BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl

Category Archives: Health


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But What Is My Body Saying?

This eat the right thing and get enough sleep and make sure to move my body thing just hasn’t been working out recently. I could give you all the reasons, but honestly, it will just sound like a list of excuses, so I’ll spare you the details and just skip it.

This, of course, has been an ongoing battle for me. Sometimes things click and I do well, and other times I slip into my old bad habits and any progress toward improving my health habits quickly disappears. It’s frustrating, especially since it’s purely my choices that derail me.

I had a conversation the other night with a yoga instructor about some of these struggles (as we were enjoying our cocktails and hors d’oevres). She has worked with all sorts of people over the years, with all sorts of body types and issues. She is also human, as has had her own struggles over the years. She has changed her diet more than once, and her advice to me was, “listen to your body.”

It sounded like good advice. Our bodies, after all, are incredible. They do so much for us, and they constantly make tiny adjustments without us even thinking about it. The whole keeping the heart beating and keeping the lungs breathing routine is awe-inspiring. The body is no dummy, so it makes sense to try to listen to it. I’m okay with this idea. In fact, I kind of like the thought.

The problem, however, is that my body and I don’t seem to speak the same language. I have no idea what it’s saying much of the time. I confuse fatigue with hunger, and I often allow myself to get to the point where I’m completely parched, or the opposite, my bladder feels as though it might explode. How come I don’t take care of these things earlier? I just don’t really seem to notice or understand the signals that my body gives. Either that, or my body gives me the wrong signals.

That was certainly the case during my pregnancy. I didn’t even know I was pregnant for five months. Yes, you read that correctly. And no, I’m not a hillbilly, I took Human Growth and Development in school. It’s just that my body didn’t react the way that most bodies do. As in, I didn’t know I was pregnant because I was bleeding every month. TMI? Sorry, but it’s true. By the time I knew I was pregnant at all it was late December, and by the time I found out my real due date (at my first appointment with an actual MD), it was the last day of February! My boy was born, full term, on April 1. Fitting, don’t you think?

So that’s a brief history of the lack of communication between my body and me. Yes, I will try to listen a little bit closer, but jeez, it doesn’t always work!


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3 Lessons From Broken Resolutions

So I set out these June Resolutions for myself. They were simple, really. You can read more about them here, but in a nutshell I was going to move more and be creative. Yeah, well, guess what? It’s not even half-way through the month and I’m already a long way from achieving this goal.

Lesson one: Goals to do something everyday suck are largely ineffective, because the first time you don’t do it there’s no way to redeem yourself, and little motivation to continue, since you’ve already messed up.

Lesson two: creativity can’t be mandated. Actions can be mandated, such as writing 1,000 words per day or sewing for one hour per day, but there’s no guarantee that the work you’re producing is any good. Of course it’s better than producing no work, and logically the more you do, the better you get, and the more idea will start coming to you. Still, it’s not a sure-fire way to create something jaw-dropping.

Lesson three: I don’t want to eat well right now. I just don’t. And a stupid little goal isn’t going to change that. I’m stubborn, and my brain will do what it wants to do, regardless of some little charade I’m trying to pull off. I can see right through myself.

Bonus Lesson: My resolve is currently weak. That doesn’t mean it always is, or always will be, but right now resolutions are not for me.

 

 


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Have You Ever Had the Flu?

sick-in-bed.jpgI figured I had, but now I’m not so sure. This may actually be the first time in my life that I have the real, live, actual, bona fide flu. F.L.U. Influenza, baby, that’s what I’m talking about, and it’s not pretty.

It all started last weekend, my sweetie wasn’t feeling well, and he spent all day Saturday sleeping. All day. Kind of weird, but ok. Then he spent all day Sunday sleeping too. Okay, that was odd. I picked up the kid from his father’s place and headed off to my mom’s for a visit with out of town family. YAY!

We had dinner reservations at 7:30. Nobody told me that. We arrived there at 5:30. Just in time for a nice visit while we waiting for everyone to change out of swimsuits and into dinner clothes. But for some reason time seemed to be dragging. And no, I wasn’t hungry, and no, neither was son. In fact, I was feeling kind of off. And hot. And so was he.

Out came the thermometer, and son clocked in at 100.2 (he very rarely runs a temp, even when he was little and had ear infections all the time he wouldn’t have a fever). When it was my turn I registered 102. OY.

We said our goodbyes and headed out. I dropped son off at his dad’s, then off to bed for me, hopeful that I could sleep it off. At 3 am I could tell it wasn’t going to simply pass, and I called in for a sub. I went in to work at around 6 to set up, only to find out that there would be no sub that day. Son’s father called him in sick to school and reminded me that he was going out of town. Oh yeah.

I made a doctor’s appointment, and got the official diagnosis. On the way out I asked if they could squeeze son in later in the day. They did, and he received his official diagnosis too. Do you know how much Tamilflu costs? Over $100, and that’s with insurance. Oh, and it took visits to separate pharmacies to fill those prescriptions, because apparently I got the last dose at one pharmacy. Then there’s the cough medicine with codeine, which had to be filled later. Five pharmacy trips (to 3 pharmacies) and 2 doctor’s visits later, we finally made it home and crashed. Ah, blissful slumber. Sweetheart was already there, sleeping.

On Tuesday I made a valiant effort to go to work, after all, there was some state testing that needed to be administered. I was too sick to be there, that much was clear to everyone but me. I was more or less escorted out of the building and told not to return the following day. I didn’t. I missed the state capitol field trip. The one where the protestors overran the capitol museum where 100 of our students were touring. Wow. I did make it to school on Thursday, and lasted all day (barely), but yesterday was a day off, one which I needed. I’m still sick. My kid is still sick, and my sweetheart is still sick.

And in case you were wondering, yes, I got my flu shot this year.

This illness is soul-sucking. It is life draining. It is energy zapping. It takes the shine out of your eyes, the smile off of your face, and the joy out of your heart. It makes you hack and wheeze and sniffle and sneeze and belch and fart and sleep and sleep and sleep. It makes you want to curl up in a ball, but you can’t because you’re too hot, so then you stretch out, but then you’re freezing. It makes you want to be a different species. One that doesn’t get flu. Ever. It makes the life of an insect seem momentarily appealing.

I hope you don’t have the flu. I hope you don’t get it. Ever. I hope I don’t get it again. Ever. Ever.