parenting | BulgingButtons

October 13, 2015
by BulgingButtons 2 Comments

So Many Questions on the Path to College

This business of being a parent to a senior in high school is difficult, and I don’t even have one of those kids who’s involved in a million different activities. He’s not driving, he doesn’t have a job or a girlfriend, and he doesn’t even hang out with his friends outside of school. I’m lucky. I get to actually have him around.

Ok, so it’s not like we bond over hot cocoa and play scrabble, or take long walks around the neighborhood together, but he’s here. Yes, there’s a certain amount of badgering on my part (where’s your retainer? can you please pick up that towel? when are you going to walk the dog?) and a certain amount of grunting on his part, but I know where he is and what he’s doing. What will happen this time next year? Will I be able to handle it? I only have one kid, so it’s not like anyone will step up to fill the void once he heads off to the dorms (but in what state?).

Sure, it’s true that he’s gone quite regularly (as in weekly) to spend time with his father, but somehow that’s different. For one thing I’ve had a couple of years to get used to it. For another, the longest stretch that he’s ever away is four days, every other week. I can handle that. College is a lot longer than four days, and at the end, he’s not supposed to come back. I mean to stay, anyway. At least hopefully not.

In the meantime, there’s this craziness of getting in all the applications. Frankly it’s stressing me out. Not because of the deadlines, either, because I know that if I don’t stay on him it won’t get done. What does that say about college? Following is a list of questions that trouble me. Hopefully other parents who have lived through this ~~nightmare~~ process can talk me off the ledge.

Will he be that freshman who NEVER washes his bedsheets?
Will be brush his teeth?
Will he lose his retainer the first week?
Or will he throw his retainer away?
Or will he be done with the stupid retainer by the time he goes to college?
Will he EVER call me?
Will he EVER pick up the phone when I call him?
Will he make friends?
Will he study enough?
Will he go to his classes?
Will he know enough to not schedule early morning classes?
Will he even have a choice in his schedule as a freshman?
Will there be co-ed bathrooms?
How do I feel about co-ed bathrooms?
How does he feel about co-ed bathrooms?
What will happen if he runs out of toothpaste?
Why am I so obsessed with his teeth?
Why is he so nonchalant about his teeth?
Why is he so nonchalant about deadlines?
Will he actually be admitted to a college that he really wants to go to?
Will he ever admit to being excited about any college?
How will we pay for college?
Will he receive any of these scholarships that I’m making him apply for?
How do people pay for college without getting into tremendous amounts of debt?
Will he make the most of his college experience?

and a bonus question

How will I survive this transition?

The truth of the matter is that no matter how much I worry, he’s going to do what he’s going to do. So far his choices have been mostly good. Still, I’m a mother, so that means my default mode is worry, but I need to remind myself that up until now he’s been about a million times better than I ever was at his age, and I survived college. Oh sure, there are a few instances that I will never ever admit to, but by the time I was a senior, I figured out how to get on the dean’s list (here’s the secret: don’t just do the assignments, actually go to class). But I was a SENIOR! He’s only going to be a freshman. My baby!

In the meantime, I’m going to insist on reviewing his essays before he hits the send button, and I’m going to hound him about that stupid retainer (I think I may hate it almost as much as he does). This stretch of life is a little complicated and full of unknowns, but I’m going to try my best to enjoy it, because I know it will be gone in an instant, and then there’s no going back.

October 8, 2015
by BulgingButtons 2 Comments

My Son is the Prince of Procrastination

I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s been raised by me, and I’m the queen.

This business of applying for colleges and scholarship programs has been slowly driving me mad. You see, there are deadlines to follow. Lots of them. Deadlines for registering for tests, deadlines for applications for financial aid, deadlines for submitting letters of reference… more deadlines than I’ve ever encountered in my life.

The nefarious thing about these deadlines is that my son seems only vaguely aware of them (or not – in some cases he’s completely clueless). I want to shake him. I want to shout at him. I want to yell, “WAKE UP!” but I know that none of these strategies will prove helpful in any way.

Instead, I’ve taken it upon myself to become an internet sleuth on a mission. I will hunt down and find all those pieces and parts, and I will hover over this giant man-child like a grumpy drill sergeant until he completes them all.

I understand that this is “enabling” behavior, but if it means “enabling” him to attend college without breaking the bank or going into massive debt for the next several decades, I’m okay with it.

I see myself as something of a coach in this process. A big, bossy coach, with an annoying whistle ready to blow in his ear at any moment.

You want to play video games? TWEET

You want to watch the baseball game? TWEET

You want to “rest?” TWEET

Sorry kid, you’re not done yet.

Yes, it’s irritating to both of us, but I’m not willing to let this one go. Sometimes, though, I wish he weren’t quite so much like me.

October 7, 2015
by BulgingButtons 6 Comments

Sucked in to My Own Little World

I hardly know how to begin.

I’ve written the first sentence and deleted it at least four times.

I’m ashamed. Embarrassed. Filled with doubts and fears.

Doubts that any of my dear readers are still around after I’ve more or less abandoned you. Afraid that I’ve damaged my own reputation by disappearing.

The flip side of that, of course, is the realization that there probably aren’t too many people (if any) who have actually noticed that the blog has gone quiet.

Oh sure, my personal Facebook friends are probably relieved that they haven’t had to scroll past my announcements over the past several days, but in terms of actually missing my ramblings, I don’t think there’s anyone out there who has been wondering what I’ve been up to. Still, I’m going to enlighten you.

Not much.

Naturally that’s not entirely true, but not much that’s particularly earth shattering.

I’ve been drawing into myself, and I don’t necessarily think that’s entirely a bad thing. I’ve been taking care of myself, eating well, and keeping up with my visits to the nutritionist. In fact I’m down almost twenty pounds over the last six weeks.

I’ve also been crazy busy at work, well until last Friday when my fall break began. There were report cards to prepare and parent-teacher conferences to hold and post-break lessons to plan, so it was a rough week. Still, it ended several days ago, so I suppose I could have gotten off Pinterest, closed the book I’m reading (Wild, by Cheryl Strayed), and started writing. Obviously I didn’t.

What I’ve done instead is immerse myself in the world of a high school student who is preparing to apply to college. It seems that our home life has become dominated by talk of SAT’s and college fairs, common apps and scholarship opportunities. Essays are being composed and websites are being scoured. We’re having lots of conversations about making choices and setting priorities. Today my son decided on the five universities he would like to apply to. I think he’s made good choices based on his interests, talents, disposition, and career goals. I’m proud of him. Any one of those five institutions will help him to achieve his goals, and I think he would be a good candidate for all of them.

Frankly, I’ve been having a little trouble with this phase of his life. His high school experience is completely different from mine. He doesn’t go to parties, he doesn’t drive, and I always know where he is. I’m grateful that he’s a much better behaved kid than I ever was, but I think it will make the inevitable separation that much more difficult. Frankly my parents were probably relieved when it was time for me to go away to college. I dread it with my son, but I know he’ll be ready. At least I hope he will. Still, it’s not going to be easy.