Tomorrow is my first official day of work since summer vacation. Never mind that I spent the day at school today, in my 88 degree classroom (someone should be fixing that soon, I HOPE!). Tomorrow I actually get paid to be there. So why am I still up? It’s past midnight, I should be tucked away in my bed sound asleep.

Maybe it’s first day nerves, but I doubt it, those are reserved for next Monday, when the children show up.

Maybe it’s because there’s a new principal and I don’t quite know what to expect. Maybe, but he seems okay, and I’ve been through administration changes before, so I don’t think that’s quite it.

Maybe it’s because I’m not ready to give up on summer yet.

I think that’s the issue. I want it to be summer vacation for a little while longer. I want to have lazy days when I’m not expected to do anything or be anywhere. I want to sleep in and go swimming and read novels and eat ice cream for lunch if I feel like it. I want to be unstructured, untethered, and unsupervised. I want to be left to my own devices, for just a little while longer.

Is it selfish? Of course it is. Few people have the luxury of a several week long break from their jobs. I know it’s a great perk of the difficult career I’ve chosen.Still, I’m not ready to give it up yet.

I had an unusually busy summer, with three trips out of state and a two week writing camp thrown in. I also turned 50, came to grips with the idea of my son moving out (well, more or less), and spent time with him playing Pokemon Go! I have no regrets.

The books I was going to read are still unread. The recipes I was going to try still haven’t been made, and the room I was going to organize is still a mess. The decorations from May’s graduation party are still in the dining room, and the end-of-year gifts from students are still in their decorative bags, waiting to be put away. I suck.

But really, I don’t. I had a productive summer. I rested, I played, I taught, I learned. I read, I wrote, I traveled, I swam, I danced. I aged, I laughed, and I loved. It was enough, if you can ever really get enough of those things. Now that I think about it, maybe I am ready to go back. My heart feels a little fuller and my curiosity about my new group of students has been piqued. I think I’m okay now. I think my summer ended up being just perfect. I hope yours is too.