parenting | BulgingButtons

November 21, 2013
by BulgingButtons 5 Comments

Ham and the Art of Parenting

Two days ago in the grocery store, teenage son says, “Oh Mommy, can we get a ham?” Yes, he calls me Mommy. Deal with it. “We have ham in the fridge,” I reply, quite sensibly. “No, not ham, A ham. For the pot luck at school on Friday.”

Oh. A ham. Great. He goes to a school where a lot of the kids are on free and reduced lunch. They will bring items to the potluck, but they won’t bring a ham. I know these kids. They are great kids. I want to feed them, and I have the means to provide a ham. “Fine,” I tell him, “but you have to deal with it.”

I don’t have the first clue about what to do with a ham. I grew up in a semi-kosher household and we never had a ham. I have never purchased a ham. I do buy deli ham, though, and bacon has been in my house on more than one occasion, but a ham? Never.

Now it’s Thursday night, and he reminds me of the ham. “When are we going to cook the ham?” he asks. I’m planning on walking out the door in five minutes to go to a class. My finace, who advised him on the finer points of ham cooking, is out cold feeling ill. Um, we?

So the quandry is, do I go to class (it’s the last meeting, and certainly not for a grade or anything, just for fun) and worry all evening about the ham and the possibility of him burning down the house, or at least drying out the ham, or do I stay home and google ham and it’s preparation? Oh this parenting thing, it just never gets old. Next year I hope he signs up for paper plates.

November 20, 2013
by BulgingButtons 3 Comments

Daily Prompt: Fright Night Take Two

Everything scares me. The television show Fear Factor was beyond my ability to comprehend. I would have been too afraid to do any of the things that those contestants did for the opportunity to win a monetary prize. I cannot imagine the drive for money being greater than the drive for self preservation.

Scary movies send me running for cover, and it’s been years since I’ve read a frightening book. I dislike being afraid. I feel my heart rate increase, my stress level rise, and an inability to think clearly overwhelms me. And people do this for fun? No thank you. In fact, the issue of fear is one that I prefer to avoid all together.

Of all the fears I have, I think the biggest one is that something bad would happen to my son. I am a parent. It’s my responsibility to be afraid for him. Money wouldn’t make me face my fears, but love for my child is a different story. Who knows how any of us will behave in a given situation? People say they know, but I’m not one of those people. I believe that my love for my child would cause me to rise above my fears, but I can’t be certain. Since I can’t be sure, I have to do everything in my power to make sure he is far from danger. Impossible? Yes, but in my opinion a worthy pursuit.

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

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November 9, 2013
by BulgingButtons 12 Comments

Daily Prompt: Connect the Dots

Scour the news for an entirely uninteresting story. Consider how it connects to your life. Write about that.

The news is full of all sorts of stories from the horrifying to the absurd. The story I chose caught my eye because it was about a father’s unwillingness to take his child to McDonald’s and the fallout from that decision. Really?

In a nutshell, it’s about divorce, choices, and outside interference from psychologists, lawyers, and judges. It’s not about McDonald’s at all. Here’s the story: Dad gets almost 5 year old for dinner once a week. Boy wants McDonald’s for dinner. Day says no. Boy tantrums. Dad says anything BUT McDonald’s or no dinner. Boy chooses no dinner. Dad returns boy to mom. Dad deemed unfit parent. Dad’s visitation with son is on the line and Dad sues psychologist who recommends limiting visitation. Big. Ugly. Mess.

How sad that a parent can’t say no to his child without being accused of something sinister. Of course this isn’t about going to McDonald’s or not going to McDonald’s. It’s about finding an in, a chink in the armor, the Achille’s Heel, of your adversary. I’m sure son was upset at being taken back to mom without dinner. I’m sure mom was unhappy that son was upset and unfed. But somewhere, she had a flash of brilliance and used the incident to further her own agenda of limiting son’s exposure to dad. Maybe she has good reason. I don’t know these people. Maybe dad is an awful person on another level. But this isolated incident is not indicative of anything troublesome. In fact, I think it’s decent parenting. Sometimes we say no, and we mean it. That is an important lesson for an almost five year old.

I’m so glad I was able to teach those types of lessons to my son when he was small without any fear that his father would somehow twist them and use them against me. Would the incident where I walked out of the grocery store with a screaming three year old, my full cart stashed in the beer cooler (at the manager’s suggestion) have caused me to be labeled unfit? Would the scolding and swat on the bottom after running away in a busy mall have labeled me abusive? I don’t know, but those incidents could have been twisted and transformed into something ugly and harmful.

I think we are too quick to want to further our own agendas without looking at what is best for the greater good, in this instance a boy who really needs love, guidance, and limits from the adults who love him.