It’s hard to believe that senior year has begun for my son. Things were a little rocky at times earlier in his high school career, but he managed to get it together. He’s put himself in a great position as far as college choices go, and I couldn’t be prouder. We have some campus visits lined up, and he has some ideas about where he might want to go, but it’s all still up in the air. It’s an exciting time for him, but for me it’s definitely a mixed blessing.
Of course I want him to move on to the next stage of his life, but I worry that he won’t be ready. Will he be mature and independent enough to manage on his own? Will he use his time wisely? Will he surround himself with positive people making good choices? Did I, at that age? I know he’s very different than I am in a lot of ways, but we have plenty of similarities too. Those are what worry me. I give up too easily on things that matter and hang on too long to things that don’t. I’ve seen this trait in him, especially the giving up.
He and I can both succumb to “all or nothing” thinking, which isn’t a good thing. You can usually be a little wrong, a little off, or a little late and still not have disaster befall you. In college I would skip a lecture rather than walk in two minutes late. What a waste. Has he learned these lessons yet? Have I had enough time to teach him? Or will he have to learn them on his own, as I did?
This feels like my last shot at being his mom. Once he leaves for college everything will change. Change is good, but change is difficult. He and I have been through a lot together, and I don’t feel quite ready to let him go. Fortunately I don’t have to, at least not quite yet.
*Clearly I am in denial, because after writing this I realized that he will be a senior in TWO years, not three. I am NOT ready.