Not bad for a fat girl

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Dining Out With Relatives


I have some relatives in town. I’m so glad they’re here. I haven’t seen them in several months, and I’ve missed them. They aren’t staying with us so we’ve gotten together a few times, and we’ve gone out to eat. It’s been an adventure.

M: So, where should we go?

me: You know the area well, and what you can and can’t eat, so how about if you pick.

M: (to other relative, P) Where do you want to go?

P: It’s up to you, M.

M: Ok, we’ll go to X.

P: Oh, I don’t like that place, let’s go somewhere else.

(this goes on for a while until M and P agree on a place)

now we’re seated…

water is being poured into glasses

M: STOP! I need my water without ice.

startled water pourer: of course, I’ll be right back

M: Can we get some rolls?

M: With butter? (M does not eat butter)

P: You don’t need that. It’s just carbs.

me, in my brain (I like rolls, and butter, and no, I don’t need it either but I know this is going to take a while, so…)

M: Oh, did you see they have x? I wonder what comes on it?

P: I’m not that hungry.

server: Here are your rolls with butter. Do you have any questions?

me, in my brain (thank goodness the rolls are here, this may take a while)

P: I see you have 10 spiced fish, what are the 10 spices?

server: I’m not sure of all of them, but I can check. I know it has some a, b, and c in it. Do you want me to go check?

P: No, that’s okay. What’s in the soup? Is there bacon?

server: I’m not sure, I can check.

M: What about this fish dish? Are there bones in the fish? Is it spicy? Can I get a baked potato on the side? How much will it cost?

server: No bones, not spicy. Yes on the potato, I have to check on the price. Shall I check on the soup?

P: yes, please

more perusal of menu, more options discussed, starting to wonder what happened to server

server: Yes, there’s a little bit of bacon in the soup, and the baked potato costs X.

P: Oh.

M: asks a few more questions about fish and potatoes and butter and spices and dressing on the side

P: asks a few more questions about ingredients

server: (answers questions patiently) Shall I come back?

P: Yes.

time ticks away, server helps other diners, M is wondering why server is taking so long to come back

server: Are you ready to order?

M: I’ll have the abc, cooked well done but not burned, with the xyz on the side and instead of the c I’d like q, but not too much of it. And no butter.

me: I’ll have the number 3

P: I’ll have the lmnop salad with extra m and no o or p, but a little bit of z added. On the side.

server: very good

time ticks on and the order is prepared

food arrives

Someone makes a face at their meal.

M: well, this isn’t what I expected, but what can you do? I suppose it will be okay if I scrape off the q and add a little butter.

me, in my brain (I hope nobody spat in our food)





Who WAS the First Guy to Eat Lobster?

Lobster_whitetablecloth_442Last night my sweetheart took me out for an early birthday dinner date. We went to this funky old seafood restaurant and I indulged. Every few years I have lobster for my birthday dinner, and this was one of those years. No, it’s not exactly on my diet, but it’s been a stressful couple of weeks, I reasoned, so I deserved it. Crazy talk, I know, but I don’t care. It was delicious. It always is. But how would you know that?

How would anyone know that within that weird and somewhat scary exterior a delicious bounty resides? Who took a look at a lobster and said to himself (I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a woman), “hmmm, this looks tasty, think I’ll give it a try.” Who? Someone who was either an adventurer, or a lunatic, or on the brink of starvation. It doesn’t look like food, and it’s not exactly easily accessible without a rock or some other tool. It’s not like seals boil lobsters and eat them with drawn butter. Someone had to figure the whole thing out.

Whoever that guy is, I want to think him. As horrifying as I find the whole look of the lobster, I’m able to get past it as soon as the first sweet delicate morsel passes my lips.

I want to be like the guy who figured it out. I want to be able to see opportunities where other people see madness. I want to make a gourmet feast out of a weird and scary looking situation. I want to go beyond what is obvious and take it apart to reveal that which is magnificent. I want to be that explorer, that risk taker. I want to discover the next lobster dinner, but I don’t want to get food poisoning along the way.