Relationships | BulgingButtons

June 9, 2015
by BulgingButtons 4 Comments

Acts of Service – The Five Love Languages

A while back I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It really was a while ago, because I bought the singles edition, and I’ve been engaged for the past two years (no hurry, but that’s a whole other post). Tonight I was clearly reminded of this book’s premise by my sweetheart. No, he hasn’t read it, it was in his actions.

You see, Chapman asserts that we all have a love language with which we are most comfortable. We tend to show others our love though that language, and we prefer to receive the love of others in that same way. The languages, as he defines them, are Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Of course most people enjoy all of those types of interactions with their loved ones, but generally one of them stands out. For my sweetheart, it’s Acts of Service.

He shows his love through doing things for me, like changing the wiper blades on my car and repairing the dryer. Yes, these are practical things, but they are things that make my life better, and I appreciate that he does them. I also have to remember that he feels loved when I perform acts of service too. Simple things like cleaning up the kitchen or vacuuming make him very happy.

Tonight he proved, once again, that he’s an Acts of Service guy. I mentioned to him, rather late in the evening, that I thought I might be getting a bladder infection. TMI? Sorry. Being the sensitive man he it, he knew that cranberry juice is the first line of defense against such a problem. He immediately left the house to get me some, bringing back two large bottles and a six-pack of small ones I could take with me on the go. As soon as he got home he got out a glass, filled it with ice, and presented me with the elixir of health. Now if that’s not a display of love, I don’t know what is.

Maybe some people this book is pop psychology or new age nonsense, but it made very good sense to me. I think I’ll reread it before I go on vacation with my extended family. Maybe I’ll be able to use some of the information it contains to keep things running smoothly with all the people I love.

How do you show love? How do you like it to be shown to you?

April 17, 2015
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Feeling Like a Newbie All Over Again

There’s something very empowering about being brand new to something. You have the luxury of not knowing much, and therefore not being expected to be terribly proficient at whatever it is. Now granted, there are times when this is a horrible disadvantage, like say for a brain surgeon. I wouldn’t want to be standing there in an operating room facing my first exposed brain. That seems like a lot of pressure.

In other situations, however, I believe the role of the novice can be quite freeing.

Someone who picks up paints for the first time may not be inhibited by color theory in ways that a more experienced artist might. A first time novelist may not be as concerned with plot structure as a writer with several editions under her belt. A new quilter may not realize that certain fabrics “shouldn’t” go together, and as a result she might create something bold, beautiful, and unique.

Maybe it’s the creative pursuits where newness has the biggest advantage. Even in creative endeavors there are “rules” and ways of doing things that will produce somewhat predictable results, but many times those rules are meant to be broken. Newbies don’t worry so much about the rules, in fact they may be blissfully unaware of them. I think that’s a good thing.

With newness comes exploration and wonder, whether it’s with paints, fabrics, words, or human relationships. Everything is fresh and untried. Each path is new and unexplored. Some of them work out beautifully while others may be unsatisfying or even cause difficulty.

Whether you’re experimenting with clay or a banjo or a human heart, being new brings a level of energy and excitement that is difficult to recapture. Enjoy the experience. Expertise will come, if you want it badly enough, and if it’s meant to be.

November 6, 2014
by BulgingButtons 8 Comments

Reclaiming the Wasted Hours

I’m in the process of trying to reclaim the things that I want for my life. I have managed, over the past several months, or maybe even more, to get comfortable. That comfort has led to laziness, both physical and mental. In a nutshell here’s what I think happened.

I was married for a long time. I had a normal little family (mom, dad, kid) until suddenly, one day, I didn’t. I got divorced and was forced to spend some time soul-searching and figuring out what I wanted from my life. I was still a mom, only my role had changed, since I didn’t have my son with me all the time anymore. That was brutal.

I had to decide how I wanted my life to turn out. I was required to make difficult decisions that I never thought I would be faced with, but I did it, and I’m proud to say I did it with grace. I pulled though stronger and better equipped to face the future than I would have thought possible.

I was beginning to understand what made me truly happy, perhaps for the first time ever. I did things I had put off doing, and went places I wanted to go. I began to develop new interests and I dusted off some old ones. Then I ventured out into the big wide world, and I miraculously managed to meet someone wonderful.

We’ve spent time getting to know one another, and we’ve committed ourselves to each other. We, along with my son, have become a family. We’ve purchased a home and we function as a unit. It’s a very happy, safe, and comfortable place to be. I like this feeling a lot.

We both work long hours, and we both are sort of home-bodies. We do enjoy the theater, and attend live performances regularly. We both enjoy food, so dining out is a fairly regular occurence for us too. Other than that, we tend to stay home. We like our home. We like each other’s company. But here’s the thing, I’ve noticed that I’ve pushed the other things I enjoy to the back burner so that I can just “hang out” with him. I need to quit doing that. Participating in NaNoWriMo and NoBloPoMo are great ways for me to make sure that the time I’m spending isn’t wasted time.

I’m not suggesting that spending time with loved ones is wasted time. It isn’t. Spending time watching sitcoms with loved ones can be, though. Instead of mindlessly watching tv, I would rather bring out my laptop and work on a chapter of my novel or begin a new blog post. Instead of watching the adult cartoons he so enjoys, I can keep him company while I stitch on a quilt binding (of course there would have to be a quilt ready to be bound for that, but you get the idea). Maybe I can even convince him to take a walk around the park with me. It would do us both a world of good. And I still have all this extra weight I need to lose. The couch isn’t any good for helping me make progress in that area. Neither is the half price Halloween candy, but I digress.

There are only 24 hours in each day, no matter how you look at it. I need to use mine to further my goals and to help me live my best life. Watching tv won’t help me do that. I know that, but I’m still keeping Monday nights open, after all, everyone needs some downtime, right?