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March 16, 2014
by BulgingButtons 5 Comments

Under the Wire, Again

I have had the most wonderful week off. I’m lucky to live in a place where other people travel for spring break. We had gorgeous weather all week, and I got a lot of chores done. It was a good week.

Now it’s Sunday evening, and I’m procrastinating again. I have work to do and yet, here I am blogging instead. Why? I don’t know. I was going to get it all done at the beginning of break, but that didn’t happen. Now not only do I have work to do, but I have to remember my train of thought before I begin. Who knows what I was thinking a week ago? Certainly not me!

What will get me going? A timer? A reward? A swift kick in the rear? Nope, none of those. The only thing getting me moving is the knowledge that there are people relying on me. They did their parts (they always do) and now I need to do mine.

I guess vacation is over. It makes me a little sad, but I do look forward to seeing my little urchins tomorrow. Fourth quarter, here we come.

January 29, 2014
by BulgingButtons 19 Comments

Daily Prompt: Write Here, Write Now – Sick Day

I hear the nagging alarm at the usual time and hit the snooze button. Slowly it dawns on me that I don’t feel right. My head feels swollen and full and my body feels worn and ragged. I push myself to a sitting position and turn off the alarm, which is buzzing again. I remember now. I am in my clothes. I am fighting off sickness but I am losing the battle, even after a ten hour sleep. I shuffle to the bathroom to assess the damage. I hardly recognize myself. My only desire is to return to the warm nest I have recently vacated. This wish is impossible.

I wake my sleeping son with a croaking voice. He is puzzled. So am I. I turn on the computer, squinting at the blinding display. I fumble through a few different prompts and finally request a sub for my class. I am hopeful one will arrive. I immediately begin plans for the day. I write feverishly. Do I have a fever? I’m not sure, but I continue writing. Plans for the day complete I shuffle to my closet and dress. I do not look professional. I look horrible. Good.

I drop my son at his school and park at my own school. I choose my spot carefully. I walk into the office and apologize for not being superhuman. I am forgiven. My pallor, no doubt, is convincing. I make a set of copies and weave my way to my classroom. I shuffle a few things about and organize stacks of work for the day. Still, no sub has taken the job. The principal tells me another teacher will cover my class until a sub comes. If a sub comes. Should I feel guilty? I do not. I am sick.

I leave just as the bell rings. My strategic parking pays off. I back out without difficulty. I drive home. I survey my bed. At last. My wish comes true.

Write a post entirely in the present tense.

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January 15, 2014
by BulgingButtons 19 Comments

Under Pressure

Yikes! I’m amazed at how quickly I’ve reverted to the stressball I was before winter break. I’m feeling a little too much pressure, and I’m not dealing with it all that well at the moment. School has been back in session only eight days since break, and I’ve missed two of those days. I took a sick day last week and slept virtually all day. On Monday of this week I had a professional day of collaboration with other educators. It was fabulous. Those other eight though…

It’s not the kids. The kids are fine. It’s not the other teachers. They are amazing. What is it? I guess it’s all the demands. In those eight days I’ve been visited by my administrator at least four times. I’ve also been visited by our instructional coach and another coach sent in from the district. I’m being watched.

Now lest you think I’m “in trouble” or a slacker, I assure you I am not. HOWEVER, and this is obviously a big however (you did see the all caps, right?), my winter test scores weren’t great. Not just mine, the whole grade level. In fact we’re all being visited. I’m not sure it’s necessary or even helpful. Long story short, many hours have been spent discussing the situation, and measures are being taken to correct it. I hate being in this position. All of us do. We are professionals. We work hard. Really really hard.

I typically arrive at school by 7:30, take a 25 minute lunch unless I have kids come to do some work, then it’s closer to 12 minutes, and stay until 5 or later. Then I work at home many evenings and weekends. Why? Well, there are 29 sets of papers to be graded, scores to be entered, phone calls and emails to be returned, lessons to be planned and created, tests and practice sheets to be written, and test data to be evaluated. Then there are meetings to attend, forms to fill out, book orders to complete, displays to create, pencils to sharpen, web sites to update, and so much more.

This is not to complain, just to enlighten. The whole image of teachers working 8 to 3 and taking summers off is a fairy tale. Most of us love teaching and love kids, which is why we do it. None of us got into education for fame or fortune. But this is crazy. This feeling of never quite doing enough, never quite having enough time, never quite giving all the students exactly what they need at all times. It’s a lot. It’s too much. I have to cut myself a little slack or I won’t be any good to them. I know what I’m doing. I know I’m a good teacher. I can’t let the current situation get to me, or it will end up sabotaging my efforts. I just need to take a step back and breathe. In, out, in , out… I can do this. I have to.