Not bad for a fat girl


Who Am I?

My colleague at work has found her birth family. 8a8f8826d98c426854f0caa18b8478c6--genealogy-quotes-family-trees.jpg

People are stunned at how quickly it has all happened, but as she says, quickly aside from the 45 years leading up to it.

It’s not all roses and sunshine. There are things she’s learning that are difficult. But there are things that are incredible, too. She’s already met some of her birth relatives in person. Ten days ago she didn’t know they existed. Remarkable.

Naturally all of this excitement makes me think about my own situation. Do I have birth relatives one state away? Are there pictures of people I’ve never met, as children, who look like my own child? Or me? Do I share a nose with someone, or a laugh, or a love of Cadbury mini-eggs? And could someone please explain about these ridiculous fingernails that bend? Whose fault is that?

I’ve been looking around at 23 and Me, trying to make sense of my DNA relatives. So far the closest link that’s shown up is a second cousin, and she seems to be a dead end. I’m thinking about Ancestry DNA next. That’s what my friend used.

Maybe after all this time someone out there in the big wide world is looking for me. Maybe they wouldn’t mind be found by me. Maybe they haven’t forgotten me. I don’t think they have. How could you?


An Open Letter to My Birth Mother on Mother’s Day

Dear Birth Mother,

I realize I may be too late with this message. I’m nearly 50 years old, and you, of course, are older. I realize your life may have already come to an end, but I hope not. I hope you are alive and well and surrounded by loved ones. I hope life has been good to you and for you. I hope you have made a contribution to the world and you are satisfied with your place in it. I especially hope you feel at peace with the decision you made to give me up.flat,800x800,075,t.u1

I don’t know much about the events surrounding my birth and adoption. They are closely guarded secrets, although I don’t know exactly why. Even if I am the result of the most scandalous events, they are beyond my control, so why do I need to be shielded from them? I’m just the end result, not the cause of any bad behavior or pain.

Birth mother, perhaps you could shed some light on my origins. Am I the result of an affair? A rape? Incest? Or am I the product of a bleary one-night-stand or an abusive relationship? Maybe you struggled with mental illness or lived in poverty. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change who I am. I just wonder. I just want to know.

Maybe none of those scenarios apply. Maybe you were in love with my birth father but the situation was impossible, for whatever reason. Or maybe you just didn’t want to be a parent at that point in your life. I can accept that too. I can accept anything, because the truth is better than not knowing.

I wonder about you, birth mother. I wonder what you look like and what makes you laugh. I wonder if you have an unhealthy relationship with food like I do. I wonder if you have other children-my brothers or sisters. I wonder if you like to create or if you have an inquisitive mind. I wonder if you’re Irish or German in origin and what type of music you enjoy. I wonder what your voice sounds like, and what your smile looks like.

I wonder if you would like me.

I wonder if you think about me on Mother’s Day and my birthday. I think about you on those days, and on many other days.

Birth mother, do you know who I am? Did you ever see me as I was growing up? Did you know my parents before they became my parents? Did you live in the same town and shop at the same stores? Did you see my wedding announcement in the newspaper? Have you checked out my Facebook page or my Twitter feed or even read this blog?

Does anyone in your world know about me? Or have I been kept secret all these years?

Nearly 50 years of secrets. That’s a long time.

I just want to thank you for being my first mother, and for allowing me to have the life I’ve had. I’d love to hear from you. In the meantime, know I’m thinking of you and I wish you happiness and peace.

Happy Mother’s Day.

With love, your daughter.



Leave a comment

Pet Adoption Genius


Finding love in the 21st century affords people more options. No longer does one have to wait for parents or other relatives to provide an introduction to a suitable mate, nor does one have to subject oneself to nights in noisy, crowded bars. Modern people turn to the internet to meet a far wider variety of people than they might normally come into contact with, increasing their odds of finding love.

Not only can we encounter a wider cross-section of the population on the internet, but we can harmlessly flip through profiles, casting aside those that we don’t find suitable with the swipe of a fingertip, with no hard feelings involved. Genius.

Well the amazingly smart people at PawsLikeMe.com took the same concept and applied it to dogs. Not only do they have extensive listings of dogs to love, but they’ve taken the time to gather information about their energy levels, their independence, their focus, and their overall needs. Next, they administer a quiz to prospective pet adopters, and they use the results to match people with pooches.

This is Sunday

This is Sunday, isn’t she beautiful?

If you’re a couch potato they’re not going to match you with a high energy dog. If you’re not home for several hours a day you won’t be matched with a dog with a low independence rating. It’s genius, really. Instead of falling in love with a sweet face and then finding out that he or she is a poor match, they find the personality traits that fit best first. From that point you can still fall in love with their sweet faces.

No, I don’t get any kind of anything from them. I just love the idea and wish I could adopt more of the darling dogs they’ve chosen for me (yes, I took the quiz, don’t tell Lila).

If you’re looking for a canine companion, I strongly urge you to check them out. Even if you aren’t, it might be fun to take the quiz and see the sweethearts that could be a good match for you. If nothing else, share their site. The more dogs that go into suitable homes, the fewer homeless dogs in the world, right? It just makes sense.