BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Halloweens, Long Ago and Far Away


I really love Halloween. Not the scary stuff, but the fun stuff. The jack-o-lanterns and the dressing up and the trick-or-treating are all wonderful. I’ve always loved Halloween. As a kid with a big imagination and a sweet tooth, why wouldn’t I? I got to dress up and fill a bag full of candy from all over the neighborhood. What could be better?

I have no idea when I first started to dress up for Halloween. We don’t have pictures of Halloween past that I’m aware of. There are dozens of close up shots of flowers, but no little kids in costumes. Go figure. Still, I know I trick or treated as a kid.

The first costume I recall included one of those awful plastic masks that were hard to see out of and hard to breathe through. It was a woman’s face with blonde hair. I think it was Sleeping Beauty or Goldilocks, but I can’t be sure. Either seems like an odd choice for me, but I imagine it’s what was available at the store at the time.

My mother isn’t exactly what you’d call creative. My brother and I took care of our own costumes for the most part. I seem to recall that he was a hobo more than once. He did create a rather impressive robot out of odds and ends one year that left a lasting impression on me.

My costumes weren’t always the best, and honestly I don’t think the neighbors had any clue what I was dressed as half the time. That’s okay, since most of us had to wear our winter coats over our costumes anyway. I never had a great costume as a kid. Charlie Chaplin with his colored scotch tape mustache was kind of a bust. I didn’t give up though, not until the final year, in high school, when I pinned some ears on a grey sweatshirt and used eye pencil to draw on whiskers. DSC00553So lame, but at least I didn’t go alone!

When my son came along I swore his Halloweens would be memorable. For his first Halloween I sewed him the most adorable pumpkin costume, but it turned out way too big. At the last minute I put him in white pajamas and stuck on a cute little puppy bib and called it done. He was darling.

At two he wore the pumpkin costume, and it was perfect! When he was three I sewed him a lion costume that was equally charming. I practically swooned when I saw him in it. Then, at four, he decided that he had to be Batman. A small part of me died inside, but he was happy.

At five he “spotted” a cute leopard costume, and I had to admit that I couldn’t have made it myself for the same price, so it was store bought again. Then there was a Power Ranger costume, and a Ninja, and who knows what else, until he decided to put together his own costumes.

One year it was Darth Mullett… a hillbilly version of the terrifying Darth Maul from one of the newer Star Wars movies that I don’t like. DSC01972He donned red and black face paint and a wig, and he looked pretty bizarro. He was happy. Another year he was a creepy pumpkin patch guy. He made a pumpkin mask, then borrowed a fall leaf garland that he wrapped around himself. He looked pretty awesome.

My son is too old to trick or treat now, and Halloween has lost some of its magic for him, but I still love it. I enjoy being outside and watching the neighborhood come to life. I love to see the little ones experience it for the first time, and to joke around with the teenagers who are trying to stuff their pillowcases with free candy and hang on to their childhoods.

I think back to all those freezing cold Halloween nights from my childhood, and I wouldn’t change a thing.


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Ten Tiny Steps to Clutter Control

We moved into our house two and a half months ago. I used to be able to make that statement in weeks, but like the mother who claims that her little one is 42 months old, I need to face reality and admit that some time has passed since the blessed event.

At this point, it’s no longer ok to be surrounded by clutter and partially unpacked items. It’s time to finish the job of settling in. After all, one can’t decorate a mess, and a slew of holidays are right around the corner. 9155Jack-o-lanterns on top of piles of paper are more annoying than decorative, and I’m not about to drape lights over half empty boxes in the living room. I just don’t think that would impart the holiday ambiance that I’m going for.

In order to make headway on this daunting task I’ve decided to tackle the mess one tiny bite at a time. This morning it was my bathroom vanity. I’m telling myself that if I just take care of 10 items I’m making progress, and it’s true. Slow progress, but still progress. Besides, I usually go beyond 10.

The sad thing is, there’s no place in this house that feels “done.” Every room needs work. Every surface has stuff on it. Every closet feels full. Every box that’s still around has stuff in it. I don’t feel like there’s a single serene spot in my house. Oh, and the indoor temperature has been hovering around 85 degrees since the air conditioner went out a few days ago. It just doesn’t feel comfortable to be home. I need to change that.

Fortunately the ac guy is coming tomorrow, and the family room isn’t TOO bad. I think I’ll head there next. My work in the bathroom this morning was quick and yielded good results. After all, it’s not hard to throw out three items, place two in the hamper, one in the medicine cabinet, and four under the sink. I can do that. If I just keep doing that, the house will be put together in no time.

Hmm, maybe there’s a lesson here. A lesson about health and diet and exercise and weight loss. Maybe I don’t have to do it all at one time. Maybe I can make tiny changes to help move me in the right direction. Of course I know this to be true, but it’s difficult to resist the Halloween candy. I swear I’ve only eaten four pieces of it, and they’re the really small ones. Maybe I should put the bowl in the freezer? Out of sight, out of mind? Except that it’s in a weird place now and I have no trouble remembering where it is. Still, I’m not a big fan of frozen candy.

Now I’m off to the tackle the coffee table. It’s not too bad, which is good, since it’s a work day. Wish me luck as I try to move forward ten tiny steps at a time.


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Why Being Fat Sucks – Round Two

Seriously, it’s no fun. Here’s the next installment in the being fat sucks series (see part one here).

 

1. Socks dig into your legs.

2. Your bra side panels sometimes get sucked into the caverns created by your back fat.

3. You have to strategically plan your path through a crowded room.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

4. You bump into every single person along the aisle of the airplane as you walk by.

5. What looks cute on your friends looks absurd on you.

6. Getting out of bed is literally the first challenge of the day.

7. You learn to avoid mirrors, thus failing to notice spinach in your teeth and other ugly details.

8. Your seatbelt never sits quite right so you’re always adjusting it.

9. You worry about riding in other people’s cars, also because of the seatbelt issue.

10. Zip-lining? Forget it.

11. You actually read the weight limits on ladders before you step on them.

12. You avoid folding chairs like the plague (and keep your own super duty chair in the car, just in case).

13. You imagine you would kill the poor mule if you were to sign up for the mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

14. Your feet hurt.

15. You get winded far too quickly.

16. You avoid being in pictures, even of events that you want to remember. When you are in pictures, you dislike what you see.

17. Clothes generally either feel tight or sloppy.

18. Even purse straps seem too small.

19. You feel like servers judge your order in restaurants.

20. The sides of chairs leave marks in your legs when you get up.