BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Why Being Fat Sucks – Round Two

Seriously, it’s no fun. Here’s the next installment in the being fat sucks series (see part one here).

 

1. Socks dig into your legs.

2. Your bra side panels sometimes get sucked into the caverns created by your back fat.

3. You have to strategically plan your path through a crowded room.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

4. You bump into every single person along the aisle of the airplane as you walk by.

5. What looks cute on your friends looks absurd on you.

6. Getting out of bed is literally the first challenge of the day.

7. You learn to avoid mirrors, thus failing to notice spinach in your teeth and other ugly details.

8. Your seatbelt never sits quite right so you’re always adjusting it.

9. You worry about riding in other people’s cars, also because of the seatbelt issue.

10. Zip-lining? Forget it.

11. You actually read the weight limits on ladders before you step on them.

12. You avoid folding chairs like the plague (and keep your own super duty chair in the car, just in case).

13. You imagine you would kill the poor mule if you were to sign up for the mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

14. Your feet hurt.

15. You get winded far too quickly.

16. You avoid being in pictures, even of events that you want to remember. When you are in pictures, you dislike what you see.

17. Clothes generally either feel tight or sloppy.

18. Even purse straps seem too small.

19. You feel like servers judge your order in restaurants.

20. The sides of chairs leave marks in your legs when you get up.


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A Fat Fighting Fork?

specs-5forks

Image from the HAPIfork website

Straight from the, “I never saw that coming,” file- let me introduce you to the HAPIfork. You’ve never seen anything quite like it.

It’s an eating utensil!

No! It’s a data input device!!

No!!  It’s a behavior modification tool!!!

Truth be told, I think it’s all of those things. It’s almost like a fork with a brain and an attitude, on a mission to save the world from fatties like me (and maybe you too).

From what I gathered from my quick visit to their website, this thing is designed to make you a amore mindful eater. If you eat too fast, you’re gonna get it. Get what? Some sort of response from the fork. The website makes it sound like it’ll vibrate or something, but what I’m imagining is a zap to the tongue.

Now let me put in the disclaimer that I haven’t used this fork (at around a hundred dollars I have no plans to, either) so I don’t know exactly what kind of feedback it gives, but clearly it does something. The only thing I want my fork to do is get food from my plate to my mouth in a reasonably efficient manner.

Can you imagine life with this fork?

1. Set the table with your HAPIfork (which resembles an overgrown toddler utensil).

2. Eat carefully, trying not to piss off the fork so as not to incur its wrath.

3. Disassemble said fork for cleaning.

4. Take the “brains” portion of the fork to the computer to download data.

5. Reassemble the fork so it’s ready for the next time you want to play fork roulette.

No thanks. I’m perfectly capable of showering myself with guilt, should I choose. I don’t need an expensive, inconvenient utensil to do it for me.


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How Do You Move?

exercise-clipartI want some new activities to get me moving, not that my old ones are stale or anything, but I want to mix things up a bit. What movement activities do you most enjoy? Please weigh in with your vote. I would love to hear more in the comments. Thanks!