Not bad for a fat girl

When an All Time High Feels Like an All Time Low


Yesterday I had the pleasure of visiting my doctor for my quarterly check-in. We get together regularly (honestly, it’s more like three times a year) to look over my latest labs and talk about all the lifestyle changes I need to make. It’s super fun.

Yesterday was a particularly fun visit. I just knew it would be, after all, I’d been under the weather for weeks on end, leaving me feeling lethargic and lazy. Exercise? Phooey. Fruits and veggies? Screw ’em. Even taking my daily medication got to be a chore that I started to ignore on a fairly regular basis.2073005_Broken-Piggy-Bank-Savings-Business-700

Not good.

SO not good.

The first sign of trouble was at the scale.

The digital readout displayed a number I had never before seen on a scale with my own eyes. Oh crap. Apparently the combination of zero exercise and seemingly unlimited amounts of sweets does not go unnoticed by that contraption. Go figure.

Then there was the blood pressure.


Yeah, I guess the medication does work best if you actually get it out of the bottle and into your body. It works even better if you don’t sabotage it at every turn.

Now mind you I still hadn’t seen the doctor, this was just the prep. The good news is that my doctor rocks. He is kind, compassionate, has a sense of humor, and isn’t all judgy (yes, I know the proper word is judgmental, but I like this one better). Still, he is my doctor and it’s his unenviable task to tell me what a horrible job I’m doing taking care of this one and only body that I have.

He did it nicely. He did it with numbers. The numbers on the scale, the numbers from the blood pressure cuff, the numbers from the labs. Yes, folks, some of my numbers have actually set new personal records (not ones I was aiming for, by the way).

So here we are again, only this time I’m starting from even further away from “healthy” than I’ve ever been. I don’t want to do this. I want to eat, drink, and be merry. I don’t want to think about vitamins and blood pressure and steps taken and reducing risks of heart disease and diabetes and cancer and blah, blah, blah whatever else. I don’t want any of that burden, but for better or for worse, it’s mine.

Oh boo hoo, poor little old me. I know, get over it. I got myself into this fix, so I have to get out of it. Besides, I don’t actually have diabetes or heart disease or cancer (my poor Dad, of blessed memory, had to contend with all three of those). What I do have is another whack in the face with the giant two by four of reality. The reality of the situation is that I’m doing myself a grave disservice by ignoring my health (pun intended, sorry). I need to snap out of it and take care of myself the way I deserve. So, on we go to attempt number 8,413, or, as I like to call it, time to crawl out of the gutter and climb onto the victors’ podium.


Author: BulgingButtons

I'm a middle aged woman doing the things that middle aged women do and trying not to beat myself up. I'm living the life I choose with the man I love, the grown up son who impresses me all the time, and the most adorable pup ever rescued from the euthanasia list. We live in the heat of the Southwest, where I regularly sweat through my Lane Bryant bras.

15 thoughts on “When an All Time High Feels Like an All Time Low

  1. You started the year great and got sidelined when you got sick, it seems to me. But you started the year great. You know you can do it. The question is, do you deserve it? I know the correct answer to that question. I hope you do, too.

    • Thanks for the perspective Melanie.

      • Not trying to beat you up, but one more comment on deserving it… If you think about who you deserve in your life, the people who are closest to you, you should have people who love you and care for you, who encourage and support you, who don’t call you names or insult you, who are tender with you. People who can remember you at your best and have only fuzzy memories of when you let them down. People who want you healthy and happy and capable for a long time, because they want you with them. People who don’t care how much you weigh or whether your clothes fit just right, but do care about your strength and endurance and overall health. You can be that for yourself, too. You deserve it.

  2. This used to be me. Then i changed my perspective. Instead of using sick time as sugar time, now I infuse my body with extra healthy foods so the sickness leaves me quicker. I have autoimmune disease so sugar’s the devil anyway but that used to not be enough. On any random Tuesday I know green tea and triple berry, spinach, pea protein smoothies are good for me and I consume them but now when I’m sick I reach for their immune boosting anti-oxidants to give my body the extra fuel it needs to fight better and faster. Just some food and beverage for thought 🙂

    • See, this makes so much sense in print, but in real life I just don’t follow through like you do. I understand about feeding my body what it needs, but my brain overrules and leads me toward what it wants instead. Invariably it’s something that causes more harm than good. Thanks for adding to the discussion. I admire your outlook and resolve!

  3. I am so neglectful of my health – full of good intentions – but figure I am right there with you at 8.413. Sending good vibes from old Cape Cod.

    • Maybe I shouldn’t say so, but it’s nice to be in such good company. Hopefully we both treat ourselves with care and kindness. Oh, and thanks for the good Cape Cod vibes, just thinking about that place makes me happy.

  4. Please please please take care of yourself! My situation may not be as grave as yours but I admit to days of not wanting to see another lettuce leaf ever or not being in the mood to get up early to jog or not feeling I should refuse that delicious slice of cheesecake – and there are many said days. So although I can sympathise, let’s admit we are only given one single solitary body to take care of – you can do it! Hugs!

  5. ::hugs:: Reality can sometimes be too easy to ignore.. You can do it… Your goals were so inspirational that I even jumped on board with a few.. I have faith you’ll be able to get to a healthier lifestyle!

  6. Hey! Get a Fitbit and join me at http://mindingmyownfitbitness.blogspot.com I’ve gone from somewhere between a stalactite and a sloth to being “active” in the past month. Having others to suffer along with has made it – dare I say it – FUN!
    Dr.s office scales are there for the sole purpose of scaring the kajeebers out of us and embarrassing us in front of the techs who weigh us in. I even floss twice before going in because you never know how much a food particle might weigh!

  7. You’ll become completely addicted to the party on your arm when you reach your step goals. Who knew the dreaded accountability would end up being my friend. (Me- that’s why I’ve avoided it at all costs!) Let me know if you decide to join us. I just got the basic flex. It’s simple like me.

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