BulgingButtons

April 9, 2015
by BulgingButtons 3 Comments

Throwback Thursday – State Testing Edition

source unkown

My little fourth graders are doing their state assessment this week. I don’t want to get into too much detail about it, but needless to say I have some strong opinions about what they’re being asked to do. Long story short, the munchkins are working hard and I’m proud of them. Enough said.

So, this week of standardized testing made me flashback to some of my own testing experiences over the years, stretching all the way back to the second grade. That one was a doozy. We were doing some inane multiple choice fill in the bubble test and it was a BIG DEAL. Such a big deal that our desks were scattered all over the room, I guess to prevent us from cheating. Anyway, I finished early (which would become a pattern) and was sitting quietly waiting for the time to be called. I happened to have a tissue, and I folded it neatly into the shape of an envelope on my desk. I was feeling pretty clever. Alas, the student teacher (I will never forget her name, she scarred me) swooped down and grabbed my precious tissue envelope and threw it away, giving me a mean look. What? Did I skew the results of the test with that tissue? Wow.

My next big test memory occurred in my freshman year of high school. In those days the freshmen were still in junior high, and we had to sit for some end of the year state test. We were all housed together in this weird room behind the stage. It was the first and last time I ever sat foot in that room. To this day I have no idea what it was used for other than that test. Continue reading →

March 28, 2015
by BulgingButtons 11 Comments

Things My Mother Says

My mother says it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.

It’s a fact that there are many more poor men in the world than rich men.

My mother says that she does not eat doughnuts.

It’s a fact that round pastries with holes in the center and sweet sugar glaze are called doughnuts.

It’s a fact that my mother has eaten those pastries.

My mother says that she only eats what is good for her.

It’s a fact that there is chocolate in my mother’s house 100% of the time.

My mother says that she doesn’t understand why she can’t lose that last ten pounds.

It’s a fact that doughnuts and chocolate are high calorie, high fat foods.

It’s a fact that my mother doesn’t even need to lost ten pounds.

March 25, 2015
by BulgingButtons 15 Comments

When an All Time High Feels Like an All Time Low

Yesterday I had the pleasure of visiting my doctor for my quarterly check-in. We get together regularly (honestly, it’s more like three times a year) to look over my latest labs and talk about all the lifestyle changes I need to make. It’s super fun.

Yesterday was a particularly fun visit. I just knew it would be, after all, I’d been under the weather for weeks on end, leaving me feeling lethargic and lazy. Exercise? Phooey. Fruits and veggies? Screw ’em. Even taking my daily medication got to be a chore that I started to ignore on a fairly regular basis.

Not good.

SO not good.

The first sign of trouble was at the scale.

The digital readout displayed a number I had never before seen on a scale with my own eyes. Oh crap. Apparently the combination of zero exercise and seemingly unlimited amounts of sweets does not go unnoticed by that contraption. Go figure.

Then there was the blood pressure.

Gulp.

Yeah, I guess the medication does work best if you actually get it out of the bottle and into your body. It works even better if you don’t sabotage it at every turn.

Now mind you I still hadn’t seen the doctor, this was just the prep. The good news is that my doctor rocks. He is kind, compassionate, has a sense of humor, and isn’t all judgy (yes, I know the proper word is judgmental, but I like this one better). Still, he is my doctor and it’s his unenviable task to tell me what a horrible job I’m doing taking care of this one and only body that I have.

He did it nicely. He did it with numbers. The numbers on the scale, the numbers from the blood pressure cuff, the numbers from the labs. Yes, folks, some of my numbers have actually set new personal records (not ones I was aiming for, by the way).

So here we are again, only this time I’m starting from even further away from “healthy” than I’ve ever been. I don’t want to do this. I want to eat, drink, and be merry. I don’t want to think about vitamins and blood pressure and steps taken and reducing risks of heart disease and diabetes and cancer and blah, blah, blah whatever else. I don’t want any of that burden, but for better or for worse, it’s mine.

Oh boo hoo, poor little old me. I know, get over it. I got myself into this fix, so I have to get out of it. Besides, I don’t actually have diabetes or heart disease or cancer (my poor Dad, of blessed memory, had to contend with all three of those). What I do have is another whack in the face with the giant two by four of reality. The reality of the situation is that I’m doing myself a grave disservice by ignoring my health (pun intended, sorry). I need to snap out of it and take care of myself the way I deserve. So, on we go to attempt number 8,413, or, as I like to call it, time to crawl out of the gutter and climb onto the victors’ podium.