BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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Repost: Use Your Words

This is a repost from last year. I think the message bears repeating.

 

“Sticks and Stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Surely you’ve heard this phrase before, maybe it was one you used yourself as a child when some horrible bully called you names like fatty, Godzilla, or, my personal bane, Pillsbury Dough Girl. Fine, you thought, call me names, but Karma’s a bitch and she’ll get you. Ok, you probably weren’t thinking that at all, since you probably had no clue what Karma was. Also, if you’re anything like me, you probably didn’t have a very thick skin when you were a kid. the-pillsbury-doughboy-new2My whole life my brother has told me I’m too sensitive. This is the brother who has zero recollection of ever calling me “fatty” but it’s ok, we’re good now.

The thing is, words do hurt. To this day a careless word from someone close to me can be cutting. I try to let it slide, I try to look at the big picture and know that these people who sometimes hurt me with their words don’t mean to, but even now that’s difficult for me. Do I have low self esteem? Is the pope Catholic? Of course I do. I’m a fat girl. That doesn’t make me a pitiful creature unable to function, but I do get my feeling hurt a little too easily.

Here’s my rallying cry. Let’s try to use our words for good and not evil. Let’s try to build one another up rather than tear each other down. The internet is a big wide world, let’s choose our messages carefully because they don’t go away. Lofty goal, I know. I put as much crap out into cyberspace as the next person, but I hope to at least offer some messages of encouragement and hope to others. I challenge you to be mindful of the words you choose, as a careless comment can have a lasting negative impact. We teach kids, “use your words,” but maybe we need to add in the word, “kindly.”


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Building Habits

NaBloPoMo_NovemberIt’s December 1, which means that I’ve officially succeeded in posting every day for the month of November, making me a NoBloPoMo winner! Of course I don’t think there are actually winners and losers for that particular challenge, but since I missed my 50,000 word goal for NaNoWriMo by a long-shot, I’ll take what I can get.

I’m actually pretty tickled that it’s December, and I still feel like I have plenty to write about. Rather than feel drained, I feel energized. I’ve gotten into a daily blogging habit, and I’m feeling the need to keep on going. Yay me. Too bad I’ve had so much trouble establishing other good habits.

I always seem to take one step forward then two steps back. At least as far as my health and fitness go. I want to lose weight. I want to move more. I want to get off my medication. But apparently I don’t want it badly enough.

Oh sure, I’ve been walking more, and I really am enjoying it, but it’s not enough.

I’ve also been trying to include more fruits and vegetables into my diet, but that’s not enough either.

My situation calls for more drastic measures. Measures that I don’t feel like I have at my disposal at the moment, like strength and determination and willpower.

I’ve heard so many times that you just have to decide to do it, then make the changes. For some reason this approach is generally offered by men. Maybe we really are wired differently in this aspect? Or maybe we’re all individuals and we each have our quirks and hang-ups. For me, it’s my weight.

It seems that for each good choice I make, I make five poor ones. I’m working hard to balance that out a bit. I’m going to try to keep on moving. NaBloPoMo_Original_0Today I tracked my steps with my phone (which means not all of them since I don’t carry it around all day), and I had more than I’ve had in the past week. The walk before work got me off to a good start. I have to thank my son and my dog for allowing me to join them.

If I can sit down and conjure words every day, then sure I can lace up my sneakers and take a walk around the block. I may even just walk myself into a new good habit.

 

 


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What’s On Your To Do List?

105-362-5011The other day I was chatting with my neighbor and she was a little bit frazzled. She was trying to set up some holiday decorations in her yard, and she felt like she was “behind.” I reminded her that it was still November, but she wasn’t having it. She told me that she had a ton of things to get done before Christmas, so everything had to go according to plan, or it would all fall apart.

I felt badly for her. Here is was, not even December 1, and her plan was already coming apart at the seams. I asked if maybe there were some items on her list that weren’t as high priority, but she assured me that every single thing was critical. Yikes.

I leave that kind of high pressure stuff for my work life. There are things associated with work that I simply have no control over. The biggest one is testing. Another round is coming up soon, but I can’t worry about it. I teach my students the best way I know how, and hopefully they’ll do well on their tests. I can’t do more than my best, and I can’t do more for them than teach them and encourage them to do their best. The rest is up to them. Yes, part of my professional life rests in the hands of nine-year-olds. Do they feel like taking the test seriously or not? Did they get a good night’s sleep or not? Did they get yelled at on the way to school or not? Do they truly understand equivalent fractions or not? Did they read all the choices given or not? There are a lot of variables over which I have no control.

In terms of the home stuff, though, it’s up to me to decide what’s urgent or not. I had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner because that’s what we wanted to do. I put up lights because we agreed it would make our house look festive and welcoming. But I’m not going to make myself crazy over the holidays. No black Friday shopping for me, thanks anyway. In fact, I’m paring down my shopping considerably. I’d rather do things with my loved ones than spend money on stuff for them that they don’t really want or need.

And my “to do” list? Well, it’s not that long, but it’s been taking me a while to work through it. In fact I have two of them. One is the day to day stuff, like finish unpacking the final four boxes (from my move in July, yeah, I know) and one of them is the big stuff. That one’s on my bulletin board, and believe it or not I’ve been able to cross off a few items. I went to Hawaii, I got out of debt (aside from mortgage), and I switched schools. Oh, and the biggest item of all? I fell in love. Now that’s my kind of to do list.