Not bad for a fat girl

Nobody Looks at the Fat Chick Anyway


suitcaseI’m going out of town, to a family event. There are religious services involved, and at least two family celebrations. It’s back east, where the weather is colder and the events tend to be more formal. I just packed.

The last family event was my niece’s Bat Mitzvah, four months ago. It was summertime, so it wasn’t quite as dressy as an autumn event, but the daytime portion of the program was still a dress up affair. The evening party was advertised as casual, but really nobody wore what I would consider to be truly casual clothes. I wore a cute skirt and top, and was very comfortable with my choice. I didn’t even cringe when I saw the pictures the photographer snapped of me.

This weekend, however, is a different story. First of all, I don’t have a huge dress up wardrobe. A simple dress is about as dressy as I usually get, plus I have a couple of skirts and jackets that occasionally get pressed into service. Secondly, I’m currently the size of a small nation. I’ve gained weight since the last family event, and I’m dreading seeing my mother and hearing whatever “loving” comments she’ll make about it. I feel like a blob, and I feel like nothing fits me. I caught sight of my reflection in the window the other night eating dinner, and frankly I was taken aback. I’m huge. In fact, I’m terrified that when I board the plane in a few hours I’ll have to request a seatbelt extender for the first time in my life.

As I faced the empty suitcase I sucked in a breath and dove in. I mentally rehearsed several outfits, and even tried on a few blouses that I thought were iffy. Finally it dawned on me that nobody expects the fat chick to look good anyway, so why was I making myself crazy over this?

C’mon, you know it’s true. If you’re a big fat person like me, that’s all people really see. They don’t care that you’re dressed well or poorly, unless you’re off the charts on either end of the spectrum. Since I’m not going out shopping with a stylist (but wouldn’t that be great? My own personal episode of What Not to Wear!) and I’m not planning on turning into a hobo between now and my flight time, I have to be satisfied with what I have.

No, I won’t be the best dressed woman there, but I won’t be the worst dressed either, I’m sure. I put in some decent separates, and decided that I would make my final wardrobe decision just before each event. My family will be happy to see me for me, and the strangers in the room will only see the fat girl anyway, so it’s time to quit worrying.

Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the grown up son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

13 thoughts on “Nobody Looks at the Fat Chick Anyway

  1. Heidi… First of all, the good people do see you. They see a happy, loving person. The people who matter see nothing but WHO you are. This is why I love kids so much. In their mind, you are the prettiest person they know because they see your inside (minus kindergarten kids, they are just excited you’re having a baby- see Facebook yesterday). Your weight is a number… It’s not who you are.
    Second… When I hear from my mom about my weight my first thing I say is “let’s just get this out in the open.. I look in the mirror every day and I know I’m fat now that we’ve covered that, move on”. Stops her pretty quickly and takes that power away. And lucky you she lives far enough away it’s been a few months since the abuse… I mean loving comments. But honey, something I figured our recently is that no one has the power to make you feel bad but you. You’re an amazing person and you should know that… And that my friend is all that matters. Enjoy your trip!!!

  2. I always feel mystified about what to wear for events. My wardrobe includes loungewear (sweats etc.,) jeans and t-shirts, and a few dresses acquired over the years. Almost every “event” requires something NOT on that list. So I shoot for “appropriate,” the kind of thing that will make me invisible. As you say, not the best dressed nor worst dressed person in the room, not memorable in any way. I’m pretty comfortable with that.

    Hope you enjoy time with people who love you.

  3. You are one of my best friends in the entire world and it pains me to read this. I love you and miss you and don’t give a crap what you look like or what you’re wearing. Well, as long as you don’t do that flock of seagulls hair thing again. Chin up, Thelma!

  4. Reblogged this on habitsnquirks.

  5. Funny, I’ve had the same realization lately. I’m chubby, not huge, but I do look old. Gray hair, jowly face, definitely NOT one of those women who is aging gracefully. And you know what? I don’t actually care! Its very freeing, in a way. Plus its part of my NaNoWriMo story!
    Have fun, visit and enjoy time with your family. That’s what really matters anyway.

  6. I dressed up for a party yesterday and was okay with what I was wearing – until my BF came upstairs, looked at me and told me it was time to get dressed up for the party….
    Some things don’t get easier to hear.

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