Tomorrow is my first official day of work since summer vacation. Never mind that I spent the day at school today, in my 88 degree classroom (someone should be fixing that soon, I HOPE!). Tomorrow I actually get paid to be there. So why am I still up? It’s past midnight, I should be tucked away in my bed sound asleep.
Maybe it’s first day nerves, but I doubt it, those are reserved for next Monday, when the children show up.
Maybe it’s because there’s a new principal and I don’t quite know what to expect. Maybe, but he seems okay, and I’ve been through administration changes before, so I don’t think that’s quite it.
Maybe it’s because I’m not ready to give up on summer yet.
I think that’s the issue. I want it to be summer vacation for a little while longer. I want to have lazy days when I’m not expected to do anything or be anywhere. I want to sleep in and go swimming and read novels and eat ice cream for lunch if I feel like it. I want to be unstructured, untethered, and unsupervised. I want to be left to my own devices, for just a little while longer.
Is it selfish? Of course it is. Few people have the luxury of a several week long break from their jobs. I know it’s a great perk of the difficult career I’ve chosen.Still, I’m not ready to give it up yet.
I had an unusually busy summer, with three trips out of state and a two week writing camp thrown in. I also turned 50, came to grips with the idea of my son moving out (well, more or less), and spent time with him playing Pokemon Go! I have no regrets.
The books I was going to read are still unread. The recipes I was going to try still haven’t been made, and the room I was going to organize is still a mess. The decorations from May’s graduation party are still in the dining room, and the end-of-year gifts from students are still in their decorative bags, waiting to be put away. I suck.
But really, I don’t. I had a productive summer. I rested, I played, I taught, I learned. I read, I wrote, I traveled, I swam, I danced. I aged, I laughed, and I loved. It was enough, if you can ever really get enough of those things. Now that I think about it, maybe I am ready to go back. My heart feels a little fuller and my curiosity about my new group of students has been piqued. I think I’m okay now. I think my summer ended up being just perfect. I hope yours is too.
Oh goodness, I hardly know where to begin. So much has happened in the last several weeks that my mind is mushing it all together and the words aren’t forming themselves the way they’re supposed to.
BulgingButtons 