Not bad for a fat girl


If Only I Would Listen to Myself

One of the beautiful things about having a blog is that you have a record of where you’ve been what you’ve been thinking about. I know where I am now, and honesty, I’m not exactly thrilled about this place. I’m not entirely certain how I got here or why I’m here, but regardless, here I am.

I’m at a place where I know I need to get my butt in gear (again) and overcome inertia. It’s a familiar place, and in some ways it’s comfortable, but it’s unproductive, and I know it. So what to do?

Well, for one thing I just managed to give myself a quick little motivational pep talk (is that redundant? I don’t care.) by simply reading some old posts. mn016WordPress does this brilliant thing where they take the content of a post and guess at some other posts that might be related. Today, as I was making an edit to yesterday’s post about my physical, I not only noticed the linked articles, but I clicked on one. I’m glad I did.

It took me to a post I wrote when I was in a similar situation to the one I’m in now. I was dealing with all time highs on my medical chart and a feeling of being overwhelmed. Some old, same old, right? Except that I had some good advice for myself. I came to the conclusion that I should treat myself at least as well as I treat my friends. I don’t beat them up for their mistakes. I don’t love them less if they’ve gained a few pounds or missed a couple of doses of medication. I love them anyway, and I support them. I can do that for myself too. I need to. And so do you. We need to be our own best cheerleaders, focusing on the positives and bolstering ourselves up when the going gets tough. Cheerleaders don’t quit when their teams are down, they redouble their efforts to encourage them. Let’s do that for ourselves and each other. Are you ready? Go Team!


Recommitment or Let’s Try This Again

impossibleTomorrow is February 3. That means that in five months it will be my birthday. The day that will end the 47 for 47 Challenge year. On that day I will have either met my goals or not. I don’t anticipate sitting at the computer on my birthday studying the list, alternately congratulating myself and beating myself up, although I suppose that could happen. Just knowing that the list is there for all to see and wonder at is pretty powerful motivation to get going on some of those items.

The whole reason I began blogging was for me to spout off about how wonderful I am (or not) and how great a job I was doing taking care of myself (or not). Sadly, it’s been more of the not, but happily, the blog has grown beyond that original seed of an idea, so even with my many screw ups there’s still something interesting to read from time to time. There must be. People keep coming back, and new readers find me and follow BulgingButtons every day. How amazing is that?

But I digress. It’s a talent of mine. Not digression per se, but procrastination. I’m taking the long way around telling you that I’m ready to get back up on that horse. I’m ready to eat my fruits and veggies and do my exercise. I’m ready to drink my water and hold myself accountable. I’m ready to try again.

quoteI know, you’ve heard it all before. You are patient, bearing with me all this time. You’ve listened to me wax poetic about delicious meals and sedentary pursuits. You’ve endured my whiny musings on feeling low, sick, discouraged, and frustrated. You’ve nodded politely when I’ve gotten excited about some small victory or another, and through it all you’ve hung in there with me. You are warriors.

You tune in hoping for some news of progress, some positive report from the front line, but I offer you little. A scrap here, a morsel there. Still, you support me. You forgive me my sins. You remind me that I’m only human, after all. You offer your hugs and support and encouragement and laughter. You open your worlds to me, and what do I give you in return?

Hopefully you know that I give you a piece of myself. I write from the heart (how disgustingly cliche, I’m sorry). I don’t sugar coat, and I don’t worry much about hurt feelings. I do, but not in my writing, because I’m generally a pretty open-minded nice person. I’m not likely to say anything cutting or mean, so I don’t worry about censoring myself, after all, I know I’m not going to yell at you. I’m far more likely to yell at me.

I try to give you something to think about, or smile at. I try to stay positive and upbeat and focus on the good things in life. I try to offer my observations and experiences in a way that’s interesting or thought provoking. I’m not trying to tell anyone who to be or what to think, but I’m allowing you all a glimpse of who I am and what I think. That doesn’t sound like a significant contribution to the good of humankind, but right now it’s what I’ve got to offer, take it or leave it.

This was supposed to be the year of loving myself enough to do all that I needed to make my life as wonderful as possible. I’ve done a lot of positive things, but I have so much more to do. It’s a little like getting my house ready to sell. I want to fixate on tiny inconsequential things at the expense of the obvious. In terms of the house it’s simple, CLEAN UP. In terms of my life it’s simple too, LOSE WEIGHT.

I think I can lose 50 pounds in 5 months. That’s sane and safe and would go a long way toward improving my health and life. There, I’ve written it. That makes it real.

100Calorie_Carrots_KHB_2359I’m cleaning up and resisting the temptation to do silly things like rearrange drawers. I’m also committing to eating better and moving more. That’s about as much as I can handle right now. I did go to the grocery store and purchase some delicious mandarins, salad, yogurt, carrots, hummus, orange juice, and water to wash it all down.

I also purchased some light beer. Hey, it’s the Super Bowl, and the sweetheart is in the kitchen cooking his yearly pot of gourmet chili. I better take my walk before the festivities begin. Besides, the 3rd isn’t until tomorrow.


Suck it up and JUMP! – Courage in the Face of Fear

My friend Jessie jumped out of a plane. She did it on purpose, and she loved it. I had the extreme pleasure of hearing her retell her experience, with vivid detail. She is an extraordinary story teller. I know other people who have jumped out of planes. On purpose. I’ve never understood what compels them to do this. I’m a chicken. A fraidy cat. A wuss. Whatever. I don’t jump out of airplanes. At least I never have before, and I honestly don’t anticipate partaking in that particular activity any time in the future, but you just never know.

Here’s the thing about Jessie’s story that really made me stop and think: she was scared, really scared, but she did it. Not only did she do it, but she put on a brave face (for the handsome photographer that she was paying to capture the event) and then she actually enjoyed it. Loved it, in fact. Hmmmm. Maybe there’s something to this. Let me see if I’ve got this:

Rock Star Jessie

Rock Star Jessie

1. Set a big, but attainable goal

2. Alert the media (ok, friends and other supporters)

3. Show up

4. Allow yourself to be scared

5. Do it anyway

6. Smile big

7. Enjoy the experience

There is definitely a life lesson here. I’ve got some big goals, many of them are posted on the 47 for 47 challenge page.  I’m alerting the media (via this blog and other outlets) and I’m showing up. I’m frequently scared (sometimes of failure, but also of success), but I’m putting on my smile, and mustering through it.  I just need to learn to enjoy the experience. I’m still not jumping out of any planes, though. At least not on purpose.