BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Spring Renewal

Mixed-Color-TulipsToday being Easter I can’t help but think of renewal. I’m not a Christian, but I do understand the significance of this day, and of the concept of resurrection. I find the idea that people can get another chance, even after death, uplifting- as do countless believers. While I’m not in the running for an eternal heavenly placement, I would like yet another chance here on earth.

I’m taking this opportunity to do some spring cleaning of various sorts. First there’s the bodily spring cleaning that needs to be done. Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting with my doctor to review some lab reports. They were standard, nothing too worrisome, yet once again they pointed out that I’m stressing my body in ways that it doesn’t like.

Diet and exerciseFewer calories, more exercise. Fewer sweets, more fruits and vegetables. Fewer stressors and more physical activities. I know all of this, and yet, here I am again, back where I began. Don’t believe me? Check out the 47 for 47 page that appeared last July. My progress has been poor, but I’m going to print out another check sheet and see if I can’t turn things around. I know my cheerleaders are here to help me, as always.

Another clean up project involves the blog. Not cleaning up, exactly, but straightening up. I almost deleted the projects page, until I realized that I still have projects to share, they’re just different than I originally anticipated.  I’ve also included a Best of BB page so you can quickly find posts that others have found noteworthy. I do appreciate shares and reblogs, as long as you link back here, so by all means have at it.

Finally there’s the house. The blasted, blessed house. I’ve been working on cleaning and staging it so I can sell it at last. Today we did some landscaping touch ups, and it looks quite lovely, if I do say so myself. Yesterday we took another walk though one that I quite like, even if it does need some TLC. C’mon house, SELL!

So, in the spirit of new life, new growth, and renewal in general, I wish you a happy spring, and a season of joy and love.

 


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Fighting Discouragement

If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

We’ve all heard this bit of advice at one time or another, and in general it seems to work out pretty well most of the time. In fact it’s the general principle I’ve been following lately in terms of blog writing.

It isn’t that I don’t have anything nice to say. There are nice things that happen every day and I could spend a few minutes sharing them with you and spreading good feelings across the internet, but I don’t. I’m far too distracted right now.

I want to be positive. I like to think I’m generally a positive person. My outlook on life isn’t grim. I see the silver lining inside most clouds, and I try not to let the bastards get me down. My dad taught me that one. It’s just that I’ve been fighting discouragement lately.

I try to shut out the negative messages that creep into my brain, and for the most part, I’m pretty good at it. So good, in fact, that I manage to sabotage my efforts at self care on a pretty regular basis. Those conversations can go something like this:blaircandy_2090_453670552

“Jeez, you’re really lazy and blowing up like a balloon.”

“Shut up and pass the Cadbury mini-eggs.”

“Okay.”

Not too productive, right? Lately though, the inner critic is being pretty persistent, and, in my opinion, quite reasonable. Damn her. Now she’s saying things like this:

“The house has been on the market a little too long. There’s a construction site across the street. Maybe you’re priced a little too high.”

She’s right, of course.

CoronakitchenA

This is not my actual display. I don’t have leaves or fake food in mine.

I tried shutting her up by telling her that if I just put some nice hand towels in the bathrooms the house would sell right away. It didn’t. Then I told her that the bright new pillows on the couch would work. They didn’t. After that it was the artful display consisting of a Williams Sonoma cookbook strategically placed on the counter along with a few pie making supplies (I swear, it looks better than it sounds). Nope.

It’s not the house. It’s not the staging. It’s the damn construction. I can’t do a thing about it, and it’s making me discouraged. There, I said it.

I could take the house off the market, wait until the building is done, and start all over again after the weather cools off a bit (I don’t want to move in 100 degree plus heat if I can avoid it). Or I could wait until the building is done, then decide if I really want to move at all. I honestly don’t want to do either of these options.

I want to sell this house. I have loved it, but now I’m ready for a change. I’ve found a house in the neighborhood I like, and I’m ready to go. All I need to do is sell this one. It’s clean, it’s ready to go, but nobody can see past that construction. There’s only one thing left to do. Tonight I did it. The price is coming down again.

Somebody with a little foresight is going to get a great deal on a great house. It will not face a construction zone forever. It will face a gated community of single story dwellings. It won’t be awful. It will be brand new, and nicely landscaped. Somebody will enjoy it very much. Until then, I have to remain positive. Positive that this week that somebody will make me an offer I can’t refuse.


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My Buttons Are Still Bulging

b5b8a726fa0ece911dd398f8ec771afdIt occurs to me that this blog, which started off so hopeful and energetic, is taking a turn for the suck-ish. Sure, there are lots of you who read every post (or nearly every) and very often you leave helpful, encouraging feedback. I love you for it more than you will every know. But honestly, I’m afraid that lately I’m not giving you what you came for.

Bulging Buttons, the blog. I liked the sound of it. It neatly summed up my physical state in a way that was realistic, but not too harsh or judgmental. I started off strong. I was eating well (sometimes), working out (sometimes), and writing a lot. I had plans… big plans. Forty-seven of them, to be precise. I was going to get fit, dammit, and take you all along for the ride. Woo Hoo! Great plan right? Except it hasn’t happened.

As usual, life got in the way of my big plans. No, I’m not going to offer up lots of excuses. I really don’t have any. Nothing horrible has happened in my life over the past several months. In fact, it’s been rather fabulous. I’m enjoying my work, my relationship is great, and life in general is pretty darn good. Okay, so the house hasn’t sold as quickly as I might have liked, but really I’m ok. Considering that’s the biggest stress in my life, I’m doing just fine.

Now here comes the shocker. I’m still fat. Fatter than when I started the blog. My sneakers haven’t worn out, my jeans are tighter than ever, and my eating habits are once again horrific. I know better. I know that I’ll sleep better, I’ll look better, and I’ll feel better if I can just shake myself off and get going again. I know I’ll be a better role model and have more energy. I know I’ll like the way I look in the mirror better and I’ll dread going to the doctor less. I know, I know, I know. I also know that I’ll have more to write about for the folks who found encouragement in what I was doing right, back when I was doing it.

So here I go again, publicly declaring that I wish to improve my overall health and fitness through diet and exercise. UGH. I wish this was easy, but it isn’t. The beautiful thing is, I know I’m not alone, and I know you’re here to help cheer me on, not matter how badly I fail.