away from the sweet stuff, because when I start I have a hard time stopping. I’ve written about my Hot Tamale addiction before, but it’s really not an addiction… it’s more of an issue. If I have them, I eat them. If I don’t have them, I rarely go out of my way to get them. The truly addicted would move mountains to get a fix, but that’s not me. Know why? Because there are so many sugar-laden alternatives. It’s not the Hot Tamales that are the issue, it’s the sugar.

Yes, I know that tangerines (or clementines) are full of sweet, delicious, natural sugar. I’m okay with that. It’s the processed stuff that makes me nuts. I know this, and slowly I’m facing this particular demon.

No, it’s not crack. It’s not meth, or a fifth of vodka, or a needle full of heroin (do you even say that? a needle full?) but still, it’s an issue. I’m working on it, a little at a time. Every day it gets a little easier to make better choices. Every day I move a little closer to a full-on commitment to becoming my best me. Every day I make decisions that are becoming easier and easier. One challenge at a time, one week at a time, I’m working my way to a better, healthier, slimmer, fitter, more amazing me.