Not bad for a fat girl

Recommitment or Let’s Try This Again


impossibleTomorrow is February 3. That means that in five months it will be my birthday. The day that will end the 47 for 47 Challenge year. On that day I will have either met my goals or not. I don’t anticipate sitting at the computer on my birthday studying the list, alternately congratulating myself and beating myself up, although I suppose that could happen. Just knowing that the list is there for all to see and wonder at is pretty powerful motivation to get going on some of those items.

The whole reason I began blogging was for me to spout off about how wonderful I am (or not) and how great a job I was doing taking care of myself (or not). Sadly, it’s been more of the not, but happily, the blog has grown beyond that original seed of an idea, so even with my many screw ups there’s still something interesting to read from time to time. There must be. People keep coming back, and new readers find me and follow BulgingButtons every day. How amazing is that?

But I digress. It’s a talent of mine. Not digression per se, but procrastination. I’m taking the long way around telling you that I’m ready to get back up on that horse. I’m ready to eat my fruits and veggies and do my exercise. I’m ready to drink my water and hold myself accountable. I’m ready to try again.

quoteI know, you’ve heard it all before. You are patient, bearing with me all this time. You’ve listened to me wax poetic about delicious meals and sedentary pursuits. You’ve endured my whiny musings on feeling low, sick, discouraged, and frustrated. You’ve nodded politely when I’ve gotten excited about some small victory or another, and through it all you’ve hung in there with me. You are warriors.

You tune in hoping for some news of progress, some positive report from the front line, but I offer you little. A scrap here, a morsel there. Still, you support me. You forgive me my sins. You remind me that I’m only human, after all. You offer your hugs and support and encouragement and laughter. You open your worlds to me, and what do I give you in return?

Hopefully you know that I give you a piece of myself. I write from the heart (how disgustingly cliche, I’m sorry). I don’t sugar coat, and I don’t worry much about hurt feelings. I do, but not in my writing, because I’m generally a pretty open-minded nice person. I’m not likely to say anything cutting or mean, so I don’t worry about censoring myself, after all, I know I’m not going to yell at you. I’m far more likely to yell at me.

I try to give you something to think about, or smile at. I try to stay positive and upbeat and focus on the good things in life. I try to offer my observations and experiences in a way that’s interesting or thought provoking. I’m not trying to tell anyone who to be or what to think, but I’m allowing you all a glimpse of who I am and what I think. That doesn’t sound like a significant contribution to the good of humankind, but right now it’s what I’ve got to offer, take it or leave it.

This was supposed to be the year of loving myself enough to do all that I needed to make my life as wonderful as possible. I’ve done a lot of positive things, but I have so much more to do. It’s a little like getting my house ready to sell. I want to fixate on tiny inconsequential things at the expense of the obvious. In terms of the house it’s simple, CLEAN UP. In terms of my life it’s simple too, LOSE WEIGHT.

I think I can lose 50 pounds in 5 months. That’s sane and safe and would go a long way toward improving my health and life. There, I’ve written it. That makes it real.

100Calorie_Carrots_KHB_2359I’m cleaning up and resisting the temptation to do silly things like rearrange drawers. I’m also committing to eating better and moving more. That’s about as much as I can handle right now. I did go to the grocery store and purchase some delicious mandarins, salad, yogurt, carrots, hummus, orange juice, and water to wash it all down.

I also purchased some light beer. Hey, it’s the Super Bowl, and the sweetheart is in the kitchen cooking his yearly pot of gourmet chili. I better take my walk before the festivities begin. Besides, the 3rd isn’t until tomorrow.

Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the grown up son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

11 thoughts on “Recommitment or Let’s Try This Again

  1. Good for recommitment! I am there with you after an especially bad week. I declared Friday the official New Year(since it was Lunar New Year) and wrote off all of January. Today was a new start…again!

  2. BB, since I know you like straight talk, I’m going to give it to you straight. This will only happen when you give it the priority it deserves. I know you are capable because you committed to NaNoWriMo and NaNoBloMo — two things that took TREMENDOUS time, commitment, focus. You PRIORITIZED on those things and you made them happen.

    Moving towards better health will also take focus, time and commitment. It will not be easy. It will not be fun. But it will be worth it.

    I believe you can. But it doesn’t matter what I think. The only determining factor to your success in this is whether or not you’ll prioritize on making the life changes you need to make. So, will you make this a priority?

    Here and ready to cheer you on every step of the way.

    xoxo nancy

  3. I looked at your 47 list recently and I was pretty impressed with how many of them you had accomplished!

    I spent 12 years in Weight Watchers and ended up 50 pounds heavier at the end of that time than the day I walked in, so I know what it’s like to feel demoralized. I also dieted and binged for 25 years straight.

    I’ve been in a 12 step program for eating now for over 13 years and it has brought me some of my greatest joy. I was so relieved the day I walked into my first meeting and heard the term “compulsive overeater!”

    This might not be you; you might still be able to diet. But if you can’t, there’s a place to go. 🙂

    • Linda, thank you for sharing your story (of course you’re a wonderful story teller, so I suppose it’s only natural). I’m not sure where I’ll end up or how I’ll get there, but I like to keep an open mind.

      Weight Watchers and I have had an on again, off again affair for over a decade. Sometimes I love it, sometimes it frustrates me or annoys me. They do know how to part your from your money, don’t they?

      I think I’m going to try the eat better, eat less, move more plan again. My sweetie is suggesting we do a bunch of juicing, but I can’t see myself choking that horrible stuff down.

      One day at a time. That’s how I plan to face it. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to weigh in on the issue. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. 🙂

  4. I agree with you about juicing, Heidi! I could totally juice, but only if everything tasted like fruit drinks/milk shakes and then I’d gain weight!

    Also, it might have been your weight and a desire for a smaller body that started you blogging, but look at all the things that have happened with your writing since you started!

    • I’m with you on the fruit and shake thing. I’ll take a pass on spinach and kale.

      And you’re right, a lot of good things have happened, and continue to happen. Thanks for reminding me.


  5. This post brought tears to my eyes, mostly because it spoke to me on a level on which I really needed to be spoken to today (grammatical awkwardness notwithstanding, I stand by that sentence!). This post could have described my life, truly … making a commitment only to backslide when something else comes up, or to move forward slowly and feel the inching progress as defeat. I think the important thing is to recommit. After all, anyone who accomplishes a goal has recommitted over and over again, not just once or twice. Maybe the trick is to get better at recommitting, till we can do it with our eyes closed ten, twenty, thirty times a day.

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