BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Another Monday Do Over

id-like-do-overMonday again.

That means a new week, which in turn means a new start.

I get to start over with my students, and yet again tackle the daunting mountain of paperwork that their education seems to require. I get to laugh with them, lead them, and help them learn.

I get to start again with my colleagues, producing and sharing lessons so that all of our students can learn in ways that are meaningful and helpful to them. I get to explore different ways to share ideas with our students, and I have the opportunity to learn from the experts around me.

I get to start again with my family, sharing my life and my home with them with love and grace. I get to choose how I communicate with them, and what to focus on. I get to set the tone in my home.

I get to start again with my goals and dreams. Will I write this week? Will I sew? Will I make my home more beautiful? Will I lavish attention on my beloved dog? Where will the week take me?

I get to start over with myself. Will I care for myself this week? Will I nurture and love myself? Will I feed myself correctly and push myself to make good decisions, even if they aren’t my preferred choices?

I feel so fortunate that it’s Monday, and that I get a do-over. I hope I use it wisely.


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Things My Mother Says

doughnutMy mother says it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.

It’s a fact that there are many more poor men in the world than rich men.

My mother says that she does not eat doughnuts.

It’s a fact that round pastries with holes in the center and sweet sugar glaze are called doughnuts.

It’s a fact that my mother has eaten those pastries.

My mother says that she only eats what is good for her.

It’s a fact that there is chocolate in my mother’s house 100% of the time.

My mother says that she doesn’t understand why she can’t lose that last ten pounds.

It’s a fact that doughnuts and chocolate are high calorie, high fat foods.

It’s a fact that my mother doesn’t even need to lost ten pounds.


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Blurry Dreams

horses-in-fieldI’m in Europe somewhere, possibly Germany. The grass is impossibly tall, up to the horses’ eyes. There are wolves in pens with sheep. The wolves have black spots spray-painted on their sides. They are guardians. I walk up a path, past tiny cattle. One of the wolves walks up next to me, beside me, rubs against me, like a friendly dog. I try not to be afraid.

We arrive at a clearing. There is a large stage, and a patio table. My mother is at the table, saving seats. The light is dim, but a spotlight shines on the stage, only then it dips and shines on my mother. She is displeased. They fix the spotlight and continue with the somber event.

A curtain is drawn back. A portion of a bus, or is it a boat? is revealed, with an old man sitting, telling his story. Another old man joins him. The stories are sad. War stories. Stories of loss. I listen although part of me doesn’t want to hear.

A woman I know silently passes me a packet of her craft projects, small beaded items, along with their packaging. She wants me to package her wares as I listen. I can’t. My hands won’t work correctly while I am hearing these stories and watching my mother. I have to be in the moment. I look for the wolves but they are missing. I can only save myself.