I have some relatives in town. I’m so glad they’re here. I haven’t seen them in several months, and I’ve missed them. They aren’t staying with us so we’ve gotten together a few times, and we’ve gone out to eat. It’s been an adventure.

M: So, where should we go?

me: You know the area well, and what you can and can’t eat, so how about if you pick.

M: (to other relative, P) Where do you want to go?

P: It’s up to you, M.

M: Ok, we’ll go to X.

P: Oh, I don’t like that place, let’s go somewhere else.

(this goes on for a while until M and P agree on a place)

now we’re seated…

water is being poured into glasses

M: STOP! I need my water without ice.

startled water pourer: of course, I’ll be right back

M: Can we get some rolls?

M: With butter? (M does not eat butter)

P: You don’t need that. It’s just carbs.

me, in my brain (I like rolls, and butter, and no, I don’t need it either but I know this is going to take a while, so…)

M: Oh, did you see they have x? I wonder what comes on it?

P: I’m not that hungry.

server: Here are your rolls with butter. Do you have any questions?

me, in my brain (thank goodness the rolls are here, this may take a while)

P: I see you have 10 spiced fish, what are the 10 spices?

server: I’m not sure of all of them, but I can check. I know it has some a, b, and c in it. Do you want me to go check?

P: No, that’s okay. What’s in the soup? Is there bacon?

server: I’m not sure, I can check.

M: What about this fish dish? Are there bones in the fish? Is it spicy? Can I get a baked potato on the side? How much will it cost?

server: No bones, not spicy. Yes on the potato, I have to check on the price. Shall I check on the soup?

P: yes, please

more perusal of menu, more options discussed, starting to wonder what happened to server

server: Yes, there’s a little bit of bacon in the soup, and the baked potato costs X.

P: Oh.

M: asks a few more questions about fish and potatoes and butter and spices and dressing on the side

P: asks a few more questions about ingredients

server: (answers questions patiently) Shall I come back?

P: Yes.

time ticks away, server helps other diners, M is wondering why server is taking so long to come back

server: Are you ready to order?

M: I’ll have the abc, cooked well done but not burned, with the xyz on the side and instead of the c I’d like q, but not too much of it. And no butter.

me: I’ll have the number 3

P: I’ll have the lmnop salad with extra m and no o or p, but a little bit of z added. On the side.

server: very good

time ticks on and the order is prepared

food arrives

Someone makes a face at their meal.

M: well, this isn’t what I expected, but what can you do? I suppose it will be okay if I scrape off the q and add a little butter.

me, in my brain (I hope nobody spat in our food)