TODAY’S QUESTION

What do you think you could be amongst the BEST in the world at doing?

This is a horribly difficult question. I keep thinking of things that I think I’m good at, but then I start to extend that thinking into the realm of best, and I shut down. I mean come on, I make great brownies, but amongst the best in the world? That’s a stretch.

I’m a good mother, and probably the perfect mother for my own particular kid, but am I amongst the world’s best? Only on a Hallmark card, I’m afraid. There are times that I allow him to do things that maybe I shouldn’t. There are times when I should be giving him more guidance than I do. There are times when I lose my cool with him. But really, he’s fifteen. Nobody’s perfect, right? Even the world’s best mothers lose it sometimes.

In terms of my other close relationships, I doubt that I rank amongst the world’s best at any of them. As a daughter, fiancée, sister, and friend, I’m sure I have plenty to be desired. I’m the one that forgets to send the birthday card. I’m the one who didn’t remember that you were having that procedure done today. I’m the one who should have called you yesterday. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. It’s just that I haven’t quite mastered putting reminders into my phone.

How about teaching? Could I be amongst the world’s best at that? Not according to the current standards of evaluation that are in place, at least in most American public schools. Within the constricts that teachers have, and with the amount of national testing that is done, I don’t believe that the way I teach my students will ever rank at the top of the ladder, not even in my own state, let alone the entire world. Honestly, I’m okay with that. I believe in what I do with my students, but I always see areas for improvement too. I’m not in it for awards or recognition, I’m in it to educate.

Well then, how about my hobbies? Quilting and scrapbooking are both creative outlets that I enjoy, but amongst the best? Not my quilting, that’s for sure. My seams don’t always meet quite the way they’re supposed to and my attempts at machine quilting, while they are improving, have a long way to go. My scrapbooking, while it has a crisp clean style that I like, has been on the back burner for so long that I hardly consider myself a scrapbooker any more.

So that leaves the written word. Could I hone my craft to the point where I’m a serious writer? Could I practice and improve to the point where my material is not only high enough quality for publication, but of enough interest to actually make it into the hands of readers? There is a part of me that thinks I can. Again, that “world’s best” is causing me some problems, but if I tone that down a bit, I see some potential. I read. I have read many books that have left me cold and thought to myself that I could do better. The difference, however, between those authors and me is that they finished their books and got them not only published, but sold. If they could do it, certainly I can too.

This former daily prompt made me really stop and think. What was the last lie I told and why did I tell it? Hmmmm. Immediately I figured it must have been in school with my students. Little fibs happen all the time. Usually they’re to keep things running smoothly in the classroom and to create the outcome that I want. For example, I pretend to randomly choose a student to contribute to the discussion, but really have my victim (uh, I mean volunteer) chosen ahead of time.

This type of orchestrating allows teachers to avoid situations like the one my colleague nearly found herself in as her class chose a nickname. They worked hard at brainstorming, and one student came up with the fabulous name, “Mrs. H’s Hooters.” Too bad that name accidentally got left off the ballot as they voted. Clearly Mrs. H fibs too. Sometimes it’s a matter of survival.

Aside from school, I’m a pretty honest person. I don’t lie about my age or my weight (although I might prefer to avoid the topic of exact pounds). I tell the doctor all the things I’ve done that I shouldn’t, and all the things I haven’t done that I should. I fill out my taxes accurately, and I even stop at the stop signs in parking lots when nobody is around to see me.

When it comes right down to it, I think I mostly lie to myself. I lie to myself every morning as I look in the mirror. I tell myself that I look pretty good, but as soon as a see a photo I cringe. I lie to myself about how much time I’m willing to spend on certain things, about how interested I am in certain projects. I lie to myself when I say yes to projects that I don’t have the time or energy to pursue. That type of self deception is foolish and ultimately pricey. It is also damaging and gets me into trouble. It has gotten me to a point where my health and well being have been compromised. I’ve decided that it’s time to be brutally honest with myself. If I won’t do it, nobody will.